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Old 12-05-2008, 06:17 AM
 
Location: not sure, but there's a hell of a lot of water around here!
2,681 posts, read 7,052,834 times
Reputation: 3871

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Well, first, there's the absolutlely unbearable heat!!!!! I simply can't take much more of it!!!! Today it was almost 82 degrees out, and, right now, it's pushing 76, how can anyone tolerate it!!!! My AC, if it worked, would be running nonstop, 24 hours a day, eight days a week, and would be set at 55 degrees, so I could at least wear a sweater and my leather jacket once in a while, along with some Levis and boots!!!! Heck, maybe even ear muffs!!!!!!!If I was back in Detroit it would at least be around 50, well, maybe fourty,okay,,,thirty tops,,,,, (Don't want to go too over board though.....)

Number two,,,, the cost of food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S ABSOLUTLELY OUTRAGEOUS!!!!!! Why, just the other day, went to Foodway, or was that Safeland??? Well, makes no difference, bought a few racks of lamb,,, some prime rib, whole chicken or two,,, (already prepared, I just don't have the time), a few bottles of 98 Chateau Michelle Pinot Noir, some anchovy crusted artichoke hearts marinated in 90 year old Port,, (I mean, really, do you have them any other way??) and a half case of bottled Viche Water, the total bill????? 600 BUCKS!!!!!!!!!!! I MEAN, THE COST OF WATER HERE ON MAUI IS TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!!!!!! AND THIS DOESN'T EVEN INCLUDE THE PREPARED SALADS, WITH DRESSING, THE SPEARIMINT FLAVORED CAT LITTER,,,, (Roscoe and Hillary just won't have it any other way,,,,,) and all the other stuff I had to buy!!!!

Number three,,,,,The cost of electricity!!!!! My electric bill is almost 600 busks, or was that bucks??? A month!!!!! And, if you refer to #1, I don't even run the AC, CAUSE IT DOESN'T WORK!!!!!!!! So, how do I get around that, LEAVE THE FREEZER DOOR OPEN 24/7, AND PROP MY BEACH CHAIR RIGHT IN FRONT!!!!!! Heck, I even sleep there, which can cause a stiff, and semi frozen neck,,,,,,,which brings us to number...

Four,,,,,,,,(cost of health care), stiff neck, went to see the chiropractor, he just looked at it, and said, "Stop sleeping on a beach chair in front of the open freezer door, that should cure your condition",,,,, well, a hundred buskcs, or was that bucks, later, I've still got a stiff neck, and am trying to drive home, to my private place, but am having a hard time because I can't move my head, which brings me to #

Five,,, I'm getting ready to turn into the driveway of my private place off Kihei Road, but, because of the stiff neck, and now a stiff shoulder, can't get the blinker to work, and what happens?????? I GET REAR ENDED, IN THE REAR, BY SOME TOURIST IODIOT, OR WAS THAT IDIOT, DRIVING A HUMMER!!!!!!!! Now, I've been here for almost two months now, and I know what a tourist looks like!!!! So, there I am, stuck in my trusty 78 Ford Pinto that I shipped over from the mainland, and this big, and I do mean BIG!!!!!!,,, dark skinned guy gets out of the Hummer, walks towards my car, offers to help me out............ Well,,,,,,,, HE then says, "Eh, how come you nevah wen make wit da kine signal????? I nevah wen know you was goin huki or ho'opau... Well, I know a foreign language when I hear it, so, there I am, rear ended by some foreigner, terrorist for all I know, and I get onto my cell phone,,,,,,,,which,,,,, brings me to

Number six,,,,, the cell phone service over here absolutely STINKS!!!!!! I couldn't even get a busy signal!!!! How was I to know that,,,,,

Number Seven,,,,,,,,,,,the postal service stinks even more than the cell phone service does!!!!! I never recieved that Cell phone bill from Utlra Long Distance Extnze International Ring a Ding, how was I to know that they had cut my service off!!!!!!! Which brings me to number

Eight,,,,,,,,,please refer to Number One, I'm working on the other 3, but, did I fail to mention,,,,, THE BEACH IS FULL OF SAND,,,,,, AND THE OCEAN IS SALTY!!!!!!! AND, I SUSPECT, FILLED WITH WHALE CRAP THIS TIME OF YEAR,,,,,,,,,,,HECK,,, I'M MOVING BACK TO DETROIT,,,,,,,,,,if they'll have me..............

All in good fun, ono aka'aka, as in good laughs, Aloah, or, was that, Aloha, yep, more like it

Last edited by 7th generation; 12-05-2008 at 03:50 PM.. Reason: cleaned it up
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Old 12-05-2008, 07:28 AM
 
Location: Hilo, HI
100 posts, read 319,456 times
Reputation: 31
omg you are a riot hahahahaha I still can't stop laughing - yep needed a good chuckle to get me going this morning hehe!
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Old 12-05-2008, 09:23 AM
 
Location: Londonderry, NH
41,479 posts, read 55,640,417 times
Reputation: 24770
My piles bleed bitter beet borsch. I hope you roast while other body parts fall off from standing in front of the freezer. Why did the guy with the Hummer even stop for a Pinto? Pintos are a road hazard. Only $600 for groceries? I had to pay $600 for dry wood that was not even edible

Envy much? Go surf Jaws and be careful of the wahannies. I’ll think of you while falling on the ice.
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Old 12-05-2008, 09:55 AM
 
7 posts, read 29,285 times
Reputation: 11
Smile Absolutly Hilarious!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jungjohann View Post
Well, first, there's the absolutlely unbearable heat!!!!! I simply can't take much more of it!!!! Today it was almost 82 degrees out, and, right now, it's pushing 76, how can anyone tolerate it!!!! My AC, if it worked, would be running nonstop, 24 hours a day, eight days a week, and would be set at 55 degrees, so I could at least wear a sweater and my leather jacket once in a while, along with some Levis and boots!!!! Heck, maybe even ear muffs!!!!!!!If I was back in Detroit it would at least be around 50, well, maybe fourty,okay,,,thirty tops,,,,, (Don't want to go too over board though.....)

