Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness > Mental Health
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 09-24-2010, 11:15 AM
 
Location: Orlando, Florida
43,854 posts, read 50,964,303 times
Reputation: 58749

Advertisements

If it will help you, I am now in my early 50's. I can look back to at least 4 times in my life when I thought I was a complete failure and all hope was gone. Dreams have been shattered, love has been busted and people around you can seriously disappoint.

Then it occurred to me that who I am isn't defined by what happens in my life. Who I am is defined by how I respond to what happens. How fast do I stand back up, look life in the eye and be determined to have another go at it.

So the job market is slow, you have some bills and some personal situations have beat your heart up. This doesn't begin to suggest your life is over in any way or that you have failed. It isn't though you are dragging 5 kids and a mortgage on your back. This is actually the best time of your life and you have everything going for you.....you just don't realize it yet.

If you need to talk to a professional....do so. But please remember you have so many years ahead to accomplish so many great things. The best is yet to come.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-24-2010, 11:53 AM
 
Location: La Jolla, CA
7,284 posts, read 16,621,951 times
Reputation: 11675
At least you have a degree. Some people work in fields in which the only way to work in the field is to have a specific degree. It seems that a lot of these people forget that their jobs are not necessarily representative of other jobs. Pure degree snobbery is usually from people who have a degree other than yours, and IMO, want to make themselves feel invaluable and/or more important. Most of them are young, and appear to be convinced that the whole world operates within their very limited frame of reference. Age may also be your biggest hurdle, in that you have a lot of people telling you things, but few real life experiences to prove or disprove what people are telling you. In other words, read this thread ten years from now and it will look a lot different.

The truth about degrees is, unless you have a degree that is so highly specialized as to be totally unusable in any other field, it's still useful if you make it useful. Most, if not all of my friends, are in fields that are outside of their degree. I know non-practicing attorneys and a non-practicing dentist, a non-practicing funeral director, a non-practicing nurse, and an electrical engineer who works in software development. I don't even work in the fields of my majors. Each person (myself included) has found a outside of their field of study, that are enjoyable and lucrative. Each person recognized the very obvious, but often overlooked fact, that their education was very valuable in many other fields, not just one. The same holds true with undergraduate degrees.

Regarding therapy: Suicidal thoughts are abnormal. If you are having them, then you might want to use that as the reason to seek help, not some sort of internet-fueled inferiority complex about your degree. Forget about what people are telling you and make the best of your knowledge in what you do.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-24-2010, 12:16 PM
 
331 posts, read 988,331 times
Reputation: 339
Quote:
Originally Posted by solytaire View Post
Because even when the economy improves, that doesnt remove the fact that many degrees are considered worthless in the eyes of academic elitists. (those who think engineering, and medical degrees are the end all be all)
Haha, I've got an engineering degree and am still stuck at a crap-shoot job. I can't find a job using my degree, and at this point consider it worthless. I've always told my friends and family that an education can never be considered worthless. I've always been on the honor roll at every school I attended (elementary through high school), worked hard throughout academic life, got nice paid internships in school due to a high GPA and a talent at what I do. Graduated with honors from a nice private college.

I consider my degree worthless. I regret going to college in the first place, as now I've got a (pardon my reiteration) crap-shoot job that I could have had without the degree, and a nice mound of debt.

My little cousin told me the other day that he wanted to go to the college I went to and become a video game developer / designer. It was the first time I've ever told anyone that I wouldn't recommend college at this point. It felt awkward saying it, but if I had to go back and do it all over again, I wouldn't have gone to college. I'm proud that I did well in school and all, for the most part, but what does it all really mean beyond "I learn quickly, read a lot, and have a lot of debt?"

On the other hand, I'm working on getting a low-paying job out on a mountain at a ski resort so that I can go snowboarding all winter. If I'm going to be burdoned with debt at a dead-end job, I might as well live it up and ride the mountain before I have to default on my loans.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-24-2010, 02:28 PM
 
8,289 posts, read 13,528,609 times
Reputation: 5018
[quote=kinkytoes;16015919]It sounds like you've never been in serious financial difficulty. Money can and DOES affect your life and happiness, level of stress etc. That's why most people agree it's better to be wealthy.

