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Bluntness is fine, it's a normal human trait. But excessive bluntness is something that can turn people off. Learning how to smooth social relations is a major part of therapy in the condition.
True, but expensive years of exhaustive therapy should not be necessary,. I learned social skills by trial and error, which is pretty much how everybody learns everything.
Most Aspies who are in middle adulthood actually feel a sense of contentedness if not superiority, and would decline to avail themselves of an intervention, whether chemical or psychiatric, because they look at the NTs around them and don't want to be like them.
It is disturbing to me and many other Aspies that Aspy children are being "forced" to pretend they are not who they are, without being given a chance to grow into their personality and experience life according to their natural-born neuro-temperament.
If I asked you to name one person on earth that you would change places with, I bet you would say 'Nobody'. Well, Aspies don't want to be somebody else, either. Least of all, do they want to be NT.
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To answer the OP's original question, I've been in relationships with women who were beautiful, desirable, sexual, intellectual, professionally successful, and perhaps one or two who were all of the above. Women who could have any man they want, maybe. Nobody is perfect, and partners make their choices about which defects they can live with, taken on balance. I'm not that great, but I guess compared to everyone else, I'm not that bad.
Bluntness is fine, it's a normal human trait. But excessive bluntness is something that can turn people off. Learning how to smooth social relations is a major part of therapy in the condition.
I agree. Aspies have the responsibility to learn how to survive in the world, but we also shouldn't have to sell our souls to NT's. There's a balance that can be found. NT's also have to be willing to bend a little too. Things work out best when people meet in the middle.
I can understand the issue regarding acceptance of ASD. However, I think if a person's symptoms are affecting their lives and their own wellbeing, they should be given the means to manage and overcome the symptoms. If social skills training can help to that end, then IMO it's beneficial.
I have read that they often have some things that they are intensely interested in which become obsessions
I'm curious as to know how to tell the difference between this and a non-aspie who has an interest in a particular subject. For example, a non-aspie who knows what appears to be everything there is to know about, say, France. Is it that the non-aspies know not to talk nonstop about their intense interests for hours on end?
I'm curious as to know how to tell the difference between this and a non-aspie who has an interest in a particular subject. For example, a non-aspie who knows what appears to be everything there is to know about, say, France. Is it that the non-aspies know not to talk nonstop about their intense interests for hours on end?
Aspies like to settle into a routine, and don't like to shift gears, so once they get on a roll with a topic of conversation, it drives them nuts when people keep changing the subject.
Similarly, with clothes. They like to have a basic wardrobe of clothes that are pretty much alike, and never wear anything new or different. Just routinized behavior in general, like doing the same things every night before going to bed, in the same order, and feeling flustered if something disrupts the routine.
I just want to point out that there is no one set definition of Asperger's. For example what jtur88 describe is very true for some Aspies whereas it's only somewhat true or not true at all for other Aspies. There's a lot of variation in the Asperger's community and the Autism community in general, which is why it's often referred to as an Autism Spectrum disorder--because it's a spectrum. Different people display different characteristics to different degrees. Someone people monologue (go on and on about a certain topic without picking up on social cues to change the topic or allow others to speak) more than others where some are more picky about food/clothing than others, and yet others have severe processing issues and others have milder ones. That's why it's important to get a diagnosis from a physician or several, because of the variety of ways Asperger's or autism in general can display itself. For example some of the characteristics jtur88 mentioned are also common in people with anxiety--where they like routine and don't like to switch things up too much because the predictability makes them calmer. So just keep in mind that it's important to look at the whole picture when figuring out if someone is Aspie, and there's no one aspect that "qualifies" or "disqualifies" someone.
Nim, my purpose was not to help people diagnose ASD, but to allude to some of the behaviors that the OP's inquiry brought to mind that might challenge a marriage.
What you say is quite correct, that not all Aspies exhibit the same characteristics.
Aspergers, in recent years, has become so commonplace and well-publicized, that there is a risk that a person's behavior might give a false positive, when in fact there is some other underlying pathology that is contributing to the events. Which is why it is important for an impartial observer to match the patient against the list of symptoms, to see if there is a fairly broad match. But a lay observer can simply look at the list of symptoms on the internet, and make a pretty reliable evaluation, without resorting to a battery of clinical tests. At the same time, if someone looks at a kid and exasperatedly says "Quit acting like you're Aspergers or something", that's not a diagnosis.
The movie "Adam", while it was a fairly good picture, only partly reflected the Aspie personality, and I didn't find it fully convincing. It is, though, I suppose, an illustration of what can happen if parents are overly-solicitous and don't let their children get their feet wet. I thought Vincent Gallo's character in "Buffalo '66" was right on. He was a nearly perfect Aspie.
My wife and I watched that movie together and we found some parts to be so much like our marriage and other parts to be not so much. But I do think it help shed a lot of light on Asperger's for the general public.
- I have a question for the Married Aspies , do you have any plans on having children?
- Do you have many friends (be honest)
- Do you say Inappropriate things and not mean them?
- Do you over worry about things?
- Do loud noises bother you?
Well i have aspies and was just wondered if stuff like that happens.
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