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Thread summary:

Senior life: elder caregivers, Christmas gift, Maine.

 
Old 12-25-2008, 06:02 AM
 
Location: Waldo County
1,220 posts, read 3,919,170 times
Reputation: 1414

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A friend of our works as a caregiver for elderly people who are at home. She was working for a woman in a town about 50 miles from here last night. Her "client" was a 91 year old woman who was alert, bright, and alone. My wife and I took a small pumpkin pie over after supper to be with our friend and to visit this charming elderly lady.

The lady was a charming and very interesting woman. In a year before women did such things, she had spent her working years in a a technical position at a major corporation before retirement to her family home in Maine. She had never and had no children. We shared pumpkin pie with her, gave our friend a hug and drove home in the rain.

But this isn't a Christmas "feel good" story. We were the only visitors that this lady will have this Christmas. No one called on her yesterday except for her care givers. No one will call today. And she is not alone in the world.

She has two brothers who live in the same town. They are elderly, too.

Her two brothers each had numerous children, all of whom live in that town or nearby, and they all have children. No one remembers their aunt/great aunt who will be alone on Christmas. They didn't last year, nor the year before, nor the year before that. This elderly charming lady is surrounded by family but alone and isolated except for her caregivers.

I have learned that we are abandonning our elders. We are doing this throughout our culture. In many cases, our children have all grown and moved to the four corners of the world. Mine have. But at least they call or send a Christmas card. But for three generations, this family has learned to ignore this elder member.

The reasons or reason for this kind of elder abuse...yes: that is what it is: elder abuse...are lost in time now, I am sure. But three generations have been taught that this is the way it is.

We were pleased to visit this elderly, shut in lady for a few minutes last evening. We had pleasant and interesting conversation that cost us little but probably gave her Christmas a tiny bit of glow.

So to all the elders who are alone this Christmas, I wish you a happy day. You have given us "youngers" a great Christmas gift for the country and society that you have built in your younger years, and for that I remember you with thanks.

And I fear that if we keep kicking our seniors into the darkness of a back room alone and ignored, it speaks volumes about the growing poverty of spirit and humanness of us all. This abandonnment of family will be the first and last building blocks of our civilization to fall.
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Old 12-25-2008, 06:21 AM
 
Location: Maine's garden spot
3,466 posts, read 7,199,157 times
Reputation: 4017
Thanks for the reminder.
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Old 12-25-2008, 07:55 AM
 
19,959 posts, read 30,028,425 times
Reputation: 39992
more and more seniors are in the same boat (sadly)

if family is not around (or is around and doesnt give any attention), i believe if thier is a manner, or way to network these dear folks together, they would discover many ,,friends, in similar situations,

i do know the internet and forums like this one,,,bring folks closer together,

thier must be some senior social networks,,,of some kind,,if thier isnt,,then thier should be,,,
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Old 12-25-2008, 01:23 PM
 
444 posts, read 924,515 times
Reputation: 654
Acadianlion, now you've made me cry (which doesn't take much). Bless you for visiting that lady.
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Old 12-25-2008, 01:28 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,289 posts, read 87,129,640 times
Reputation: 55550
no it is not us that have turned our backs on kids and the old, our behavior has become so revolting they have turned from us or worse become like us. i used to think the bars in the zoo were to protect the public.
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Old 12-25-2008, 06:30 PM
 
Location: Downeast, Maine
467 posts, read 1,120,040 times
Reputation: 341
Thanks for posting this Acadianlion. We have an 84 year old neighbor who lives alone, her husband passed away a few years ago. She has a son in southern Maine and a daughter in Florida. The daughter has never even been to see her in the past 6 years we've lived here. The son comes up maybe 1 time a year. I met him recently this past Oct. Long story short, she is in dire need to have someone watch over her as she is having problems with her short term memory. We do what we can for her. I have given her son my phone number, but he did not give his to me. We don't have Power of Attorney to be able to get her any help. I'm afraid she one day will get lost by wandering or driving. (She still drives.) She is a delightful woman with a wonderful sense of humor and I enjoy hearing her stories of her family growing up. She was 1 of 10 children. There are 3 of her siblings left and they all live in CT where she talks of eventually going. But she doesn't really want to leave our town and her home she tells me. When I think of the lack of interest of her children, I just am beside myself. It is nothing short of abuse and cruelty. It's beyond sad and it has really left me feeling a bit helpless as to how to really help her.
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Old 12-25-2008, 09:52 PM
 
Location: MA / FL
95 posts, read 335,180 times
Reputation: 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by Acadianlion View Post
A friend of our works as a caregiver for elderly people who are at home. She was working for a woman in a town about 50 miles from here last night. Her "client" was a 91 year old woman who was alert, bright, and alone. My wife and I took a small pumpkin pie over after supper to be with our friend and to visit this charming elderly lady.

