Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness > Mental Health
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 03-23-2011, 03:26 PM
 
3,770 posts, read 6,719,150 times
Reputation: 3019

Advertisements

I'm new to these issues, so I'm looking for advice. My father seemed fairly normal in his 30s, 40s and 50, but he is in his 60s now and has several isssues. One is health problems, but this is about his mental and alcohol problems. In the last couple years he became depressed and started to drink. He went to rehab and has been on and off the wagon, never fully recovering. He has cognitive diffuclties and on top of that starting to show signs of schitizophrnia. This has all been confirmed by doctors and phychologist. He has been in a mental health hospital a couple times and was on the verge of being committed involitarily. He now lives at home alone, but we are looking into a home for him, because he isn't doing well at home.

Anyway, my question is about a new friend he met from AA a few months ago. This guy is a little younger than him and is living totally off government assistance of some sort. He hasn't has a job in several years. He is visiting my father and borrowing his second car frequently, my father gives him cash here and there, he asks my father to buy him cigarettes and food, asks to do odd jobs and gets paid a lot more than a professional would, complains that mjy father didn't put enough gas in the car, and now is asking my father to give him a car. There are so many things that it isn't just an isolated incident. Is this elder abuse and what can I do to keep this guy from taking advantage of my father?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-23-2011, 06:28 PM
 
3,071 posts, read 9,107,847 times
Reputation: 1659
Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
I'm new to these issues, so I'm looking for advice. My father seemed fairly normal in his 30s, 40s and 50, but he is in his 60s now and has several isssues. One is health problems, but this is about his mental and alcohol problems. In the last couple years he became depressed and started to drink. He went to rehab and has been on and off the wagon, never fully recovering. He has cognitive diffuclties and on top of that starting to show signs of schitizophrnia. This has all been confirmed by doctors and phychologist. He has been in a mental health hospital a couple times and was on the verge of being committed involitarily. He now lives at home alone, but we are looking into a home for him, because he isn't doing well at home.

Anyway, my question is about a new friend he met from AA a few months ago. This guy is a little younger than him and is living totally off government assistance of some sort. He hasn't has a job in several years. He is visiting my father and borrowing his second car frequently, my father gives him cash here and there, he asks my father to buy him cigarettes and food, asks to do odd jobs and gets paid a lot more than a professional would, complains that mjy father didn't put enough gas in the car, and now is asking my father to give him a car. There are so many things that it isn't just an isolated incident. Is this elder abuse and what can I do to keep this guy from taking advantage of my father?
You need to convince your Dad that you have his best interest in heart and get power of attorney to safeguard the real assets he has. This leech is looking for ways to go directly to the gold and you need to be a legal obstacle to him. Your Dad should not have any credit cards or check books where this locus can get to them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2011, 06:38 PM
 
3,770 posts, read 6,719,150 times
Reputation: 3019
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nativechief View Post
You need to convince your Dad that you have his best interest in heart and get power of attorney to safeguard the real assets he has. This leech is looking for ways to go directly to the gold and you need to be a legal obstacle to him. Your Dad should not have any credit cards or check books where this locus can get to them.
My father has him stay at his house for a few days at a time. He leaves things like checkbooks out. I talked to my dad and brother about this. My father knows that the guy is like that, but he is a pushover. He has always been that way a little bit, but this is extreeme, because there are several examples of this guy gettng a few bucks here and there, taking the car, etc. And the guy complains that it isn't enough. My brother has power of attourney ( i think) I'm not sure what powers that gives him, but my father has been fairly free to do as he pleases and my brother, doctors, psychologist are watching and deciding what to do next. Hopefully he will go back to the hospital soon and then go into a retirement home after that, before something really bad happens. I was wondering if what this guy is doing is illegal. If you are taking a big gift such as a car from an elderly person, knowing that he has mental, emotional, cognitive and health issues, then is that illegal?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-25-2011, 01:21 PM
 
Location: Kansas
25,719 posts, read 21,880,574 times
Reputation: 26321
We have Adult Protective Services in our State which is part of the social services department. Do you have something like that in your state? You should be able to the state website and get some info or try calling them to see what the options are. We put through guardianship papers for our adult son with developmental disabilities since he was unable to manage money. These are days where so many people use "friendship" to use those that are desperate for companionship.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-30-2011, 10:22 AM
 
16,579 posts, read 20,639,746 times
Reputation: 26860
I don't think what the guy is doing is illegal, if your father has not been declared incompetent and is giving his permission to stay at his house and use the car. However, if the guy wrecks the car and/or hurts someone, your dad could be liable for some sort of negligent entrustment of the car. If your dad doesn't drive, you could consider moving the car to someone else's house for now, or selling it if your dad isn't opposed.