Number two,,,, the cost of food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S ABSOLUTLELY OUTRAGEOUS!!!!!! Why, just the other day, went to Foodway, or was that Safeland??? Well, makes no difference, bought a few racks of lamb,,, some prime rib, whole chicken or two,,, (already prepared, I just don't have the time), a few bottles of 98 Chateau Michelle Pinot Noir, some anchovy crusted artichoke hearts marinated in 90 year old Port,, (I mean, really, do you have them any other way??) and a half case of bottled Viche Water, the total bill????? 600 BUCKS!!!!!!!!!!! I MEAN, THE COST OF WATER HERE ON MAUI IS TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!!!!!! AND THIS DOESN'T EVEN INCLUDE THE PREPARED SALADS, WITH DRESSING, THE SPEARIMINT FLAVORED CAT LITTER,,,, (Roscoe and Hillary just won't have it any other way,,,,,) and all the other crap I had to buy!!!!

Number three,,,,,The cost of electricity!!!!! My electric bill is almost 600 busks, or was that bucks??? A month!!!!! And, if you refer to #1, I don't even run the damned AC, CAUSE IT DOESN'T WORK!!!!!!!! So, how do I get around that, LEAVE THE FREEZER DOOR OPEN 24/7, AND PROP MY BEACH CHAIR RIGHT IN FRONT!!!!!! Heck, I even sleep there, which can cause a stiff, and semi frozen neck,,,,,,,which brings us to number...

Four,,,,,,,,(cost of health care), stiff neck, went to see the chiropractor, he just looked at it, and said, "Stop sleeping on a beach chair in front of the open freezer door, that should cure your condition",,,,, well, a hundred buskcs, or was that bucks, later, I've still got a stiff neck, and am trying to drive home, to my private hell hole, but am having a hard time because I can't move my head, which brings me to #

Five,,, I'm getting ready to turn into the driveway of my private hell hole off Kihei Road, but, because of the stiff neck, and now a stiff shoulder, can't get the blinker to work, and what happens?????? I GET REAR ENDED, IN THE REAR, BY SOME TOURIST IODIOT, OR WAS THAT IDIOT, DRIVING A FRIGGIN HUMMER!!!!!!!! Now, I've been here for almost two months now, and I know what a tourist looks like!!!! So, there I am, stuck in my trusty 78 Ford Pinto that I shipped over from the mainland, and this big, and I do mean BIG!!!!!!,,, dark skinned guy gets out of the Hummer, walks towards my car, offers to help me out............ Well,,,,,,,, HE then says, "Eh, how come you nevah wen make wit da kine signal????? I nevah wen know you was goin huki or ho'opau... Well, I know a foreign language when I hear it, so, there I am, rear ended by some foreigner, terrorist for all I know, and I get onto my cell phone,,,,,,,,which,,,,, brings me to

Number six,,,,, the cell phone service over here absolutely SUCKS!!!!!! I couldn't even get a busy signal!!!! How was I to know that,,,,,

Number Seven,,,,,,,,,,,the postal service sucks even more than the cell phone service does!!!!! I never recieved that Cell phone bill from Utlra Long Distance Extnze International Ring a Ding, how was I to know that they had cut my service off!!!!!!! Which brings me to number

Eight,,,,,,,,,please refer to Number One, I'm working on the other 3, but, did I fail to mention,,,,, THE BEACH IS FULL OF SAND,,,,,, AND THE OCEAN IS SALTY!!!!!!! AND, I SUSPECT, FILLED WITH WHALE CRAP THIS TIME OF YEAR,,,,,,,,,,,HECK,,, I'M MOVING BACK TO DETROIT,,,,,,,,,,if they'll have me..............

All in good fun, ono aka'aka, as in good laughs, Aloah, or, was that, Aloha, yep, more like it


I get jokes that are supposed to be funny that can't hold a candle to what you wrote here. You should be a comedian or maybe you are.
I suspect there are a few that would love to have you write for them.

All joking aside I feel so sorry for you. Stuck in a hell hole in Hawaii. Of all the things you have to put up with and then there are those pesky foreigners with their Hummers just waiting to run over poor folk like you.

If you need someone to come over and help you out with all those problems I would be first in line. Unfortunately my wife may be able to see through it so that's out.

Thanks for the laugh and I hope things get better for you. Poor thing.
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Old 12-05-2008, 10:21 AM
 
Location: Hawai'i
115 posts, read 447,499 times
Reputation: 52
Great I had plans of moving to the islands but after this I don't think I could handle it anymore, Thanks for the great insight and thanks for the info on the ocean, I can live with the whale crap but I never thought of it being salty.
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Old 12-05-2008, 11:08 AM
 
Location: Londonderry, NH
41,479 posts, read 55,640,417 times
Reputation: 24770
Crapping is not the only thing whales do in the ocean. How do you think they start new whales? In the ocean! In public, even!
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Old 12-05-2008, 11:42 AM
 
Location: Hawai'i
115 posts, read 447,499 times
Reputation: 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by GregW View Post
Crapping is not the only thing whales do in the ocean. How do you think they start new whales? In the ocean! In public, even!
Now I'm blushing
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Old 12-05-2008, 12:19 PM
 
Location: Moku Nui, Hawaii
10,876 posts, read 21,511,812 times
Reputation: 10527
Shall we blame that post on okolehau? Whatever you're drinking, I want some, too!
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