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Old 02-16-2011, 05:21 PM
 
2,596 posts, read 5,568,581 times
Reputation: 3996

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Have you considered therapy? Therapy can be so useful in working through past issues and healing them so that you can look forward to a happier future. A lot of young women come into their early 20's with insecurities from childhood. Yes, some have more natural beauty than others. But truly, you'd be surprised how little happiness comes from the outside world and how much comes from within. Some of the most beautiful people still fixate on their flaws. An average or below-average woman with a shining personality can light up a room and draw far more attention than a looker who doubts herself.

Though if we hold to the "ideal" of being beautiful, then arguably, most women are at their physical peak at 18-20, young, unwrinkled, fully matured. Yet amazingly, far more women feel better about themselves in their 30's and 40's. They've had the time and life experience to find what truly makes them unique, what they love. That inner happiness and acceptance is far more important than hips, hair color, breasts.
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Old 02-16-2011, 05:28 PM
 
7 posts, read 19,514 times
Reputation: 19
Thank you everyone, I feel a bit better now

I think all the advice you've given me is great, so thank you, thank you, thank you
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Old 02-16-2011, 11:17 PM
 
Location: ATL suburb
1,364 posts, read 4,136,633 times
Reputation: 1580
Quote:
Originally Posted by sadandpathetic View Post
And for such a stupid reason. I'm ugly, I'm 22, and all through middle school and high school I was teased for being ugly. I was the only girl out of my group of friends to never get dates and to get picked on based on how I look, if it wasn't my face, it was my hair, if it wasn't my hair, it were my small breasts, if it weren't my breasts, it were my hips, so on and so forth. They convinced me. And in my mind, I'll never be enough, I'll never be hot or sexy or pretty, I look at myself in the mirror and sometimes I think "I look OK", but then I see a beautiful girl at the street or hell, I even see a celeb on TV and down my self esteem goes. Especially when I see girls with traits opposite to me, because they remind me that if I didn't look like this (brunette, brown eyes, small breasts, giant hips) then I wouldn't have been put through so much crap and I'd feel better about myself, at least, I wouldn't care so much about how I look and I wouldn't feel inferior all the time.

It also hasn't helped that I had a boyfriend who, although he was sweet and all, made me feel ugly sometimes with comments about other girls or things he did (like openly staring at other girls). I made the mistake of asking him if he thought I'd look better if I did certain things (like enlarging my breasts), and he said yes. It was my mistake and I regret it deeply, because now I know that even if a guy goes out with me it doesn't mean they think I look great as is.

I know it's a petty issue, but I just can't get over it. How to cope? I was thinking of celibacy and being single, but that's not enough, even though I'm single and celibate right now, I still feel bad when I see prettier women.
In addition to some clearly needed therapy, why not do a few things that will make YOU feel pretty? Why not try a great shade of lipstick? Do something nice with your hair, like a barette, or a cut and style at a salon? A great pair of boots? Heck, a sexy pair of underwear? Don't like your small breasts, wear a padded bra.

Any boyfriend who checks out other girls in front of you is not "sweet and all." I do have to be honest though, asking a boyfriend if you'd look better by doing things to change you body is a loaded question. If he said you were perfect the way you are, you probably would have thought that he was lying. If he told the truth, your feelings would have been hurt.

Stop comparing yourself to other women! There will always be someone prettier, thinner, taller, etc. I know it's easier said than done, but why focus your energy on what they have that you don't? Find something great about yourself.

I've known women who were not physically ideal, pull more dates than the bombshell, because they had great personalities and confidence. Lack of confidence oozes, and potential mates notice it.

