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Whenever some sort of phobia or disorder is so powerful that it has a significant detrimental impact on your life or the lives of those around you then it's time to seek professional help. You hear that said all the time and it's very true. He needs to come to the realization that his situation is causing both of you problems and that seeking guidance is a necessity.
I went through something similar recently. Not a fear of dark, but of heights. And while I am now coping with it, through therapy, and continuing exposure to my pet phobia....none of it would've worked unless I'd gotten to the point where I was ready to change myself. That came about where one exposure to height left me a trembling, blubbering wreck for the rest of the night, BUT it was also the trigger *I* needed to realize *I* needed to fix this.
Bottom line: we can all say he should seeek therapy....but unless he realizies it for himself, and is ready to face his fear, nothing will change.
I was afraid not of heights, but of falling from them.
Until two Army guys dangled me off a roof.
As I didn't pee in my pants or pass out, I considered myself cured from that point forward. Not that I'm going to climb the cables of the Golden Gate, but I wouldn't break out into a sweat walking over the bridge.
Speaking of, I had a wretched fear of bridges. Driving on the top level of the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge (cussing all the way) fixed that, too.
Not that the OP's husband can be fixed that easily, but honestly? The man needs to confront his phobia and will have to be left to drive home in the dark at some point.
He may not change unless you make therapy a condiiton of continuing your marriage. Is it worth that to you? Don't make threats you won't keep as he will know it. The only person who can get him to go to therapy is he himself. And it is soooo curable!
unfortunatly this is a real medical condition, and if therapy wasnt helpfull and hes not willing to consider meds hes out of luck...
the worse part of this is that it sounds like he expects you to cater to this illness for him.
instead id make it very clear you understand he has this phobia and that its a terrible condition that effects his every day life, make it very clear you understand that hes not doing this on purpose...
BUT...
you also cant revolve your entire life around this fear, day turns to night on a fairly regular basis, if you need to stay late at work, you need to, he needs to be more self sufficient if hes unwilling to try to work through this illness, as much as it sounds like you love him, it is simply silly to expect you to always be home before dark...
I think what you need to do is get a summer job in Alaska that pays enough that you can spend the winter in Australia. You'll always have 16 hours of daylight.
He's alredy gone to therapy for many months. It didn't help/work. He refuses to take meds.
He'd never drive home in the dark. He'd just take a cab to nearby hotel and stay there.
What is it about the dark that frightens him? As a previous poster stated, this is a serious phobia that is seriously impacting on his ability to live a normal life. It also afffects your quality of life in so many ways. If he refuses medications or aditional therapy, then you need to decide if this is something YOU want to live with for the rest of your life. I admit that I could not live like this. I wish you the best.
He may not change unless you make therapy a condiiton of continuing your marriage. Is it worth that to you? Don't make threats you won't keep as he will know it. The only person who can get him to go to therapy is he himself. And it is soooo curable!
She said therapy didn't help. Also, therapy isn't free. We've been through that with ds, he's had "issues", everyone squaks "go to therapy". He's been to therapy, to the maximum allowed by insurance for this year (40 visits). I can't see where it did a bit of good, and the copay was $50/visit, so, that was $2000 OOP for "therapy". We now have some free counseling from the state, but I just burn my gas running him there.
I wish people wouldn't be so quick to assume everything can be cured by going to "therapy". You reach a point where you're maxed out on money, time, and incentive.
For the OP, perhaps I'm misreading your post, but I had a similar "panic attack" in Costco about a month ago. It could be the flourscent lights. I understand they flicker so rapidly they appear steady, but actually are flickering. They can produce a type of "seizure' that's misintrepreted as a panic attack.
A simple solution--wear sunglasses while shopping. also, they do make glasses for such flickering lights, might ask about them. You can try the sunglasses first, if they help then inquire about the special glasses.
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