Have no idea what's wrong 'up there' (quit, psychiatrist, pill)

[h0tmess]

I've always been someone who has been "on edge" all of my life.. lol.. always seem uncomfortable, always seem a bit too alert with things.. just "on edge". However, for as long as I can remember I've always been FAIRLY a social butterfly. Can't say I had tons of friends, but I was mostly liked growing up in grade school and high school. I was the "Crazy friend" who would always get in trouble --doing stupid things, nothing bad or dangerous. I was the "crazy friend" who would say the most insane things at inappropriate times. Basically, for the longest time people have always referred to me as a fun and funny guy. This is nice! As I got older, I would go to the whole "bar and drinks" thing we are apparently to do according to society's rules.. lol..and I had what I thought was a lot of fun. Drinks, dancing, whatever. It was all good fun.

The last few years.. have not been so fun! I started to "hate" damn near everything. I go on Facebook and people's status' drive me INSANE. People just.. seem so "sheepish". They post things other people want to hear (well, see). Everyone can't wait to post about "GOING OUT FOR DRINKZ!!" or post about a popular TV show "GLEE COMES ON IN 30 MINS". It just seems so.. annoying. It's something I don't get, and really have a hard time understanding why people do this --and yet, why do I allow this to bother me?!

Last year I went to the doctor's due to having bronchitis, and the doctor checked my heart I guess as procedure. She noticed my heart was racing, and I just explained.. ohh I'm always nervous or something and laughed. She didn't. She was concerned. We talked more I told her that "yeah every now and then I start to get overwhelmed by people and want to be left alone..and just have a meltdown lol". She prescribed me lexapro and klonopin. The lexapro was cool, but I felt like.. I wasn't being ME. I wasn't being what I explained in the first paragraph! So I stopped. I do have the klonopins and I will take one if I have that sudden urge to have a meltdown.. lol

Now, the last few years I feel like I have "social anxiety disorder"... but here's the catch!! It only seems to happen in work places!?! I can go to the mall -- be fine. I can go to a casino -- I'm fine! My favorite vacation spot is VEGAS and that's always crowded! So, what's my deal?

The reason I post this was because today was .. insane. I was at work, and I had to put a spiral on a fat spiral bound book. Was frustrating as hell, but whatever!..I start to get hot, and feel a little sweaty. Heart started to race...and before I knew it I started to GUSH SWEAT. OMG. I felt like my head was a faucet. I got so overheated, I was sweating SO hard... I had to put the book down.. and go into the bathroom and "catch a breather". Deep breathes, washed my face.. relaxed a bit..and went back and fixed it.

I never had a "meltdown" like that. My "meltdowns" usually include me getting a little sweaty, heart racy and just "discomfort" and possible "annoyed/angry with people".

Clearly if this happens again I will take this up with a doctor. This thread isn't about that one incident.. I'm just curious as to what others think may be wrong "up there" with me. How did I go from pretty chill, laid back funny guy... to just, some "nutcase" who is always angry with social norms, society, people, who doesn't joke around as much as I used to

Please ask any questions if you feel like I need to add more info! I applaud you for reading this!!

[h0tmess]

I want to add something (not sure if someone is responding right now as I type, so I apologize if it turns out to be a double post).

I HATE, HATE to admit this.. but I want to explain what my behavior is like at work: I talk, if spoken to. I AM polite and I WILL engage in conversation if someone starts it. I do START conversations with people when I'm feeling up for it.. but what really gets me (Gosh I am so ashamed of this).. sometimes (actually, a lot) I don't even want to look at someone --and I don't even want them looking at me. If I see someone coming my way if I am walking somewhere, I'll quickly change direction, go to the bathroom.. basically "HIDE" from people to avoid speaking to them.. or just having them look at me. (SHAME, lol)

I just wanted to add that. Thanks again for reading!

[DaniellaG]

Have you experienced this in past jobs? How long have you been at this one? Is it a job you enjoy or is stressful? Anything specific happen at this job that could of triggered this? I know a lot of questions for you but just to get more info.
Have you thought of going back to see a psychiatrist. The right meds can help. I also don't think klonopin is as needed med so please be careful. You stated you don't even face co workers and are ashamed. What are you ashamed of? Can you start slowly by looking someone in the eye or even saying hello? The more one isolates themselves in doing things like that the harder it becomes to do.

[geebabe]

In the last five years or so I have gotten so sick of, well, just about everything. I don't think drugs are the answer for a lot of people and I think too many people are on too many prescriptions. As you said (OP), the one pill made you not feel like you. Anyway, I don't really want to debate drugs because it is a personal decision.
I want to say that the older I get (54) the more incapable I am of tolerating society's bs. You mentioned facebook - good place to start. I used to have a fb page but with less than 20 friends. A couple months ago I thought "why the heck am I wasting my time on fb?". The people I am truly friends with I keep in contact with; otherwise I don't care what they made for dinner! So, I am happy to say I officially closed my fb page!
I recently quit drinking my morning coffee which I never thought I'd do, but I was sick of that 30 yr habit. I don't enjoy the occasional beer or wine anymore. I no longer like TV and am about to shut off the cable. I hate hearing strangers talk about their medical problems while I am just trying to do my grocery shopping. Yikes, right?!
As for your job I can relate to that in a way, because I have almost always disliked my jobs. The only ones I liked were when I got to work by myself. I need one of those again.
I can go on and on but I just wanted to let you know that there are more of us out here and I don't necessarily think we need mental help (as long as we do no harm to others, that is). What works best for me is to be by myself, be in nature, or when I am lucky enough, go to a quiet art museum and just ponder.
Your title - "have no idea what's wrong 'up there'" made me think about how society always wants to tell us how we should be and I am tired of it.
Best wishes.

