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I was raised in Boston and went to a Boston Public high school, and I'm alarmed and confused about why everyone seems to flee to the suburbs or powerhouse school systems (Brookline, Newton) once they have school-aged kids. Is there something I'm missing?
I used to assume that a high ranking in Boston Magazine or U.S. News and Report made for an automatic great school. But I got a reality check, when I talked to a North Newton parent, and she told me she was so frustrated by the impersonal nature of the school (i.e. he floundered and she could not get the teachers to respond) that she made a huge sacrifice to send her son to private school. In fact, the son had a few other friends jump ship for private schools. This was about a decade ago. She also told me for Newton elementary schools they had to raise money and write grants, so PTA was more than just bake sales.
So suburban parents, what is it like to raise kids? I would be grateful if your can share your experiences.
How involved are you with the schools? Is it just bakes sales and auto-pilot? Or are you fighting for resources too? Are teachers easy to contact?
In Boston, there's full day kindergarten and full day school. Is it true that some suburban districts have half-days? What do parents do with their kids then?
What before or after school activities do parents send their kids? In Boston, some elementary schools have a bus that will bring your kid to a local YMCA or community center. What's your before and after school routine like? Do your kids carpool? Take the bus?
How often do kids have enrichment activities? Some schools in Boston have Playworks and have partnerships with local colleges. Do schools in the suburbs work with their local college? For example, I heard Lexington high school students can take Computer Science courses at Harvard Extension.
Do kids go on field trips and what internship opportunities do they have? In Boston, my classes would stroll down to the Symphony Hall, Huntington Theater, or the museums (MFA, Gardner) as part of the lesson. Of course, we rarely went outside of the city (except for a Washington D.C. trip) because it was an expensive odyssey to get buses.
How do suburban kids get summer jobs or internships? I remember once my biology class walked to a local laboratory and we signed up for summer internships. I know lot of kids in that program ended up doing well at the state science fair and even enrolled at Harvard and MIT.
Basically, if you are a suburban parent, what's your school routine and what opportunities do your kids have?
Thanks, any insight would be much appreciated.
Well I can't answer all of your questions but I can try with some (keep in mind these are just my opinions based on my experiences).
I am sort of involved with my daughters' school. I want to do more (volunteer in the class, with PTO, in library, etc) but I still have my son at home with me so I really can't do that stuff until he's in school. I don't think our school has any bake sales but they do have several fund raisers throughout the year. Yes, all schools are fighting for resources (some more than others). Our school sells items, has a golf tournament, collects "box tops." Teachers are great and easy to contact usually via the school email system. Granted my oldest is in 1st grade so I haven't had years of experience with them yet.
There are some systems that still have half day kindergarten but most are adding full day as it's become more of the norm and some people won't move to a town that doesn't offer full day K. This year our elementary school began full day K but last year if parents needed before or after care the school provided that as well for a fee of course.
We personally don't carpool. My oldest takes the bus and I drive my preschooler as they are not allowed to take the bus until they are in kindergarten. After school activities depend on the day. There are local Y's if one should want their child to do activities there and of course dance lessons, gymnastics, baseball, etc. Offerings and activities vary by town.
I grew up in a small town and I am raising my children in a small town. I love it. I loved Boston when I was in my 20's and had fun going into the city but I could never live there. It's way too crowded for me. I prefer a big yard and single family homes. I feel much safer here but I am not delusional and know very well that bad things can happen anywhere. I like that my kids will likely know most of the kids in their grade and won't be one of 1800. And yes, I do feel that the schools here are better than Boston. I like fresh air. I dislike the sounds of traffic and sirens non stop at all hours. I don't like being completely surrounded by towering buildings...it makes me feel claustrophobic. I'd rather be surrounded by towering tress. I like that I can park in my driveway as opposed to driving around and fighting for a street spot. I love Boston but the thought of living there gives me anxiety! And I'm sure the many people that prefer the city feel the same way about the 'burbs (although where I live is a small town that I don't really consider a suburb).