What about my post makes you say that? To the contrary I was raised by a single mother with 3 other siblings and she was also disabled with no financial support from my father so I've known poverty to the 9th. degree.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-24-2010, 02:50 PM
 
3,424 posts, read 5,958,104 times
Reputation: 1849
Quote:
Originally Posted by pyrotech View Post
Haha, I've got an engineering degree and am still stuck at a crap-shoot job. I can't find a job using my degree, and at this point consider it worthless. I've always told my friends and family that an education can never be considered worthless. I've always been on the honor roll at every school I attended (elementary through high school), worked hard throughout academic life, got nice paid internships in school due to a high GPA and a talent at what I do. Graduated with honors from a nice private college.

I consider my degree worthless. I regret going to college in the first place, as now I've got a (pardon my reiteration) crap-shoot job that I could have had without the degree, and a nice mound of debt.

My little cousin told me the other day that he wanted to go to the college I went to and become a video game developer / designer. It was the first time I've ever told anyone that I wouldn't recommend college at this point. It felt awkward saying it, but if I had to go back and do it all over again, I wouldn't have gone to college. I'm proud that I did well in school and all, for the most part, but what does it all really mean beyond "I learn quickly, read a lot, and have a lot of debt?"
Well said...by the way, Dont EVER let anyone go to college for a video game design degree. That will be the biggest waste of paper and money they've ever spent...The vast vast majority of people who target video game design degrees wind up working at Subway. The industry is 99 percent who you know and about 1 percent talent, and 0 percent education...I wouldnt recommend college to any high school student at this point..much less one wishing to pursue a video game design/programmer degree.

Last edited by solytaire; 09-24-2010 at 03:10 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-24-2010, 03:59 PM
 
Location: Land of Free Johnson-Weld-2016
6,470 posts, read 16,345,351 times
Reputation: 6518
[quote=MiamiRob;16019983]
Quote:
Originally Posted by kinkytoes View Post
It sounds like you've never been in serious financial difficulty. Money can and DOES affect your life and happiness, level of stress etc. That's why most people agree it's better to be wealthy.

What about my post makes you say that? To the contrary I was raised by a single mother with 3 other siblings and she was also disabled with no financial support from my father so I've known poverty to the 9th. degree.
Ah, okay. Sorry MiamiRob. I wrote that because you said that money didn't make you happy. I'm not sure if it will make you happy by itself, but being free of a large debt burden feels good. IMO And not being to pay bills or support your kids makes you feel bad.

Hmm I guess nobody agrees w/ me that the OP needs to get a GF, huh?

Also, for the person who says he regrets going to college...It sounds like he regrets going to an expensive private college and financing it with loans...Is that so? Personally, I'd be even MORE of a s.c.h.m.u.c.k (apparently that's a bad word on CD?) w/o my education.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-24-2010, 09:45 PM
 
