Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Nobody in Maine has told me I can't be anything. Bite your tongue, keep your mouth shut, eyes down, don't be friendly, etc., etc. Never seen anything like this in 17 years. Everywhere we've gone in Maine, we've found people to be friendly, often speaking to us before we spoke to them. They stop and comment when they see me working on the house or when we're sitting on the deck. They invite us to their houses, offer us food at their cookouts, share memories of our house before it was ours, and genuinely try to be friends. Based on my observations, the problem is not the Mainers.
People considering a move to Maine really should take note of all the ways they tell you you can't be. All compiled, it's a pretty long list. Just here in these posts, I don't know, I forget, things like bite your tongue (or was it your lips), keep your mouth shut, your eyes down, don't try to be friendly and don't expect anyone to be friendly with you, and most especially -- come here with low or no expectations, because if anyone, anyone at all, is nice to you, you should be pleasantly surprised.
Bottom line is -- if you are a sourpuss, you will get along well here. All others, go away!
To me, all this was funny at first. People considering a move to Maine, you might think it's intriguing or endearing, or something initially, but after a while, this rude and cold mindset is just as heavy as a sinker.
But still I find it funny to the point of head-shaking humor how many Mainers here just proved my points with their nasty flaming messages. While I was out on the pristine (empty, empty!) beach yesterday wondering -- how come people aren't out here happy to be alive, where is everyone? -- the answer was: well, some of them were sitting at their computers bashing people who want to like their state and like them too. I just have this to say to 'Maineahs' who are doing that: the truth stings sometimes, doesn't it?
It was 54 and raining yesterday. Anyone with any sense was sitting at their computer complaining about how it had gone from 80 to 50 overnight!
I have not posted here for almost 2 months, but I really cannot be silent about this issue. One must not confuse the climate of a few people on this forum who have xenophobia issues with all of Maine-iacs.
There is some xenophobia on this forum, but City-Data Forum is quite honestly the only place I've ever found it in Maine. I'm not denying that there are a number of people in the Northern Woods who are unhappy with the state government, or with Roxane Quinby, and with the loss of the traditional response of the woods of the paper companies, and with national parks or the federal government. And I'm not denying that there is a more specific geographical divide between the more affluent south of the state than the less affluent north of the state, than there is geographically in some other US states. And I learned about those things here.
But if you select carefully where you move, then you will not be in a position to find that people won't interact with you. But you have to select carefully. If you fail to select a community that is like you, then you will have but three choices: a) change your attitudes and view to be like the people locally, b) move to a place where people are like you, c) Grin and bear it and find a few people that do have your views.
33 years ago I moved from the liberal college town of West Chester, PA to very conservative politically and religious southern Lancaster County, PA. Its only about 50 minutes difference in place. While I fit in great in the college town of West Chester University back then, I was totally out of place in the rural farmland of southern Lancaster county. Many people asked me how I was coping with the culture shock. The people are just as wonderful here as they were in West Chester. But the people's interest and attitudes about politics, leisure, religion, and almost everything were very very different than where I came from. I experienced the same kind of difficulty---culture shock, and have continued to do so for 33 years. I've found a small number of people who are like me in views and attitudes, but not a lot. And I've learned not to talk about some of my views if I want to have people visit me. For example, if I ever want someone to invite me back for a dinner, I cannot talk about the Ghost who inhabited the house we lived in, in West Chester. ;-)
On this forum there are lots of people who indicated that your only choice is letter "a)" above, or choose "b)"(commonly called "the highway"). Perhaps if you've never moved from somewhere else, this is easy to choose. Perhaps people who espouse that have never experienced a struggle where they have to change major views on life. But for example, if you have been a pacifist all your life, then you probably won't be able to change to someone who is big in the Military in everyday life. Or, if you have been anti-abortion, and you new community is heavily pro-abortion, you will not be able to change your views. Or if you have plenty of examples of a ghost or at least some kind of unusual paranormal events in your previous house, you may not be able to keep your mouth shut when the topic comes up in conversation.
So my response is to choose wisely in the community that you move. My experience in PA is the same as anyone's experience in any state. I moved just 50 minutes from my former place and my views were completely different than the locals. I actually tried to find a job back in my old place early on, but was unsuccessful, and eventually ended up staying. I had planned to retire in even more rural western PA, and discovered that the very conservative views of southern lancaster county, were even more conservative, almost reactionary, in rural Bedford County, PA.
I have chosen to move tO Mount Desert Island. The population on the island consists of many people who are like me. There is a large group of very highly educated people who work at Jackson Lab, Maine Bio Lab, and the College of the Atlantic. There is an active Quaker Meeting(read that liberal views). There is a very active senior college for us retired folks and many of them come from the Labs and the college. There is an active arts community and a meditation center. 40% of the population is retired. A large percentage of the population is "From Away". Sure, I will run into people who don't interact with me(or will freak if I mention ghosts), but I will have explored it enough to know that there are a very large number who are like me. If I had chosen to move to Ellsworth only 20 minutes away, I would not have the same scenario in culture as "on-island".
