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Old 03-20-2008, 09:53 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,757 posts, read 35,383,249 times
Reputation: 6960

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I started having what I later found out was panic attacks when I was very young. I have never thought I was having a heart attack. For some reason I always knew it was an extreme anxiety reaction but since so many people had told me they thought they were having a heart attack when they were having a panic attack, it never occurred to me thats what this was.

When my Mother had her heart attack, mind you she is a nurse, she didn't realize it. In fact she was trying to get up off the table in the ER, telling them she was fine. They ran some tests and checked her cardiac enzymes and found that she indeed had a heart attack. She had stints inserted and was fine.

 
Old 03-20-2008, 11:48 AM
tao
 
Location: Colorado
721 posts, read 3,185,787 times
Reputation: 946
Before I started taking Xanax regularly I thought I had a serious heart condition - my heart was constantly palpitating, beating irregularly, and racing, and often when I was at rest, in a relaxed and peaceful state watching tv or reading I would suddenly get a feeling of my heart being squeezed. I also had constant stabbing chest pains and pain that would shoot down my left arm plus tingling in my left hand. Then I started taking Xanax. All the heart stuff went away though I still have panic attacks - now they're more about feeling like I can't breathe and a feeling of complete and utter panic.

I haven't posted for a while - it's been rough for me lately. It's not just a simple case of me taking anti-anxiety drugs - I also take my pain meds for my herniated disc and the combination is affecting my brain chemistry in a big way. I have sunk into a very deep depression because I'm in constant physical pain because of my back, I'm physically dependent on both percocet and Xanax (and go through harsh withdrawal if I don't take them within a certain time frame), and most of the time all I feel is complete hopelessness about the future. I've lost interest in everything I used to care about and now just try to sleep as much as possible. The rest of the time all I can think is, "I wish I were dead." I've been in constant and unrelenting physical pain for over a year now, I've been on Percocet for over a year now (and am now up to taking 5-6 a day) and I've been on Xanax for about 6 months. I also take Flexeril for my back spasms, usually 1-3 a day, for over a year. All these drugs are necessary for me - to endure the pain and to control my anxiety/panic disorder. But where is the line between the mixture of drugs causing a chemical imbalance in my brain and creating this depression and the situational aspect - being in constant pain and seeing no hope for it to ever stop?
 
Old 03-20-2008, 03:42 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,757 posts, read 35,383,249 times
Reputation: 6960
Tao, I am so sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I too had a back problem in my 20s although it doesn't sound like it was as severe as yours.

Has your doctor considered giving you an anti-depressant for long term maintenance of pain? Thats how I discovered Paxil helped me so much. There are alot of anti-depressants but only some are used in long term maintenance of pain. It helped me alot. Even now, I have three crushed veterbrae in my neck, now that I am taking the Paxil again, the pain doesn't get me down so much. I have stomach problems so the pain medication I can take is limited.

It can get better, I know it can. I had a slipped disc in my back in my 20s that gave me a limp, my doctor wanted me to start using a cane I was so unsteady on my feet. Its not completely better but I no longer stagger and limp.
 
Old 03-20-2008, 04:06 PM
 
Location: ~~In my mind~~
2,110 posts, read 6,945,974 times
Reputation: 1657
Quote:
Originally Posted by tao View Post
Before I started taking Xanax regularly I thought I had a serious heart condition - my heart was constantly palpitating, beating irregularly, and racing, and often when I was at rest, in a relaxed and peaceful state watching tv or reading I would suddenly get a feeling of my heart being squeezed. I also had constant stabbing chest pains and pain that would shoot down my left arm plus tingling in my left hand. Then I started taking Xanax. All the heart stuff went away though I still have panic attacks - now they're more about feeling like I can't breathe and a feeling of complete and utter panic.