Where I live is not for everyone and vise versa. Different strokes...do whatever makes you and your family happy.
Cities for raising children aren't awful as long as the parents take the time every day to monitor what they are doing and how they are doing. If you and your husband both work full time and only see your children M-F in the evenings after work, all those hours between school ending and when you get home can be when your kids will be led astray by their friends and others.
And while exposing your children to other cultures is good, too much exposure can make it more difficult for instilling in them your own particular culture, spiritualism, morals and values.
Choosing good schools for your children is not enough to ensure that they will become mature productive adults. Good parenting is just as important. Parents should be involved with their children's homework and classes. A good parent will make sure that the internet is being used for schoolwork and less so for their social networking. A good parent will offset a mediocre school system.
I can't answer all your questions, or give you the right answer as to where you should move, but I can tell you my experience.
I currently rent in Newton and have a first-grader in the Newton Public Schools. So far, our teachers and administration have been accessible and responsive. Parent involvement is as much as you want it to be-- there is an active PTO that does a lot of fund-raising for the school. Kindergarten is an alternating schedule of half and full days. There is an optional after school program, run (I think) by the PTO, that provides after-school care for a reasonable fee, and includes a special kindergarten program to fill in the gaps of the kindergarten half days (so, for all grades, it runs 3-6pm, and for K there is an additional 12:30-3pm program). You'll find that kindy programs vary by town. My sister lives in Littleton, and K is 1/2 days for everyone, but extendable to a full day for a fee.
I only know a few people with kids in the upper grades, but the few I do know with kids in the middle and high schools seem pretty happy with the school system. Sometimes it just depends on the kid/school fit. One woman I work with has 3 children and she was strongly considering pulling one of them out of Weston public schools and into private school, b/c she felt the public school was a poor fit. However, her other kids were doing fine and staying put.
I agree with Scriptkitten that what worries many parents about Boston public schools is the lottery system; for me, moving here with a soon-to-be-kindergartener, that's partly why I chose to rent in a suburb. I know one family with school age kids in Boston, and they use (and can afford!) a private school.
I think, in general, whether you live city versus suburbs versus rural is more of a personal choice. Having known people who either have grown up in or are currently raising kids in cities, it can be a good experience, just different. Instead of playing in your own yard you go down the street to the park. You have less space of your own but easier access to parks, museums, etc. It might mean a shorter commute for the parents and so they are actually more accessible to their kids. I think kids need close parental supervision whether they are in cities or suburbs. I grew up in the NJ 'burbs, and believe me, there's a lot of trouble kids can get in (especially when their hardworking two-career parents are off at their city jobs all day).
If you really like Boston, I'm sure you could find out more about the lottery system, figure out how to get what you want, or decide if you want to go the private school route.
Thank you, everyone! All of your information was enormously helpful! I imagine some of you are busy parents, so I appreciate you taking the time out to write such detailed, thoughtful, and useful messages. Even if you aren't a parent, I still appreciate you for your advice and sharing your experiences and stories.
We are juggling house hunting, starting a family, and figuring out budgets. I know topics like full time kindergarten, carpooling, and after school activities might sound way too detailed. But they seem to have such a big initial impact on family budgets and stress levels. If we commit to paying a large mortgage, then the we adults have to work full time, and hope the pricier school district has resources. Where I work (MetroWest) and where the husband works (Boston) just happen to have the most reasonable commutes crossing through some fairly pricey towns. If we stay in Boston, which technically is a little more affordable and easy for our lifestyles, then I can stay at home part time and monitor the school situation more carefully. But it seems stressful and a it's troubling to hear people try to steer you away from the city.
Last edited by sharencare; 09-13-2013 at 12:10 AM..
Thank you, everyone! All of your information was enormously helpful! I imagine some of you are busy parents, so I appreciate you taking the time out to write such detailed, thoughtful, and useful messages. Even if you aren't a parent, I still appreciate you for your advice and sharing your experiences and stories.