You are probably your own worse critic. Eff those people who teased you as a teenager. Just wait until they hit 30 and see who's laughing then.
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Old 02-17-2011, 12:34 AM
 
537 posts, read 729,355 times
Reputation: 1028
Quote:
Originally Posted by sadandpathetic View Post
And for such a stupid reason. I'm ugly, I'm 22, and all through middle school and high school I was teased for being ugly. I was the only girl out of my group of friends to never get dates and to get picked on based on how I look, if it wasn't my face, it was my hair, if it wasn't my hair, it were my small breasts, if it weren't my breasts, it were my hips, so on and so forth. They convinced me. And in my mind, I'll never be enough, I'll never be hot or sexy or pretty, I look at myself in the mirror and sometimes I think "I look OK", but then I see a beautiful girl at the street or hell, I even see a celeb on TV and down my self esteem goes. Especially when I see girls with traits opposite to me, because they remind me that if I didn't look like this (brunette, brown eyes, small breasts, giant hips) then I wouldn't have been put through so much crap and I'd feel better about myself, at least, I wouldn't care so much about how I look and I wouldn't feel inferior all the time.

It also hasn't helped that I had a boyfriend who, although he was sweet and all, made me feel ugly sometimes with comments about other girls or things he did (like openly staring at other girls). I made the mistake of asking him if he thought I'd look better if I did certain things (like enlarging my breasts), and he said yes. It was my mistake and I regret it deeply, because now I know that even if a guy goes out with me it doesn't mean they think I look great as is.

I know it's a petty issue, but I just can't get over it. How to cope? I was thinking of celibacy and being single, but that's not enough, even though I'm single and celibate right now, I still feel bad when I see prettier women.
We are not here to look hot, pretty, and be possessed by our looks. If someone does not appreciate you for who you are, move on. They are not worth your time.
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Old 02-17-2011, 01:52 AM
 
Location: California
37,059 posts, read 42,023,443 times
Reputation: 34876
I never used to have that problem but now as I've gotten older I do. A couple things in particular that I can't do anything about, and a couple that I probably can, contribute to this. I feel ok, I feel like I look ok, but I avoid mirrors and photos becasue that's when I just feel horrible. I don't know if there is anything I can do about it so I'll just keep "avoiding" and get on with my life.
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Old 02-17-2011, 01:58 AM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
14,317 posts, read 22,313,619 times
Reputation: 18436
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
I never used to have that problem but now as I've gotten older I do. A couple things in particular that I can't do anything about, and a couple that I probably can, contribute to this. I feel ok, I feel like I look ok, but I avoid mirrors and photos becasue that's when I just feel horrible. I don't know if there is anything I can do about it so I'll just keep "avoiding" and get on with my life.
This is a typical California self-absorbed response. How does this help the OP? You are talking about YOU, not the OP. Are you suggesting here that YOU handle a simliar problem by "avoiding" and getting on with your life, so the OP should do same?

I don't mean to be critical, but I'm trying to understand the connection here.
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Old 02-17-2011, 02:01 AM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
14,317 posts, read 22,313,619 times
Reputation: 18436
Default I'd like to know more

Quote:
Originally Posted by sadandpathetic View Post
And for such a stupid reason. I'm ugly, I'm 22, and all through middle school and high school I was teased for being ugly. I was the only girl out of my group of friends to never get dates and to get picked on based on how I look, if it wasn't my face, it was my hair, if it wasn't my hair, it were my small breasts, if it weren't my breasts, it were my hips, so on and so forth. They convinced me. And in my mind, I'll never be enough, I'll never be hot or sexy or pretty, I look at myself in the mirror and sometimes I think "I look OK", but then I see a beautiful girl at the street or hell, I even see a celeb on TV and down my self esteem goes. Especially when I see girls with traits opposite to me, because they remind me that if I didn't look like this (brunette, brown eyes, small breasts, giant hips) then I wouldn't have been put through so much crap and I'd feel better about myself, at least, I wouldn't care so much about how I look and I wouldn't feel inferior all the time.

It also hasn't helped that I had a boyfriend who, although he was sweet and all, made me feel ugly sometimes with comments about other girls or things he did (like openly staring at other girls). I made the mistake of asking him if he thought I'd look better if I did certain things (like enlarging my breasts), and he said yes. It was my mistake and I regret it deeply, because now I know that even if a guy goes out with me it doesn't mean they think I look great as is.