648 posts, read 1,171,346 times
Reputation: 1315
mc, wow~ I'm impressed by all the nice and sincerely helpful replies you got! There's definitely some compassionate people on this forum. I won't go into all the reasons why the economic & job situation is thoroughly depressing to me also.... other than to say.. I'm sorry for your pain, I agree with you and if it makes you feel any better.... a lot of us (of ALL ages-- not just your particular generation) are all in the same boat! It does seem like those who went to college in the 70's & 80's had things a lot better for so many reasons.... much cheaper cost of living (and without the extra cost of computers, software, cell phones, etc.!).. school was MUCH cheaper, much more grants available, life seemed less stressful and it did seem like you could actually get a decent career with that education... pensions, benefits, raises, overtime, etc. But now? Geez anyone's lucky to be making $8/hr it seems..... and my fear used to be growing older, and still working at age 70... and now it's growing older and not being able to FIND a job when I'm 70...! Anyway....
The other posters are right, there are a lot of positives going for you.. and if nothing else, at some point the only thing left is to focus on them..... your youth, your health, you DO have family.. (many people do not).. even if they're far away.. you DO have a degree, even though it seems worthless.. that doesn't mean it always will be, and you still got that education and 'bettered yourself'... and you can't tell me that doesn't mean SOMETHING... it could lead to something else, maybe totally unrelated. But still it's a step forward.
And YES all those things you mentioned are huge.. no drug addictions, you don't have 10 kids with 10 different baby mommas, having to pay child support, you don't have a major health problem or disability, etc. So if debt and feeling hopeless about the economy (and life) is you're worst thing right now, you're better off than many. Not to do the old 'you think YOU'VE got it bad' thing.... because your issues are 100% legit. Just trying to turn it around, so you can see in some ways, you are fortunate....! So try to focus on that... give yourself credit for making sound decisions and not screwing your life up.
Part of your 'existential angst' I believe is the modern problem of families being so fragmented. So, unless you're family is toxic & bad for you... REACH OUT to them go visit.. call & e-mail often, skype, whatever.. f they are tired of hearing about your problems, TELL then you are sorry to keep going on about it, but to please be patient while you work through it. Tell them you are taking steps to deal with the problems, you've been severely depressed about it and need their understanding. You might be surprised to find you have more support than you thought. And YES get counseling.. there are low cost options available if the regular cost is too much. Even if it's just for 10 sessions. Your mental health is just as important as getting a physical, getting your car tuned up, etc...! (if not more!) Speaking of, you might want to schedule a physical too..... and do an evaluation of your lifestyle.. are you getting proper sleep, or staying up til 4am looking at the computer? Are you eating right & getting some exercise/fresh air? It sounds trite, but it's really the logical thing to look at first. Don't let these forums get to you..... the internet will make you crazy if you let it!
How about your social life.... how often do you get out and see REAL friends? Can you talk about how you're feeling with anyone? Commiserating helps. Maybe you can even have a laugh or 2 about your situation with friends who can relate.
Lastly,, work out a budget and get the debt payments on paper... and refinance as soon as you can. Keep asking them if they will negotiate, maybe if you pay it off sooner, make larger lump payments (or something). Tell your parents & relatives if anyone wants to give you ANY gifts, please make a donation to your college debt fund. You never know.......(?)
Well, I hope some of that helps, and things get better. Hang in there and keep trying. Giving up is for quitters.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-24-2010, 09:52 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,853 posts, read 35,044,864 times
Reputation: 22694
Quote:
Originally Posted by mcb1025 View Post
Let me first start out by stating that I do enjoy City Data's forum. I find a lot of the advice and encouragement on here very helpful.

Now, as you can probably tell, the topic of my post is a grim one. I'm curious whether or not people have been more depressed or have had more suicidal feelings as a result of the economic recession. Do you have friends or family members that have talked to you about this?

Personally, I haven't been happy since my junior year in college in 2005. First, it started out with a horrible relationship with my ex-gf. She treated me awful and totally disregarded my feelings. I coped with that for about two years and then I graduated from college in 2008. Of course, like so many others, I was freaking out over the job market. Fortunately, I found something within a couple months of graduation. The job wasn't ideal and the pay wasn't great. Over the next couple years, I've managed to get a couple of solid raises, earning about $10k over what I started out making.

Regardless of the significant financial gains in such a short amount of time, I still have never been happy. Part of the reason is that I have a significant amount of student loan debt. Another reason is that I'm currently 1200 miles away from any person whom I consider family and a "good" friend, so I feel alienated. Thirdly, I'm petrified that I will not amount to much, meaning my salary may have already peaked, my degree is worthless, and I will never be able to have a family. I can confidently say that the first and third reasons for my unhappiness are significantly tied into what I read on this very forum.

First, I see a lot of posts on here arguing how horrible and detrimental debt is. Here I am, 24 years old, and I feel like my life is on hold because of my student loan debt. The continuous taunting and chastising of debt on these forums makes me feel like my life is over before it has even begun. Secondly, I constantly see posts badgering the field of academic study that I got my degree in. They argue that it's worthless and that I'm never going to get anywhere in my career with it. If it were anything less, I'd say the hell with it and just upgrade to something more marketable. But I can't just upgrade or trade in my education. I'm stuck with it, as well as the huge debt load that came with it.