Bottom Line: No matter where you move, in Maine, or PA, Arizona, or Timbuctoo, if you don't check to see if the community that you are "actually living in" has the same attitudes as you do, you will be in for culture shock. And despite your involvement, your participation in activities, etc., people won't reciprocate with you unless they feel that they are "like you."
And then you WILL ONLY HAVE TWO CHOICES: a) change all your attitudes, or b) the highway.
I have plans to meet three people I have never met but through this forum this summer to welcome them to Maine. It takes me three minutes to drive to the local brew pub and buy someone new to the area a beer. We all know what it's like to be somewhere you know no one. Why am I doing this (especially where I am the resident curmudgeon and newbie basher)? Because they were genuine, friendly and nice to talk with ...that simple! You can get a good feeling about someone in just a few discussions or you can dismiss someone just as quickly. These people expressed an interest and genuine love for this place long before arriving. Ask Corgis and Mensaguy or Dramamamma and Woxyroxme if they were mis treated coming to Maine. I think you'll find they were overwhelmed by the kindness and outreach shown by their new friends here. They can't wait to move here permanently and why not ??.. They already have a bunch of friends here. Some people fit and some people don't we're sorry it didn't work out for you!
People considering a move to Maine really should take note of all the ways they tell you you can't be. All compiled, it's a pretty long list. Just here in these posts, I don't know, I forget, things like bite your tongue (or was it your lips), keep your mouth shut, your eyes down, don't try to be friendly and don't expect anyone to be friendly with you, and most especially -- come here with low or no expectations, because if anyone, anyone at all, is nice to you, you should be pleasantly surprised.
Bottom line is -- if you are a sourpuss, you will get along well here. All others, go away!
This attitude you present is how to survive in DC. Not in Maine.
Several posters on this forum give excellent advice and caution about the challenges of living in Maine that many people may not have thought about. Maybe a different state like Vermont or Washington State would have worked for you? The United States has a variety of places, if one is fortunate enough to choose.
Not sure what the circumstances were for your move to Maine, but I get the impression that you seek more validation for your lifestyle. To me, Maine natives and those who love Maine value independence and respect personal space. If someone has similar interests, fine. If not, they do their own thing and don't worry about it. Some people require more interaction and support from others who share the same interests. Nothing wrong with that.
My husband and I have worked with different people in Maine for several reasons during/after we purchased our Maine home. Our experience has been the opposite of yours. We have found people in Maine to be extremely intelligent, honest, professional, multi-talented, and kind. They also have had wonderful senses of humor, and we found that our humor meshed well with theirs. We are respectful of them and their experience. We will always be "new" in Maine. That's OK. It does not take anything away from our appreciation of Maine.
. . . . While I was out on the pristine (empty, empty!) beach yesterday wondering -- how come people aren't out here happy to be alive, where is everyone?
I'd like to generally know which part of Maine you're talking about:
Is it below Portland?
Between Portland and Camden?
Between Camden and Winter Harbor?
Between Winter Harbor and Eastport?
Anyway, when you grow up around something you tend to take it for granted.
It's like if you wake up with the same woman beside you long enough, many men fail to notice how pretty she still is.
For example, I myself have lived near the Statue of Liberty my whole life, sixty-years, and have been to see her only once.
And while thousands and thousands of people going to and from work, cross the Brooklyn Bridge on foot, in autos, on bicycles, every day--you never see crowds of native New Yorkers going there on their days off to stare up at how beautiful it is. Well, almost never.
I have plans to meet three people I have never met but through this forum this summer to welcome them to Maine. It takes me three minutes to drive to the local brew pub and buy someone new to the area a beer. We all know what it's like to be somewhere you know no one. Why am I doing this (especially where I am the resident curmudgeon and newbie basher)? Because they were genuine, friendly and nice to talk with ...that simple! You can get a good feeling about someone in just a few discussions or you can dismiss someone just as quickly. These people expressed an interest and genuine love for this place long before arriving. Ask Corgis and Mensaguy or Dramamamma and Woxyroxme if they were mis treated coming to Maine. I think you'll find they were overwhelmed by the kindness and outreach shown by their new friends here. They can't wait to move here permanently and why not ??.. They already have a bunch of friends here. Some people fit and some people don't we're sorry it didn't work out for you!
That's very true - we've never been mistreated in any way, shape or form. Everyone in Eastport has been giving, friendly and we take their advice because it's good advice.
Location: 3.5 sq mile island ant nest next to Canada
3,036 posts, read 5,884,828 times
Reputation: 2170
Quote:
Originally Posted by corgis
That's very true - we've never been mistreated in any way, shape or form. Everyone in Eastport has been giving, friendly and we take their advice because it's good advice.
Yeah but, you guys are nice and easy to get along with.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I just have to comment.....
