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Old 10-06-2010, 10:13 AM
 
1,752 posts, read 3,737,477 times
Reputation: 2089

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Hi,
I was wondering if I could have a few tips on a few aspects on my life that give me the most anxiety. I worked with a Counselor a few months ago, for a few months but she didn't seem to help me.

Work: Even though I only work on the weekend (which is not even as busy) (FT college student), I get so nervous. It starts on Wednesday afternoon. Ah great, Saturday is almost here I think... The anxiety increases by each day and by Saturday morning my heart is racing. I feel the lump in my throat. Once I am at work and get going, I'm fine. I laugh, enjoy myself and the day goes by fast. Sunday is kinda the same but its a bit easier because its my "last" day of work for the week. I've always, always been nervous when it comes to work; it doesn't matter what the job is. I've even been told once that I was the best at what I do! What a great compliment, yet I still woke up nervous everyday. Somewhere on the Work Forums there is a post about this, which got a bunch of replies, glad I am not alone, but I still have issues.

GF's family: First, its nothing against them and I believe it could be anyone. I do enjoy spending time with them, which is why I'm so confused. I've been dating my gf for a year and a few months. They are nice people, but I am always nervous when I visit them. I feel bad because my gf has spent a whole week at a time here. This includes times when I'm not even home! She has no issues staying around my family when I am not there. I've only done a few minutes here or there (when she had to leave to pick up something or whatever). I guess I feel awkward. I still feel like a guest, and just now am getting around to knowing where all the different plates, silverware etc are kept. Her mother does the overnight shift and goes for breakfast to her parents every morning once she finishes work. She always invites (or perhaps its more of an "order") us to go up there once we're out of bed and showered before work/school. That is something I'm so nervous about and I don't know why. Its just breakfast, but I've always came up with some excuse as to why I couldn't. Leaving for work/school much earlier then required. "Aw wish i could do breakfast..but I just can't make it". I'd drive right by their house beeping my horn in a friendly way, giving the impression I'm off to work/school right on time without a minute to spare (often arriving a half an hr early etc). Usually I only stay the weekends, and on the weekends I leave before her parents are up (both have the weekends off and get up well after I'm gone) and help myself to cereal before work.

I told my gf that I'll be staying the night tonight (a weeknight!!) and my first class isn't until 1pm so I'll have plenty of time for breakfast with her grandparents. My mind is racing, heart is beating and I'm trying to find an excuse, any excuse to have to leave early to go to class.. I don't think its her family specifically, and I bet it could be anyone's. Another Gf or maybe even one of my guy friends?

Friends: Again, kinda the same as above. I WANT friends, but it seems I don't want to visit with them. Want to hang out on XX day. "Um..oh shoot I can't" I'd reply. Any reason to not go. Seems that I prefer instead of getting home hours later from class/work, I just want to go home. I think I am sorta a "home body" but I'm afraid to lose friends. I am afraid that one day they'll say "geesh, you canceled on me 3 times already, we're done". I can't bring myself to hang out with someone after work. As if I need to "recover" from work before my next shift (remember I only work two days). One of my coworkers wants to get me in on "guy's night". The thought of hanging out with a bunch of people, chatting, laughing, having pizza and watching movies should make me excited and want to visit, but instead it just makes me dizzy and my heart race. Tonight, I am visiting that a friend after school, we're doing a meal together. Just me, him and another mutual friend. To be honest though--and I feel Soooooo bad for saying this--the only reason why I am meeting up with him is so by the time I get done dinner with him and drive to the Gf's, she'll be home and maybe it'll be so late, we'll just watch tv and go to bed (vs lets go visit aunt so and so and uncle so and so etc). Then I can get "away" with saying I spent the night there, while getting to her house at 8pm or 9pm vs 4pm if I were to go straight from my class to her house. Again, I want to stress its nothing against my gf or her family. I can "see" myself doing that if it was a whole different girl and her family.

I don't understand why I'm like this, and I feel bad and crazy for writing this but I want some help. After all, I am good at my job, its the same week after week, I'm treated as if I am "just help" because I am there so little (which I like being treated like that). Because I am there only on the weekends, people are so happy to see me. I do ok and have survived 5 months now and it still feels the same every week.

I've known the family for a year-along with the extended family. Like i said they are nice and I've gone to family gatherings, a wedding, birthday parties and even Thanksgiving dinner and its all gone well. Its interesting to note, that I've always been so nervous about going to each one listed. Even though, I've had fun at each one and remind myself of that ("the last birthday/gathering etc you went to was fun, this one will be too") Why can't I just stop in for breakfast? Why am I so nervous about staying over there? I just want the feelings to stop.

I mentioned I'm in college, I enjoy it and have NO feelings (except enjoyment) when I'm in class. Maybe its because its only 2 hrs vs the 8 hrs at work or the interaction with the family?

Last edited by leadingedge04; 10-06-2010 at 10:22 AM..
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Old 10-06-2010, 12:26 PM
 
Location: Mostly in my head
19,855 posts, read 65,616,889 times
Reputation: 19374
Has it been this way most of your life? Can you go to a job interview w/o feelingn this way? Your grandparents' house? A new church?

I suggest you go to your college's psychology dept. and ask for personality testing. If the counselor you saw before didn't have you do that, it needs to be done. If they did, you need to ask for the results. By law, they are required to give you a copy of the "report" which is not the same as the test scores (I am a psychologist).

If the dept. doesn't do testing, they can refer you to someone who does. There are a few personality issues that could be occuring and which, once identified, may lead to better suggestions to help you. Or you may just accept that it's the way you are. Either way, go!
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Old 10-08-2010, 02:03 PM
 
1,752 posts, read 3,737,477 times
Reputation: 2089
Hello. Yes, its been this way all my life. Yes, I have no issues spending time with my own family, although I'm quick to want to leave. One day my family had a birthday party for my grandmother. I decided to go after work, while the party was in progress. I turned the corner to their house to see a ton of cars there. I wasn't expecting that and my heart was beating, although I knew everyone there.

Interviews etc are fine. I think its because its only 20mins-1hr sorta of deal (depending on the company of course). No, I wasn't ever given a personality test. I actually don't believe our school has a Psychology/Counselor for the students. I know they should, but I go to a branched off college (a different location then its bigger brother, hours away). I haven't seen that service offered here. Its Friday and my heart has been beating all day and I can't stop thinking about this weekend (work! Ahh!).
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