We are juggling house hunting, starting a family, and figuring out budgets. I know topics like full time kindergarten, carpooling, and after school activities might sound way too detailed. But they seem to have such a big initial impact on family budgets and stress levels. If we commit to paying a large mortgage, then the we adults have to work full time, and hope the pricier school district has resources. Where I work (MetroWest) and where the husband works (Boston) just happen to have the most reasonable commutes crossing through some fairly pricey towns. If we stay in Boston, which technically is a little more affordable and easy for our lifestyles, then I can stay at home part time and monitor the school situation more carefully. But it seems stressful and a it's troubling to hear people try to steer you away from the city.
Good luck with it all!
The fact that you are asking these questions tells me that you are going to make the right choice for YOUR family.
Don't let others sway you by telling you what worked for their families or for fear of being judged for your choices. Believe me, you will experience it often when you have kids so you will need a thick skin. Parenting has become a competitive sport. There is no one BEST choice for every family. Just what is BEST for you and your own.
I only have my childhood experience to offer which is over a decade out of date, but if it gives you some idea… I grew up in Belmont. Many seem to think it's out of reach for middle class families, but if you don't mind living in a condo or half of a 2-family home as my family did (which can have up to 4 bedrooms if you get the 2nd & 3rd floor), it's doable and combines suburban safety and school quality with easy city access - 2 bus lines to Harvard Square or a short drive down Mt. Auburn/Storrow.
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Originally Posted by sharencare
How involved are you with the schools?
My mom was pretty involved, but I wouldn't say a lot of it was "fighting for resources." There was some fundraising, a few book/magazine/wrapping paper drives. She didn't contact my teachers too frequently, but they usually left their door open so to speak. Especially at the elementary level.
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Originally Posted by sharencare
What before or after school activities do parents send their kids?
We had "After School Sports," Girl/Boy Scouts, and a few other after-school activities in the school itself. We didn't go off-site to a Y or anything. The bus picked us up in the morning and dropped us off in the afternoon, and there were late buses for the after-school crowd. If an activity went beyond the late bus schedule there was carpooling, and in a town that measures 2 miles by 2 miles, carpooling was rarely a burden. Sometimes I went home with a friend and walked to my own house from there, or vice versa. In middle/high school I walked with friends or rode my bike, and there were also buses.
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Originally Posted by sharencare
How often do kids have enrichment activities?
Band/Orchestra on weekends starting in the 4th grade. In high school, there was a wide range of clubs (math, debate, drama, charity, activism, etc.) The biggest extracurricular activities were sports related. Otherwise kids generally got involved in activities unaffiliated with the school. For college-level academic enrichment, I think you would need to be proactive and seek out programs on your own. The after-school clubs in the high school sometimes partnered with college or professional programs, but again that was up to the ambition and motivation of the club president rather than an institutional feature.
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Originally Posted by sharencare
Do kids go on field trips and what internship opportunities do they have?
I don't remember field trips in elementary, but in middle and high school we also had trips to Symphony Hall, Jordan Hall, MFA, Gardner, plays, etc. A lot of that depended on the teacher and how willing they were to make it happen. Also on the kids, if they showed special interest. The art program had gallery shows downtown. The band and orchestra competed in music competitions at Berklee and around the state, and played at Carnegie Hall and Disney World. I'm not sure whether the NY and Disney trips were subsidized for lower-income students, but they might have been one-time deals anyway. We had some really fantastic music directors at that time. There have since been a lot of budget cuts.
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Originally Posted by sharencare
How do suburban kids get summer jobs or internships?
Well, I walked into a store with a "hiring" sign and asked for an application… Other friends got work through relatives and acquaintances, which seemed more the norm. I can't think of any specific "work placement" or internship programs.
In summary it seems that a closer suburb would offer all the opportunities you mention, but they may or may not be part of the official school program. If your child is serious about music, you would probably want to get them involved in BYSO or Longy; if they love a sport, get them on a year-round club team; if interested in science, sign them up for one of MIT's summer camps etc. A great suburban resource for me was Girl Scouts - lots of personal and career development opportunities, good leadership programs, ways to make friends from across the state and further. It's all accessible, just involves research, motivation, and a lot of driving (and remember to leave time to let them just F around and be kids ).