I haven't posted for a while - it's been rough for me lately. It's not just a simple case of me taking anti-anxiety drugs - I also take my pain meds for my herniated disc and the combination is affecting my brain chemistry in a big way. I have sunk into a very deep depression because I'm in constant physical pain because of my back, I'm physically dependent on both percocet and Xanax (and go through harsh withdrawal if I don't take them within a certain time frame), and most of the time all I feel is complete hopelessness about the future. I've lost interest in everything I used to care about and now just try to sleep as much as possible. The rest of the time all I can think is, "I wish I were dead." I've been in constant and unrelenting physical pain for over a year now, I've been on Percocet for over a year now (and am now up to taking 5-6 a day) and I've been on Xanax for about 6 months. I also take Flexeril for my back spasms, usually 1-3 a day, for over a year. All these drugs are necessary for me - to endure the pain and to control my anxiety/panic disorder. But where is the line between the mixture of drugs causing a chemical imbalance in my brain and creating this depression and the situational aspect - being in constant pain and seeing no hope for it to ever stop?

Tao, I am truly sorry for all that you are going through right now. I am worried about you having to take the pain pills everyday. Have you looked into other doctors regarding your back? Is there any kind of rehabilitation you could be getting regarding the pain you are feeling?

I understand about feeling so depressed you wish you were dead. I used to lay in my bed and cry all the time and wish that very same thing. For years I truly wanted to die. I didnt see any point to living a life that was as crappy as mine was. I was so paralzed by panic that I couldnt do anything. Well I came to find out that even at my worst, it was still worth living. As it is for you to continue living. I know how hard things get. I cant imagine though what it is like to add continuel(sp?) back pain, and have anxiety too. My heart goes out to you. I dont think taking all those meds is the best thing for you, it might be making you feel worse. I really would Tao, look into some other kind of way of dealing with the pain in your back. Did you ever watch Celebrity Rehab? One of the actors that went into rehab had a back injury and was taking lots of pills for his back. Well they brought in a yoga teacher for him, and it really helped him a lot. He was able to walk with a cane, as opposed to being in a wheel chair. The stretching is what helped him. Could you try something like yoga? Or some other kind of pain management. I am dont mean to lecture or tell you what you need to do. I just care, and am worried. I hope I didnt say anything to upset you Tao, as that was not my intent at all. If you ever need to talk you can always DM me too. Please take care of yourself Tao.
 
Old 03-20-2008, 04:25 PM
 
159 posts, read 599,247 times
Reputation: 70
tao, please know, that although none of us can fix how you feel, we are all here with you, here for you and supporting you. Your life IS worth living, and believe me, I have been in your shoes, and I wish I could wrap you up in a big hug, rock you, and tell you its going to be ok. Hang in there, baby steps, just little baby steps, you can make it through this dark tunnel to the other side.

Have you thought about acupuncture, reflexology, massage etc? omething to make you feel as if you are in control of the pain? What about hypnosis? Im just trying to throw suggestions out there, with hopes soemthing will catch your interest.

please tao, if you need to talk, drop me a msg, never feel alone, i check this board ALLLL the time, so you can reach me.

When you feel like you can't support yourself anymore, know that ALL of us here, Lindsey, Suzet, mystree, me, etc are all holding you up so you wont fall. Dont be afraid, we are here for you, in mind and spirit and in love of friendship.
 
Old 03-20-2008, 04:28 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,757 posts, read 35,383,249 times
Reputation: 6960
Yes Tao, if you need to talk, I am on here all the time, send me a DM, we can chat here or over Yahoo, I have an Id I can give you.

Constant pain can get you down, drag you down like chains. Its so hard to take everyday.
 
Old 03-20-2008, 09:38 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
5,297 posts, read 6,283,191 times
Reputation: 8185
I do believe too many meds are not good. I think Doctors have gotten so busy they just throw medications around like halloween candy rather than treating the patient,not saying medications aren't needed by many but I think it's just easier for them to treat you through drugs.Before you know it you're taking 12 different pills to fight the side effects of another medication your taking.
 