[h0tmess]

Originally Posted by DaniellaG

Have you experienced this in past jobs? How long have you been at this one? Is it a job you enjoy or is stressful? Anything specific happen at this job that could of triggered this? I know a lot of questions for you but just to get more info.
Have you thought of going back to see a psychiatrist. The right meds can help. I also don't think klonopin is as needed med so please be careful. You stated you don't even face co workers and are ashamed. What are you ashamed of? Can you start slowly by looking someone in the eye or even saying hello? The more one isolates themselves in doing things like that the harder it becomes to do.

This has happened at jobs before. It has just gotten a bit worse over the years. I've been at this one for 6 weeks after being unemployed for ~7 months. It's not really enjoyable nor is it a stressful job -- boring is the word. Boring yet stable. I only work with a handful of people and I really have NOTHING in common with any of them, so I really don't talk to anyone.
When my doc prescribed me klonopin, she told me to use if "if things get bad", but she also told me this isn't something I should take EVERYday and if I find I am using it everyday.. Stop taking it and come back and speak. Well I have to admit I don't use it everyday, I don't even use it often.. I only use it for those times where "handling" the situation is just TOO rough.

I just have this 'embarrassed' feeling when I run into people at work. Now I work in an office of a really large law firm -- the people who I speak of aren't co-workers, they are just other workers of the firm (I work for a company that was hired by the firm). So I don't really know anyone and we work for 7 floors in the building. So there's a lot of people that I may walk by and they simply just smile and nod their head.. and I just feel weird and ashamed? I don't get it either!! I have said hello to people on 'good' days and have looked people in the eyes. Also have had small conversation with them, too!

Originally Posted by geebabe

In the last five years or so I have gotten so sick of, well, just about everything. I don't think drugs are the answer for a lot of people and I think too many people are on too many prescriptions. As you said (OP), the one pill made you not feel like you. Anyway, I don't really want to debate drugs because it is a personal decision.
I want to say that the older I get (54) the more incapable I am of tolerating society's bs. You mentioned facebook - good place to start. I used to have a fb page but with less than 20 friends. A couple months ago I thought "why the heck am I wasting my time on fb?". The people I am truly friends with I keep in contact with; otherwise I don't care what they made for dinner! So, I am happy to say I officially closed my fb page!
I recently quit drinking my morning coffee which I never thought I'd do, but I was sick of that 30 yr habit. I don't enjoy the occasional beer or wine anymore. I no longer like TV and am about to shut off the cable. I hate hearing strangers talk about their medical problems while I am just trying to do my grocery shopping. Yikes, right?!
As for your job I can relate to that in a way, because I have almost always disliked my jobs. The only ones I liked were when I got to work by myself. I need one of those again.
I can go on and on but I just wanted to let you know that there are more of us out here and I don't necessarily think we need mental help (as long as we do no harm to others, that is). What works best for me is to be by myself, be in nature, or when I am lucky enough, go to a quiet art museum and just ponder.
Your title - "have no idea what's wrong 'up there'" made me think about how society always wants to tell us how we should be and I am tired of it.
Best wishes.

Ah, so glad someone else is sick of society.. lmao!! I love facebook for what it is. It's nice to see what my former classmates, co-workers, and friends who I grew up with are up to. But all of them as a whole.. are maddening with their updates. I almost want to get rid of it, but I kinda feel as if I'll be missing out. Maybe this is a generation difference between the 2 of us; You said you were 54, I am 26. Facebook is very much the "THING" and in a way getting rid of it for me is like 'social suicide'. ...and I don't know why I say that because I don't even USE it to meet up with people!! Anyone who I want to talk to .. I already have their phone number!

As for drugs, I agree so much with you. I don't need them. I have asthma and I know I need drugs to help keep me breathing, but I don't feel like I need them for my brain. Part of me feels like this is just me.. I'm just a bit goofy, but my views (according to society) are just wrong. Arghh!

I just gotta keep taking it one day at a time I suppose and see what happens.
This weekend has been great. Relaxed, did have some fun .. but with the day coming closer to an end and work getting closer.. my mood is getting to me. I just feel like I'm being a whiny brat who just doesn't want to go to work.. and that's DEF part of it!!--- I'm just soo sick of looking at people, talking to people, listening to their cliche sentences that they make to each other. Ugh..then I feel bad for going out into the world and getting sick of listening to others talk.

::shrugs::

[jackinyc]

Hi- Like you said take one day at a time- I agree, you need the meds for your asthma - I think dr's prescribe way too many drugs if we do not feel happy all the time and such- You sound like you are working yourself up with the anxiety and you're stressing being hard on yourself, you might just be going thru a funk at 26. Loosen up try not to analyze too much and accept that sometimes your just in no mood for bs- but remember to loosen up and let yourself have some enjoyment!
Good luck

[progmac]

Originally Posted by jackinyc

I agree, you need the meds for your asthma - I think dr's prescribe way too many drugs if we do not feel happy all the time and such-

Imagine if you had a heart attack and got treated but then told me about it and i said, nah you're fine; in fact i think that doctors prescribe way to many drugs if we don't feel like running a mile at the drop of a hat.