About Belmont particularly, my main complaints would be lack of ethnic diversity which made it a little difficult being one of the only minorities (getting better now) and lack of socio-economic diversity which can sometimes lead kids to have a skewed outlook on life and look down on vocational professions (getting worse, unfortunately). The main bonuses were safety, having many longtime friends from childhood who lived in biking distance, and a fairly forward-thinking population (which somewhat contradicts my complaints, but the upshot is that people at least understand that seeing things from a different perspective is valuable and make an effort to be inclusive). To elaborate on that, a lot of classes in the high school emphasized critical thinking, and political discussions with multiple viewpoints weren't out of place among students.
This is a conundrum for all of us. The suburbs are (IMHO) better for little kids and the city is way more interesting and engaging for big kids. I would personally prioritize actually spending time with my family over the hype of "good schools." So short commutes, no after-care/before-care, low maintenance house/yard are all priorities for us. I think my son (and my relationship with him) will be better off in an affordable but middling (by the rankings ballyhoo) school system that allows us more involvement in his life because we are around more.
In the end, you have to do what's right for you and your family. I think, generally speaking, a lot of Americans still have the "Leave it to Beaver" version of the American Dream in their head. They want a big green lawn, white picket fence, 2.5 kids, and a dog. This version of the American Dream is not ideal for everyone though.
Personally, I grew up in the suburbs and I enjoy living in the suburbs. I really couldn't imagine raising my family anywhere else. I like the idea of living on a quiet street where I can teach my son to ride a bike without worrying about him getting hit by a car. There are plenty of opportunities for kids to succeed in the Boston school system, but they have to be earned and there are hurdles to jump. I feel like in the burbs opportunities to succeed are available to everyone without having to make the effort. Either way, it's up to the child to take advantage of those opportunities.
We live in Somerville and are absolutely going to try to stick it out with our kids. We are seeing a huge influx of uber-educated new families that are thriving in schools that on the surface seem to be sub-par. Once you dig into the data and studies regarding school scores, there is a clear conclusion among studies that the school itself has almost no bearing on your child's scholastic success. The only factors that are correlated to student success are the socio-economic status of YOUR household, and YOUR level of parental involvement, regardless of the school and the background of the other student.
Some of the things we love about living in Somerville:
Its quiet as long as you live on a side street. Almost everyone uses a gas-free lawn mower and weed-whacking takes all of 4 minutes per week. I have found the idea of suburbia being quieter to be questionable based on my experience. The open areas of less urban areas allow the noises of construction, leaf blowers, and gas powered lawn mowers to travel farther, making those tranquil Saturday afternoons a bit more unlikely than one may think.
Independence for teens. The 13-17 year olds have an amazing level of freedom. They can explore several squares on foot with their friends, or walk to the T and go into Boston. Because of the high density of children, they can walk to the homes of most of their school friends within a few blocks.
The 1-4 year olds tend to get out often and see more without having to be strapped into a car every time they leave the house. We can stroll to the winter market, the local butcher shop, the Natural History museum, or the grocery store. One benefit to the fact that kids can not play independently in the back yard is that the playgrounds tend to be a great place for community and social interaction. Many suburban playgrounds tend be empty in comparison.
There are also so many fun kid-friendly street festivals. Honk!, ArtBeat and SomerStreets just to name a few.
Safety. What's the #1 killer of teens? Car accidents. Teens that can walk are much less likely to be driving a car when they turn 17-18.
Diversity. I love the mix of people here, not only culturally but philosophically. More people tend to have interesting jobs that they are passionate about, like architects, non-profit managers and founders, artists, jewelry makers, and faculty at local universities.
Also, here is an interesting comparison of the Somerville and Cambridge non-low income scores, against the "top" suburbs like Newton, Wellesley, Weston and Lexington. As you can see, once you control for income, the kids here can do as well as any other town.
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(although where I live is a small town that I don't really consider a suburb). 
). 
