Extremely conservative office culture (Memphis: move to, food, title)

[gazingabove]

Hello,

I recently moved from SE New Mexico to Memphis. I thought I was prepared for the change in culture, environment and social atmosphere. Flash forward I am at my workplace and have had multiple times coworkers engage me with their deep rooted beliefs about firearms, immigration, religion, etc. I have seen ladies stop in front of doors expecting them to be opened, refusing to say hello first, insisting on being called something other than simply "Jane or John". How does one acclimate to the culture here? Am I the only one who has recognized this?

Thanks!

Maris

[weeblywobbly]

1. Next time a co-worker tries to involve you in one of those conversations, just say: "I don't want to discuss (xtopic) at work." Or you can wear a Hilary 2016 pin. They'll definitely know where you stand then.

2. Are you a guy? Because if you are, just open the door. It won't hurt anyone. If you're a woman, there's not much you can do about that.

3. Refusing to say hello first? You need to give context.

4. Call them what they want to be called by.

The phrase "when in Rome..." comes to mind. Not saying that you have to suddenly take up deer hunting, but doing the simple things won't hurt.

[gazingabove]

1. I am not a Hillary fan but their subjects get into areas which I just don't feel comfortable speaking about.

2. I am a male. I do open the door but balance it in an acceptable manner. My spouse does not even expect this level of treatment.

3. Walking down the hall, eye contact and a sny hello by the other coworker. (Multiple times / same coworker)

4. I find it highly awkward referring to coworkers as Mr. Ms.

I fully understand the "when in Rome" phrase. I have to mention that Rome didn't turn out so well in the end. It seems as if there is a expected level of professionalism / etiquette / or manners that exceeds anything I have ever seen slighted towards one gender.

[Vacanegro]

The south can be very traditional - but folks don't normally expect outsiders to be exactly like them. You don't have to change your behavior beyond being respectful and feel free to give them the benefits of your opinion. They usually will deal with it.

[DubbleT]

You moved to a southern city and are surprised that many women still expect men to open doors? I don't think you were as prepared as you thought you were, lol. Using first names varies a bit, but is usually considered to be pretty informal. If your co-workers are quite a bit older or higher up on the food chain than you are it's a sign of respect to address them with a title. Older women are almost always Mrs Soandso or Miss Mary, Miss Jane, never just a plain first name. It's kinda like calling your mom by her first name instead of calling her mom, it's just a little too forward, not respectful.

[Creekcat]

Originally Posted by gazingabove

1. I am not a Hillary fan but their subjects get into areas which I just don't feel comfortable speaking about.

2. I am a male. I do open the door but balance it in an acceptable manner. My spouse does not even expect this level of treatment.

3. Walking down the hall, eye contact and a sny hello by the other coworker. (Multiple times / same coworker)

4. I find it highly awkward referring to coworkers as Mr. Ms.

I fully understand the "when in Rome" phrase. I have to mention that Rome didn't turn out so well in the end. It seems as if there is a expected level of professionalism / etiquette / or manners that exceeds anything I have ever seen slighted towards one gender.

1. Tell them about this, don't suffer in silence.

2. Acceptable manner? I open the doors as well, but it is a dying tradition. Never had anyone stop and expect me to open the door though.

3. Sounds like it could be just this co-worker.

4. Why? Is this an office setting?

[BirdieBelle]

Originally Posted by weeblywobbly

The phrase "when in Rome..." comes to mind.

Yep.

[CristenS]

Like anytime you move to a different part of the country, there are things you have to get used to. Either ignore it, or go with it. I don't see the problem with holding a door open, that's common courtesy. I've never had someone EXPECT me to open a door for them, but I often hold the door and get no 'thank you' in return. It is what it is.
As for the topics of convo, if someone is forcing you to talk about XYZ (which I think is odd), wave them off, give them no response, a vague response, and hopefully they will get the picture.
But I'm wondering if it's possibly your new company? Maybe it's a very conservative, traditional company who tends to hire likeminded people?
I work with people who want to be refered to "Ms. XYZ." I don't do it. I call people by their names. No special treatment for people on that one.

[My_home_town]

Welcome to the Mid South. Just imagine if you were in the deep south!

We do things as we were raised to do. Not everyone is from here so it's not all "ya'll come back now, ya here!". But it ain't NY either. There's nothing wrong with a little conversation. Granted some want to talk your ear off. Get one of those false phone call apps and excuse yourself. Next time you want to tell someone about how great the art culture is in NM, perhaps they'll take your cue.

[nurider2002]

this is an eye opener for me! Also considering a career move to Memphis but I don't believe I have ever worked anywhere in 40 years where co-workers address each other as Miss or Mr.!!! I won't discuss politics at work so no issue there and always open the door for anyone nearby so, other than the formality of addressing someone, are there other social norms that may come as a shock? Of course coming from Baltimore where my co-workers will often substitute "good morning" for "hey baby", it could take some getting used to, LOL.