So here I am, with a big debt burden and supposedly a worthless degree. I feel trapped and hopeless. Frankly, I think my parents and friends back home are tired of hearing about it. I don't think that many on here care about it. I get the feeling that this forum is heavily populated with a social Darwinistic outlook (so the hell with me). People have suggested that I should seek professional attention, but I don't really understand how that will help. They will give me common sense remedies like exercise more, pursue hobbies, make friends, etc. But in the end, I will have spent even more money on the therapy and still have a huge debt load on my shoulders. I'm tired of hearing "it's going to be alright" or "everything will work out in the end". These are not solutions, just empty words that detract from the real issue. I feel hopeless and that, at 24 years old, I've already thrown my life away. No, I didn't do drugs, nor did I have several illegitimate children out of wedlock, nor did I murder anybody. I was only trying to better myself, and now I'm told that it was all done in vain. I feel hopeless and I feel like I'm near the brink of falling apart.

So how have you guys coped with this or helped your friends/family cope with this? What suggestions did you give them that could potentially have positive results or an actual solution to their troubles (not the typical "everything will be alright"). Just curious. Thanks.
The only limitations you have are those you put on yourself. You have unlimited opportunities. But you need to stop taking like a loser and start talking like a person who is going to take the world by storm.

Find something that you are PASSIONATE about and pursue it body and soul. You will make money and more importantly you will be doing something that matters to you. Break free of this dismal, negative rut you are in and live - you are only 24 years old and you sound like someone who is 100.

You might consider taking some Vitamin B supplements while you are at it, and some. St. John's Wort wouldn't hurt. Depression is very often a result of Vitamin B deficiency.

Now, get off yer duff, and get out there and rock the world.

20yrsinBranson
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-25-2010, 02:49 PM
 
17,101 posts, read 16,264,152 times
Reputation: 28389
If it makes you feel any better, there are lots of people in the same boat. Or you could be like me. I spent 4 years and lots of $ in/on college. I partied too much and never graduated. Never got a degree. All that time and money - gone with nothing to show for it. No refunds, no do overs. Talk about feeling stupid.

You may not be happy about your student loan debt, but you have a degree. Trust me, that does mean something.

It's pretty standard to be in an entry level position at your age. The fact that you've gotten a 10K raise in this economy is pretty darned good. It means your company values you, it means your contributions mean something. Your degree will help to ensure that you can continue to rise as far as your potential and hard work will allow.

Don't let your student loan debt overwhelm you. Figure out a plan to pay it off, the sooner the better. You may be eating spaghetti and Ramen for a while, but you'll get that debt paid off.

And as others have suggested - have fun. Some of the best times I've ever had were spent at free concerts, museums, camping, hiking, hanging out with friends, etc.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-29-2010, 02:52 AM
 
Location: under a bridge
580 posts, read 2,290,100 times
Reputation: 1042
I"ll tell you how depression has affected me. At first I was in a panic but after a while you get used to it and you don't care anymore. I don't care what time I go to bed or wake up. I've pretty much given up on the idea of getting a job that will allow me to live any kind of modest life style. I figure sooner or later I will be homeless and living under a bridge somewhere. It seems as though there is no end in sight and it is just easier to just take what life gives you and take it one day at a time.
It seems when I do think that I would like to change my life something always happens to knock me back down again and that hurts worse then doing nothing at all.

I have a perfect example right here: I was offered a job doing maintenance work at a local college. This was a written offer so I knew that it was the real deal. They ran my background check and everything was clean. They had me go for an employment physical and everything seemed fine. In the mean time I get another job offer. It was not a bad offer, it just wasn't as good as first one so I turned it down. No sooner then I had turned it down the first job called and said that they had to withdraw the offer based on the restriction that their doctor had given me. You see about 6 years ago I had carpal tunnel surgery and even though the orthopedic specialist that performed the surgery released me back to work without any restrictions, the general practitioner that did the physical wouldn't release me. It had nothing to do with my ability to do the job or not. It had everything to do with the fact that I had a workers comp claim 6 years ago and they consider me a liability.

It's like I'm the but of some vast cosmic joke. I get two decent job offers in a week and I end up with nothing. I've been applying to 4 or 5 places a week for about 3 months now and have not received a call yet. Oh and believe me, I have lowered my standards. The wages that these jobs are offering are wages that I made 18 years ago.

I just hope when I'm living under that bridge, I will have enough money to buy beer.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness > Mental Health

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:20 PM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top