I know it's a petty issue, but I just can't get over it. How to cope? I was thinking of celibacy and being single, but that's not enough, even though I'm single and celibate right now, I still feel bad when I see prettier women.
What did your parents look like, and how did they treat you? Did they treat you as though you were ugly? What role do you feel your parents and your family had in how you feel?
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Old 02-17-2011, 04:21 AM
 
Location: Florida
23,155 posts, read 26,081,154 times
Reputation: 27892
Your concern is hard to change quickly but in the meantime do this.
Look at the couples you encounter everyday....or even just the women with children.
You'll see more much less than perfect women who have boyfriends/mates than not.
Remind yourself that if they found somebody so can/will you.
And a good old saying is....."If you don't even like yourself, why do you think anybody else will?"
Without a doubt you have some admirable and attractive features/traits/behaviors..
Another good old saying is...."If you've got it, flaunt it"
(Can you tell I like old adages?
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Old 02-17-2011, 05:10 AM
 
Location: Back in MADISON Wi thank God!
1,047 posts, read 3,980,252 times
Reputation: 1419
there are plenty of beautiful women that are completely self absorbed and dumb as rocks, and plenty of average women that are bright, lively, friendly, humorous ,fit, happy, refreshing. Most people will choose to be around the latter. Make yourself into that person. Do what you can to look attractive, that's the easy part. But work on the inner stuff that will make you draw people to you. Case in point... I was at a gathering a few weeks ago with my husband. We met two women that were friends. Both of them were of average looks. One was somewhat dull, uninteresting and did not speak intelligently. The other one was so lively and bubbly that she made herself very attractive. Looks fade and diminish over time. A great personality does not.
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Old 02-17-2011, 05:31 AM
 
Location: New Albany, IN
157 posts, read 474,124 times
Reputation: 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by sadandpathetic View Post
And for such a stupid reason. I'm ugly, I'm 22, and all through middle school and high school I was teased for being ugly. I was the only girl out of my group of friends to never get dates and to get picked on based on how I look, if it wasn't my face, it was my hair, if it wasn't my hair, it were my small breasts, if it weren't my breasts, it were my hips, so on and so forth. They convinced me. And in my mind, I'll never be enough, I'll never be hot or sexy or pretty, I look at myself in the mirror and sometimes I think "I look OK", but then I see a beautiful girl at the street or hell, I even see a celeb on TV and down my self esteem goes. Especially when I see girls with traits opposite to me, because they remind me that if I didn't look like this (brunette, brown eyes, small breasts, giant hips) then I wouldn't have been put through so much crap and I'd feel better about myself, at least, I wouldn't care so much about how I look and I wouldn't feel inferior all the time.

It also hasn't helped that I had a boyfriend who, although he was sweet and all, made me feel ugly sometimes with comments about other girls or things he did (like openly staring at other girls). I made the mistake of asking him if he thought I'd look better if I did certain things (like enlarging my breasts), and he said yes. It was my mistake and I regret it deeply, because now I know that even if a guy goes out with me it doesn't mean they think I look great as is.

I know it's a petty issue, but I just can't get over it. How to cope? I was thinking of celibacy and being single, but that's not enough, even though I'm single and celibate right now, I still feel bad when I see prettier women.
My advice: stay single and celibate until you meet a really, REALLY good guy who A. you are interested in or B. is interested in you. You said you have friends--hang out with them. If some of them are the kind of friends who play on your insecurities and intentially do things to make you feel bad (a.k.a. toxic people), then they aren't your friends and stop seeing them. This might be difficult, but try not to let your insecurities be too obvious; don't make it a habit of putting yourself down outloud or saying negative things about your appearance. The more you say it, the more you'll think it, AND there are some guys who like to seek out insecure young women to abuse them and use them to make themselves (the guys' selves) feel superior (not nice to think about but it happens).

Remember that we ALL have insecurities about our appearances in some way or another (yes, even hot celebrities and models, and yes, even the people who say they don't have any insecurites).

AND...are the "prettier women" the only ones with boyfriends? It may seem true, but it's not. You've seen ugly women with boyfriends, surely. Also think about what makes ugly women that way and what makes pretty women that way. How do YOU decide who is pretty and ugly? Do you apply the same standards to others as for yourself?

P.S. At 22, your world is bigger, MUCH bigger, than what it was in school when you were being made a laughing stock based on your appearance. The people "out in the world" probably don't have the same opinions as your classmates did.
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