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Old 09-06-2008, 02:41 PM
 
40 posts, read 159,949 times
Reputation: 17

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I have felt like some kind of a wierdo since coming to SoCal over 5 yrs ago. It has done something to my personality, I know that I could never fit in here....nor would I want to. My daughter (16 1/2) has become a snotty little SoCal girl....she hates New England (bad memories from an abusive father/husband). This same daughter has become abusive to me,,,,like a predator who can see that you are vulnerable. She could see that I felt and continue to feel strange....I left my life back there in 2003 to escape an abuser, divorce etc. But I have paid the price, have no one here. I feel uneasy and cannot be myself.....my son also wants to return.
A lesson to learn: a tree has to grow where it is planted. A big move, especially one that is not chosen....costs a lot psychologically.
Cannot wait to return,,,,buying my own home, sitting out on my farmers porch and waving to my neighbors. AND cannot wait to breathe again,,,,fresh air.....ewww I love the cold and the SNOW!!!
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Old 09-06-2008, 08:02 PM
 
278 posts, read 1,063,559 times
Reputation: 203
Quote:
Originally Posted by Travelin2012 View Post
I have felt like some kind of a wierdo since coming to SoCal over 5 yrs ago. It has done something to my personality, I know that I could never fit in here....nor would I want to. My daughter (16 1/2) has become a snotty little SoCal girl....she hates New England (bad memories from an abusive father/husband). This same daughter has become abusive to me,,,,like a predator who can see that you are vulnerable. She could see that I felt and continue to feel strange....I left my life back there in 2003 to escape an abuser, divorce etc. But I have paid the price, have no one here. I feel uneasy and cannot be myself.....my son also wants to return.
A lesson to learn: a tree has to grow where it is planted. A big move, especially one that is not chosen....costs a lot psychologically.
Cannot wait to return,,,,buying my own home, sitting out on my farmers porch and waving to my neighbors. AND cannot wait to breathe again,,,,fresh air.....ewww I love the cold and the SNOW!!!
For whatever it's worth, I will respond to your post. You sound a bit melancholy. I moved to New England from Texas and remember feeling that way for awhile. I also have children similar in age to your daughter, so I can relate to the snotty factor of teenaged daughters. For a long time, I blamed our move on her crappy attitude...but every time I talked to my friends back home, they were having the same problems...sometimes it's just the age & hormones...not that it makes it any easier to live with them. At some point, I decided to let go of all the reasons I loved Texas and began to look for reasons to love where I am today. It's not always easy to do. But there are some great things about SoCal...the weather, the beaches, etc...just try to focus on what's good in your life right now: you are free from abuse (congrats, by the way!), you are obviously a brave woman, you have healthy kid(s), all that stuff we take for granted. So I realize that some of this sounds completely corny, but life is filled with corny moments that make us all very happy. I wish you dozens of those moments until you find yourself back on that farmer's porch, surrounded by good neighbors.
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Old 09-07-2008, 11:00 AM
 
40 posts, read 159,949 times
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Lorilu, thank you for your response. I know that girls that age can be ugly and nasty no matter where you go, it is her not her location. I just long for the former environment.....and for me there is nothing I like here. (CA)
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Old 09-07-2008, 06:58 PM
 
Location: northeast headed southwest
532 posts, read 908,425 times
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Why not try out a third unknown option? There are so many places in the US- why limit yourself? Like snow? How about Chicago?
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Old 09-07-2008, 08:34 PM
 
40 posts, read 159,949 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eastcoastlady View Post
Why not try out a third unknown option? There are so many places in the US- why limit yourself? Like snow? How about Chicago?
Because Chicago is not Boston, don't know much of the windy city.
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Old 09-07-2008, 09:21 PM
 
Location: in a house
5,835 posts, read 5,198,500 times
Reputation: 4890
Former Ca. native here. Why did you chose Ca. in the first place? To me it sounds like wherever you go that isn't Boston, you will be miserable. Do you think this is good for your kids to see you this way? Pull yourself together, get out and make some friends, do some volunteer work to forget your troubles and maybe see a Dr. about anti-depressants to get you through this time. Teenagers are snots, period. Don't let them repeat the abuse they experienced at the hands of their father, with you. Get into teen counseling and FAST!!
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Old 09-07-2008, 09:37 PM
 
40 posts, read 159,949 times
Reputation: 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by puffle View Post
Former Ca. native here. Why did you chose Ca. in the first place? To me it sounds like wherever you go that isn't Boston, you will be miserable. Do you think this is good for your kids to see you this way? Pull yourself together, get out and make some friends, do some volunteer work to forget your troubles and maybe see a Dr. about anti-depressants to get you through this time. Teenagers are snots, period. Don't let them repeat the abuse they experienced at the hands of their father, with you. Get into teen counseling and FAST!!
Thanks for your analysis....my daughter has been in therapy for a long time now, it has done no good. By the way I work full time,,,,don't have time for volunteer work
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Old 09-07-2008, 10:19 PM
 
3,414 posts, read 7,141,754 times
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It must be awful to be so helpless on so many fronts.
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Old 09-08-2008, 08:59 PM
 
Location: from houstoner to bostoner to new yorker to new jerseyite ;)
4,084 posts, read 12,679,286 times
Reputation: 1974
You were fleeing an abusive husband? What if you were to return? Is he still there? Has that situation resolved itself?
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Old 09-08-2008, 10:10 PM
 
40 posts, read 159,949 times
Reputation: 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by houstoner View Post
You were fleeing an abusive husband? What if you were to return? Is he still there? Has that situation resolved itself?
No, he is in another state also......I think that I will not post personal stuff on this board again,,,,other boards for that////leave it to asking questions about MA, stuff that I already know the answer to. I guess what I was hoping for was to talk to others that left the state and returned or wanted to return. In life, we tend to want to find people that think similiarly to us...but I have learned a bit....what people think, weather they are stereotyping or not (there is always some bit of truth behind) about people from other parts of country....it helps me understand myself better. That is why I titled my blog "I feel like a freak".....I do not need permission to want to return to MA, one persons poison is another's sugar.
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