Maine's Own Off Topic Thread - Part 4 (home, high school)

[Maineah]

Originally Posted by Elcarim

Speaking of pain in the butt........ My mother is making some very snide little remarks lately. Then, in the next breath, she says how happy she is that we're finally realizing our dream of moving to Maine. Yesterday, she asked what we're going to do when we get to Maine and all our friends get tired of us after the new wears off, and there we are all the way on the other side of the country with no family around and no friends either. WTH??? And what if you have an emergency, and you have no family to call on? Heaven help us if we wear our welcome around HERE!

After I regained my composure, I asked if I'm really THAT hard to love and get along with? She laughed and said, "Well, NO!" And the times we have had to call on family, only a couple of them actually answered the call, anyway! So much for that theory!

I tried to brush it off jokingly, but it's really bothering me today. I realize that it's probably more the mindset of people down here who have such shallow aquaintances with others. It's easy to say that of relationships in this place, where everyone is always too busy and selfish to give time to anyone outside their own little household.

And it's sad to me that people don't expect to find long-term friendship and close bonds anymore. Is it just me? Am I completely naive? Or is she right?

Recipricol relationships grow,one sided ones are short lived. You have a certain fantasy in mind moving to Maine and that's good. It will get you here and assist in getting you settled in. Maine isn't Mayberry however and if you constantly rely on "new friends" to help you you'll isolate yourself pretty quickly. The key to living well in Maine is to become self sufficient. Don't ask the neighbor to come by and till your garden for you every year. Buy a tractor or a rototiller then tell the neighbor the machine is available to them if they need it. Rule of thumb is if you need to borrow the same thing twice in a year you need to buy it. If someone helps you put a transmission in your truck don't pay him for his generosity with a bag of turnips. Reciprocity in an equal value is key. You have to keep a running tally in your head of the actual value of friend relayed help. If someone crawls under your sink and repairs your leaky pipes a firm handshake is nice but a pot roast delivered on a snowy evening is better! I rebuilt a guy's damaged fiberglass boat, installed a railing, rub rail, re-did the teak seats,painted it with epoxy paint, and repaired the trailer. I had well over $2000.00 in it in materials and time. The deal was he would spray out my house and provide the paint. I ended up painting the house myself a year later. I have never done another thing for him since then and never will, though he keeps asking and still considers me "a friend". The worst thing that can happen is if people just don't want to see you coming anymore. There are people who have taken such advantage of me and people I know that I won't answer the door when they drop by now. When I do see them and they say "gee you're never home" I just say I'm busy. If they begin to say about you that the only time I ever see so and so is when he wants something you're in real trouble.
If you try too hard you will alienate people, if you don't try enough you will alienate people. You have to strike a balance. Show people you're able to do things on your own and you will gain their respect. If you're perceived as helpless and needy you won't last long here.
Your Mother is partially correct. I do more for my brothers than I do for regular friends. I'm sure Ranger and others with close family do too. You feel obliged to help family more than friends. There is a certain dependence and expectation that comes with dealing with family. I don't feel put out when I have to go jump start my brother for the 10th time but if my friend calls me a half dozen times to jump him I'll suggest he buy a new battery.
By the way YOU KNOW why your mother is giving you a hard time about moving.
She's worried and rightfully so. You have no idea how you will be accepted. You're hopeful, and the people on this forum are friendly, but the reality of the situation is you're stepping into the unknown and she is concerned. After all she IS family!

[Elcarim]

Originally Posted by msina

I am sorry your Mom is hurtful El. I didn't realize how hurt you felt and as a "Mom" of grown kids, I looked at it from that view and from the view of someone that has lost my "Mum". I can't imagine people getting "tired" of you.

I do understand her feelings - really, I do - but she often fails to understand how negative she can be and how truly hurtful it is to us. I'm one of 4 children.....the only one who still answers her calls every day (at least ONE of her calls) And I promise, Ms.Ina, I'll still talk to her every day after we move. I don't want to sever our relationship, but I think a little distance will do us a world of good!

I've told them if they want to move to CO, they may as well get closer to us and move on up further north. They just have to stay BELOW the Volvo line!

[Elcarim]

Maineah, your points are very good. I wish more people understood those concepts!

No, we're not moochers, so we should be ok there! We will need a bit of hand-holding while we get adjusted to such a different lifestyle, but we are, by nature, very independent and self-sufficient. We give more than we receive in most situations and do it with joy.

[msina]

Molly I understand you and El have a deep friendship. This is still an open forum and not everyone has the insight into the situation you do. We simply read the posts and with the limited information available, and respond. All of the posts on the subject have valid points. Continuing the conversation reveals more aspects to the situation and understanding develops. One thing I have a hard time with is understanding the emotional aspect, it's hard to gauge when there is no voice inflection in a conversation. "just trying to xplain"

[Elcarim]

Well, geez! Now I'll have to go tell Mom that you're fighting over me.....or is that because of me.....sorry. Didn't mean to start anything. I was just being too personal, I guess.

I just know who my friends are and I know where to find you! I know I can always count on good input from you guys.

I'm going to have a T-Shirt printed......."My friends hang on City-Data.com "

[Elcarim]

Originally Posted by msina

Molly I understand you and El have a deep friendship. This is still an open forum and not everyone has the insight into the situation you do. We simply read the posts and with the limited information available, and respond. All of the posts on the subject have valid points. Continuing the conversation reveals more aspects to the situation and understanding develops. One thing I have a hard time with is understanding the emotional aspect, it's hard to gauge when there is no voice inflection in a conversation. "just trying to xplain"

Sorry, mama! I should have given more insight into the history or just not posted my frustrations at all. That probably would have been better.

And Molly and I DO have a very deep and solid friendship. You know your friends well....they're the ones rolling around in the mud with you, so they're impossible to miss in a crowd! I love you guys!

[corgis]

I think I'll go make myself a ham and cheese sammich!

[mensaguy]

Originally Posted by Elcarim

Oh, there won't be any twice a week with my mom. We talk on the phone at least once (usually more) every day. If I don't answer the first time, she calls back over and over then leaves a voicemail on every phone I own. She's going to croak when she finds out we won't have good cell service there! .....

When my mother was alive, we talked every Sunday to compare notes on the crossword and whatever else came up. We'd call each other any time there was something to say, but not every day. My daughter grew up, got married, has a baby, and we talk every few weeks or when something comes up. I'm generally leaving my daughter alone to lead her own life and she's leaving me alone to lead mine. No judgments made either way (although she did say the next time she drives to Maine her daughter is going to help drive ).

Lead your own life, El. Live it for YOU.

[Maineah]

I'm making chicken soup.

[CoastalMaine]

I hear it's good for the soul!