Old 03-21-2008, 12:16 AM
 
Location: ~~In my mind~~
2,110 posts, read 6,945,974 times
Reputation: 1657
Ok well I am having a huge panic attack tonight. I am not sure where to go or what to do. I have found out things about my husband....and I am pretty upset and heartbroken. Unfortunalty it is causing me to panic now. I just cant take this crap from him anymore. Oh screw it, its not worth talking about...he is a pig, and I cant stand him. He has made me anxious for the last time...
 
Old 03-21-2008, 12:32 AM
tao
 
Location: Colorado
721 posts, read 3,185,787 times
Reputation: 946
I'm sorry to vent like I did this morning and get everyone worried. Yes, I was honest about how I feel and have been feeling and also about my past year's situation but to be fully honest, my life has always been this way. For all my 37 years in this life I've spent probably 90% of it wishing I were dead. And I haven't done myself in yet. I've had a hard life...hard is an understatement but I don't want to go into it and get too personal here on a message board.

As for my herniated disc, I tried everything before I resorted to taking the meds, believe me. Physical therapy, spinal injections, going to a chiropractor (which is what actually made the disc slip out even further), homeopathy and seeing a naturopathic doctor, even hypnosis. But none of it helped. The disc is so far out it's pushing right up against a large branch of nerves (which includes the sciatic nerve) - all the time. For over a year now. The pain is constant. I can't go out anywhere for longer than two hours before I'm in tears because the pain is so bad. So trust me when I say, I had no choice but to take pain meds. I've tried different combinations but through trial and error refused to take anything outside of the percocet and flexeril. And then the Xanax when the anxiety attacks started happening daily and started getting really severe. I was having full blown attacks several times a day and thought I was going to die of a heart attack. So I started the Xanax and it helped. But now the combination of meds plus the constant severe physical pain and the limitations of my body are all getting to be too much now - physically, emotionally, mentally, etc. and I can't go on like this anymore.

But...I have an appointment to see a surgeon on the 31st to discuss having surgery to end this once and for all. I've put off the surgery for a year because I just had my gallbladder out a little over a year ago in a fairly traumatic emergency surgery situation and I wasn't ready to get cut open again so soon. Plus this surgery is scary and fairly risky (they're going to cut me open, lift up a branch of nerves that are sitting right on the slipped/bulging disc, hold the nerve branches out of the way then cut out the bulging part of the disc, hopefully not cutting or nicking any of my nerves and paralyzing or killling me). I've heard a lot of horror stories from people who have had the surgery (and ended up being worse off and in more pain than they'd been in before the surgery, and then needing multiple surgeries, etc.) which didn't help and was part of what has kept me from having the surgery. But now it's time. I can't go on living this way. After a hopefully successful surgery I'll have to go through the process of weaning off the meds. I don't expect that to be easy as I already experience withdrawal several times a day until I take my meds. That's part of why I get depressed and start feeling hopeless. The future looks a bit bleak right now and I have a daunting journey ahead. But right now I feel ok so I'm in a more positive frame of mind and I am trying to be optimistic.

I don't know where I'll be after that whole journey in terms of my panic/anxiety disorder. Hopefully it will end when I get off the meds completely and have a healthy body and can live a normal life again. Or at least hopefully it will get better at least.
 
Old 03-21-2008, 01:29 AM
 
Location: ~~In my mind~~
2,110 posts, read 6,945,974 times
Reputation: 1657
((((((((((Tao)))))))))))) here is a big hug for you sweetie. It is ok to come here and vent. I just did too. Although my vent isnt near as important as yours was. So dont ever worry about venting on here.

As risky as it is, I think having the surgery might be the best thing for you. Getting off the meds will come when it is time. Its never easy, but you will be able to do it. You have all of us here rooting for you. I hope after the surgery, your anxiety goes away too. That would be wonderful.
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