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Unfortunately...the surgery was a true nightmare. You guys won't believe what happened, the worst nightmare for a panic attack sufferer, or anyone, really: When they gave me the anesthesia it wasn't enough to knock me out right away and as I felt it hit me instead of going under I couldn't breathe. Literally. I could hear faint voices telling me to breathe but my lungs couldn't move - they were already anesthetized I guess. For several seconds I kept frantically trying to mime that my lungs couldn't move and I literally couldn't breathe. Then I heard them say "Relax" over and over as they intubated me. Then finally I lost conciousness.
I can't believe I went throught that - first, REALLY not being able to breathe then being awake as they stuck the breathing tube down my throat. The only good part is the amnesiac drugs they gave me somehow blocked out the physical memory of the tube going down - I only felt the sudden relief of being able to breathe. I guess the trauma of not getting knocked out right away and not being able to breathe couldn't be erased though.
It was the most horrible, scary moment of my life. I've been under anesthesia several times and nothing like this ever happened to me. I always got knocked out counting down from 10 and usually I'd be out by 8. It's insane.
One of my panic attack symptoms is a feeling like I can't breathe - but when it's happening it's more like a feeling that I just can't get enough air in my lungs. I'm breathing when I'm having an attack but feeling like it's not enough and that I'm going to pass out. But today I experienced the nightmare reality of not being able to breathe at all...for several seconds.
When I woke up I was in so much pain I can't even describe it. I'm still in so much pain right now. Please, if you can, send me more prayers and/or good vibes. I really need all the help I can get to withstand this experience. I don't know how I'm going to handle this - the anesthesia trauma, the physical pain I'm going to have for the next several days? weeks? months? Right now I'm feeling pretty hopeless and completely freaked out (though I have taken loads of meds to help get through today/tonight so far and it's helped a little).
Oh my God, you poor thing!!! I don't know what to say. Hugs and prayers - other words fail me. I'm glad you're starting to feel better but wow - what a nightmare. Literally. I sometimes get dreams where I feel like I can't breathe and I'm trying to shout for my OH but I'm not making any noise, so to have that for real.... wow... I think you're being really strong dealing with it though. Well done. x
I knew someone who could be walking down the street...and have a seizure for no apparent reason...and she called them "panic attacks". Pretty scary though! She wouldn't walk ANYWHERE by herself.
The fast pace of larger metro areas generally adds to my stress levels. Unfortunately, it is not easy to find good jobs in my career field in smaller towns. I can handle a medium sized town with 50,000 or fewer people fairly well, but metro areas tend to be over-stimulating to me overall. I know I am in a city that is too large when you can hear the constant noise of traffic at night!
I do hope that you all feel better. I am feeling consistently better. I think this medication helps clear my mind enough so I can think clearly about the little things that bother my mind.
For example, I had some anxiety about the first day of May and I couldn't think why. Well how I was before I wouldn't have been able to understand but since I am calmer, I understand what is worrying me. I need to get registered for the summer semester of school.
Before the anxiety would have just lurked in my mind and I would have NO CLUE what was the problem therefore no way to fix it. Its like my reminder button is stuck, the thing that reminds me I need to get something done.
Research Valerian Root. It is cheap and amazing. Valuim (no coincidence they share the same first three letters) was developed and relaxes you in Exactly the same way as Valerian root, which has been used for thousands of years. No side effects, not addicting.
Hey all, I am leaving for the weekend. I am really excited. We are going up to Pismo Beach. The hotel we are staying in has a fireplace and sits up on a cliff and over looks the ocean. It should be a very relaxing trip. I am a bit nervous about driving on the freeway, as it is a little over a 2 hour drive. I am sure it will be ok. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Hopefully panic/anxiety free.
I have mild panic attacks in store and social scenes...the only way I have been able to curb them is to go when invited (because sometimes they do not happen) and find a quiet spot or leave if they do occur...but the point is misplaced anxiety. My head gets all swirly and I get naucious in both situations...stores..I have figured make me clausterphobic and I feel like all the people are dirty...and the whole world is a sham! As for parties...I feel incredibly self-concious...and they set on...so I withdraw to deal.. ALL OF OUR "DISORDERS" are in the MIND...I promise...find a way...you will...Keep the faith+
Tao, I had the same experience when I was being put under for a TEE (transesophageal echo). I have so many allergies, many of them life-threatening, so I never know what will happen with a drug or food.
When the anethesiologist sprayed down my throat to numb it for the tube, I lost it! I couldn't feel anything with the numbing agent and felt like I was choking and unable to breathe. The cardiologist who was doing the test was shouting that I wasn't given enough meds in my IV and "to hit her again". I was totalling freaking out.
That is an awful experience for anyone and to have it happen to someone who has panic/anxiety disorder is on a magnitude that cannot be measured. I fear having any procedures done and want so much to conquer this one paralyzing fear.
My panic/anxiety attacks have been so much in control over the last few years that they no longer cause me the fear that they once did. For so many years I couldn't leave my house - often to even go out into my own yard. I have learned to control this unreasonable anxiety, but must desensitize myself to medical procedures.
My heart and prayers go out to you. I hope that we both can "forget" the fear that we experienced with the breathing tubes. One hurdle passed is one less in our path further down the road. I offer all the support I can to you.
Suzet, this will find you on your weekend get-away, but I hope you are having a wonderful relaxing time.
Lindsay, you have come such a long way. You are an inspiration to so many others that are on the same path. I am so glad that the meds are helping you. Soon, you may find that you can do with much less.
Plains, speedracer, RH1, TKramer, and mystree, it sounds like we all share so many of the same uncomfortable situations. Malls, big crowded cities, tight noisy parties - all anxiety buttons. I hope that all of you are putting yourself out there as much as you can so that you become less and less sensitive to these situations.
I have learned that our natural instinct is to avoid them at all costs. However, this tends to reinforce our inability to coup in those circumstances. If you can expose yourself to them little by little, you may eventually be able to control any anxiety that creeps in when in that spot. This is what helped me to overcome.
Tao, continue to rest, heal, and feel better. The bad experience will dull over time and you can get back on your feet. We are here pulling for you 100%.
Just wanted to add that I am another panic attack buddy. Now my 13 yr old daughter is having them too. I have Mitral Valve Prolapse so am prone to it. I will soon have her tested as well. It is not a heart condition, it is a nerve condition with a "sometimes" heart marker. Anyway, have experienced all of these things on the thread and then some. Hope you all stay close, we need a club, it helps. I am doing better and hope to help my daughter along. I wish you all well. Exercise, and diet are a must. I know it sounds insane when you feel like your having a heart attack but it really does help to release those endorphins. You need them more than most. Little at a time. Try dance dance revolution or Wii sports to start. Wii is coming out with yoga, I can't wait.
We should keep this thread alive panic pioneers!
We can all keep supporting one another and kick this crap!!!!
Twiggy
I am glad everyone seems to be doing better,I do think this move has helped me a bit.I am having fewer attacks these days,they do try to creep in but I have been doing pretty well fending them off lately.They are by no means gone but somewhat more managable.I keep pushing myself to face my anxieties and it seems to be working.
Baby steps are the trick.
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