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Old 11-29-2010, 07:38 PM
 
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If people with Asperger's have such trouble with social skills, how do some of them end up married, especially to people without Asperger's? I'm sorry if this question sounds dumb/ignorant.
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Old 11-29-2010, 07:47 PM
 
Location: Indianapolis, IN
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Well, there are different degrees of issues with Asperger's; for some people it is worse than for others. For some, a relationship may be easier than for others. And there are other aspects of their personality. Just because someone has issues in social situations doesn't mean they can't function in personal relationships. It can certainly be hard in a relationship because most couples don't live in isolation, but if you've got understanding friends and family, it can be gotten through. (And hey, then you get to find out who your real friends are!)

Or perhaps they just marry totally awesome, out of this world people. I'm going to go with that one.
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Old 11-29-2010, 08:01 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jillaceae View Post
Just because someone has issues in social situations doesn't mean they can't function in personal relationships.
While this is true, there are many books on the subject (and not just about people with Asperger's - they also say the same stuff about those with ADD, learning disabilities, etc.) where if you read one of these books, you'd think it was impossible for these kinds of people to function in personal relationships. I myself have ADD, and reading books that all claim people with ADD or whatever condition struggle severely in relationships is quite depressing.

And then you come across people with all sorts of issues who are married or in committed relationships. So, where do the authors of all these books get their information from?
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Old 11-29-2010, 08:10 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
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I have read that most people with Asperger's do not get married. Of course that does not answer the OP's question, which concerns the ones who do.
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Old 11-29-2010, 08:18 PM
 
Location: Indianapolis, IN
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I think that most books deal with sweeping generalizations. Most mental disorders have a variety of symptoms that people may or may not suffer from to different degrees of severity (I'm sure you know that), so it is hard to sum them them up and a book and really be hitting everyone.

Also, I would guess most of these books are written by psychologists who probably spend most of their time with people who need to advanced treatment. That would be part of it, too.
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Old 11-29-2010, 10:25 PM
 
Location: Victoria TX
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jillaceae View Post

Or perhaps they just marry totally awesome, out of this world people.
Yeah, like I did. Any woman would rather be married to an Aspie than a sociopath.

Aspies are quite caring and sensitive people. It bothers them a lot to see people in distress, but they're just not very good at expressing their feelings about that, or knowing how to deal with it. It makes them seem very distant, when in fact they are crying inside.
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Old 11-30-2010, 08:07 AM
 
Location: Barrington, IL area
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Originally Posted by jtur88 View Post
Yeah, like I did. Any woman would rather be married to an Aspie than a sociopath.

Aspies are quite caring and sensitive people. It bothers them a lot to see people in distress, but they're just not very good at expressing their feelings about that, or knowing how to deal with it. It makes them seem very distant, when in fact they are crying inside.
This is so true!
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Old 11-30-2010, 09:09 AM
tao
 
Location: Colorado
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My husband has Asperger's and I won't lie and say it's easy. Being with someone who has no empathy for others (except for me and animals), an inability to understand and function normally in social interactions (to the point where he often comes across as very rude and abrupt), a fairly extreme inability to communicate, a complete lack of interest, care and curiosity about other people, and a number of obsessive behaviors...no, it's certainly not easy. In fact, for obvious reasons, it can be quite difficult. But we work, because in a strange way that's hard to put into words, we fit together. Our idiosyncracies are oddly in accord with each other. We're both introverted loners with very divergent minds (and we both have very high IQs, which makes us intellectually compatible), we're both artists who share many of the same obsessive interests and unusual personality traits, as well as similar values and opinions about things, and we appreciate that about each other. There are quite a few manifestations of his Asperger's that others would find impossible to cope with in a mate but I understand him and quite honestly, some of the qualities that stem from his having Asperger's are the very qualities that actually make us compatible.
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Old 11-30-2010, 02:55 PM
 
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Originally Posted by 3divina View Post
If people with Asperger's have such trouble with social skills, how do some of them end up married, especially to people without Asperger's? I'm sorry if this question sounds dumb/ignorant.
They receive social skills training.
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Old 11-30-2010, 09:31 PM
 
Location: Victoria TX
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Quote:
Originally Posted by samston View Post
They receive social skills training.
Only in recent years. I never did.

I never even heard the word Aspergers until I was in my 60s. I went to school before the national hysteria about ADD, etc., and I was just thrown into school to sink or swim. I had to deal with it. Absolutely no social skills training at all, except "Did you thank your grandmother for the cookie?"

I consider myself very fortunate to have not been singled out as "different" at an earlier age. I just went through life dealing with each situation as it arose, and learning from trial and error how to deal with people, or avoid them, or circle around encounters so I wouldn't need to.

I've had a number of committed relationships. I've always liked living with women that I was in an intimate relationship with, and I married some of them. There is about an equal split between those that I left and those that left me, so I can't really say where the fault lay for terminated relationships. But I remained in good terms with all of them, and there isn't one that I couldn't have a friendly and civil lunch with today. With no social skills training.
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