The lady was a charming and very interesting woman. In a year before women did such things, she had spent her working years in a a technical position at a major corporation before retirement to her family home in Maine. She had never and had no children. We shared pumpkin pie with her, gave our friend a hug and drove home in the rain.

But this isn't a Christmas "feel good" story. We were the only visitors that this lady will have this Christmas. No one called on her yesterday except for her care givers. No one will call today. And she is not alone in the world.

She has two brothers who live in the same town. They are elderly, too.

Her two brothers each had numerous children, all of whom live in that town or nearby, and they all have children. No one remembers their aunt/great aunt who will be alone on Christmas. They didn't last year, nor the year before, nor the year before that. This elderly charming lady is surrounded by family but alone and isolated except for her caregivers.

I have learned that we are abandonning our elders. We are doing this throughout our culture. In many cases, our children have all grown and moved to the four corners of the world. Mine have. But at least they call or send a Christmas card. But for three generations, this family has learned to ignore this elder member.

The reasons or reason for this kind of elder abuse...yes: that is what it is: elder abuse...are lost in time now, I am sure. But three generations have been taught that this is the way it is.

We were pleased to visit this elderly, shut in lady for a few minutes last evening. We had pleasant and interesting conversation that cost us little but probably gave her Christmas a tiny bit of glow.

So to all the elders who are alone this Christmas, I wish you a happy day. You have given us "youngers" a great Christmas gift for the country and society that you have built in your younger years, and for that I remember you with thanks.

And I fear that if we keep kicking our seniors into the darkness of a back room alone and ignored, it speaks volumes about the growing poverty of spirit and humanness of us all. This abandonnment of family will be the first and last building blocks of our civilization to fall.

I know it's not much but could she be added to that Maine card list that I read about?
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Old 12-26-2008, 09:04 AM
 
Location: Big skies....woohoo
12,420 posts, read 3,221,754 times
Reputation: 2203
It's very sad the way people forget others. My mother had a friend that we hadn't seen for many years but found out she was in assisted living just before my mother passed away. When I was little I thought she was the coolest.....not married, had a VW convertible, her own business, etc. She would come over and play cards and always was so great with me. She never married but had nieces and nephews and a sister in law..I started visiting her twice a day at the assisted living facility. We would laugh...I would cook for her and take her to doctor's appointments. We just had fun. No one else ever went to see her....unless they wanted money. It was disgusting. Then they told the facility that they didn't want me to visit her. I tried everything to help her....her family was emotionally abusive and took her house, ar, etc. One month after I stopped visiting...she died. I was the first person the nursing home contacted....because they knew I cared so much. Her family didn't even put her name correctly on her headstone. I can't understand how such a wonderful person can have such a tragic life.
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Old 12-26-2008, 02:00 PM
 
Location: Maine!
701 posts, read 1,078,102 times
Reputation: 583
Older people need company! We push them into the margins of our life, and fit them in when we have "time" My parents are 84 (Dad) and 77 (Mom) they live across the street, we take care of the things they can't, lawn etc...and they always have grandkids running in and out (Grandma has a stash of cookies!) They wouldn't have it any other way, and it's great for everyone. My kids have this wonderful relationship with Grandparents and my parents feel that they have purpose, something many elderly people don't have anymore. My Dad cuts out pinewood derby cars, my mom sews things. It's great They have mentioned many times that it would be pure misery to have to live around "a bunch of old people, griping all the time!" They love to see kids playing in the street etc.......

It's not always rosy and it's not for everyone but they are my parents and I love 'em


Thankyou all for giving the elderly that have been forgotten your time.....you'll never regret it.
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Old 12-26-2008, 04:04 PM
 
Location: Maine
2,489 posts, read 3,385,714 times
Reputation: 3815
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mainer61 View Post
It's very sad the way people forget others. My mother had a friend that we hadn't seen for many years but found out she was in assisted living just before my mother passed away. When I was little I thought she was the coolest.....not married, had a VW convertible, her own business, etc. She would come over and play cards and always was so great with me. She never married but had nieces and nephews and a sister in law..I started visiting her twice a day at the assisted living facility. We would laugh...I would cook for her and take her to doctor's appointments. We just had fun. No one else ever went to see her....unless they wanted money. It was disgusting. Then they told the facility that they didn't want me to visit her. I tried everything to help her....her family was emotionally abusive and took her house, ar, etc. One month after I stopped visiting...she died. I was the first person the nursing home contacted....because they knew I cared so much. Her family didn't even put her name correctly on her headstone. I can't understand how such a wonderful person can have such a tragic life.

How wonderful of you to have been a part of her life when she needed it, Mainer61. She sounds like a special person, and you must be, too.

Thank you for this good thread, Acadianlion.
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