If your dad is cooperative, you or your brother can get on your dad's bank account as a co-signer and keep his check book for him. That means that you'll have to start paying his bills for him and give him small bits of cash for his day-to-day expenses. Make sure that he does not have a check card laying around the house and keep his personal information at your house.

You can talk to the guy and ask him to stay away. No need to be confrontational, just say the family members are not comfortable with it. It may not do any good, but at least the guy knows he is being watched. Drop in frequently and unexpectedly and make it clear that you intend to look out for your father's best interests.

Good luck with this situation. I've been there and done that and it's never easy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-31-2011, 05:05 PM
 
5,238 posts, read 7,963,021 times
Reputation: 11402
Excellent advice given here. I would also try to get his full name and do some checking on his past. That can be done pretty cheaply these days, and I think it would be well worth it. Maybe this guy has a history of fraud, or has done the same thing to others in the past. I'd want to know all about him if he was hanging around like he is. Good luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2011, 02:14 PM
 
16,956 posts, read 16,693,312 times
Reputation: 10408
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
I don't think what the guy is doing is illegal, if your father has not been declared incompetent and is giving his permission to stay at his house and use the car. However, if the guy wrecks the car and/or hurts someone, your dad could be liable for some sort of negligent entrustment of the car. If your dad doesn't drive, you could consider moving the car to someone else's house for now, or selling it if your dad isn't opposed.

If your dad is cooperative, you or your brother can get on your dad's bank account as a co-signer and keep his check book for him. That means that you'll have to start paying his bills for him and give him small bits of cash for his day-to-day expenses. Make sure that he does not have a check card laying around the house and keep his personal information at your house.

You can talk to the guy and ask him to stay away. No need to be confrontational, just say the family members are not comfortable with it. It may not do any good, but at least the guy knows he is being watched. Drop in frequently and unexpectedly and make it clear that you intend to look out for your father's best interests.

Good luck with this situation. I've been there and done that and it's never easy.
I doubt the user-loser-boozer younger guy is going to disappear anytime SOON.

Your dad is his Gravy Train and he will drain him dry without some supervision.

I hope that the younger guy has not take any life insurance policies out on your dad, or got your dad to sign a Will, or ran up extra credit cards your dad did not authorize. .

If your dad is not of sound mind and presence, this LEECH can cause havoc in your fathers retirement years.

I would if you can, get a protective order to keep the leech-user away from your dad.

I would see if a Senior Advocate can be ordered by the State to protect your soft hearted dads interests..

It is NO MISTAKE that this Leech befriended your dad....He likely started out slow with cigarettes and pocket change but is NOW demanding a car,.

The Leech has no conscience and should NOT be left alone with your father.

Too many 6 o clock news stories of seniors disappearing and some low life came into his life and suddenly nobody knows where the dad is anymore...

Beware

This will get ugly before it gets better.

Protect your dad.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2011, 06:23 PM
 
Location: Maryland, USA
152 posts, read 216,050 times
Reputation: 295
I liked Marlow's post and advice about directly telling the guy to stay away .... but I think I'd be a little more firm about it, considering he's trying to get your Dad to give him a car.

That's pretty cut and dry. You need to act quickly ... and circle the wagons to protect your Dad.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2011, 06:41 PM
 
3,573 posts, read 6,462,244 times
Reputation: 3482
Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
I'm new to these issues, so I'm looking for advice. My father seemed fairly normal in his 30s, 40s and 50, but he is in his 60s now and has several isssues. One is health problems, but this is about his mental and alcohol problems. In the last couple years he became depressed and started to drink. He went to rehab and has been on and off the wagon, never fully recovering. He has cognitive diffuclties and on top of that starting to show signs of schitizophrnia. This has all been confirmed by doctors and phychologist. He has been in a mental health hospital a couple times and was on the verge of being committed involitarily. He now lives at home alone, but we are looking into a home for him, because he isn't doing well at home.

Anyway, my question is about a new friend he met from AA a few months ago. This guy is a little younger than him and is living totally off government assistance of some sort. He hasn't has a job in several years. He is visiting my father and borrowing his second car frequently, my father gives him cash here and there, he asks my father to buy him cigarettes and food, asks to do odd jobs and gets paid a lot more than a professional would, complains that mjy father didn't put enough gas in the car, and now is asking my father to give him a car. There are so many things that it isn't just an isolated incident. Is this elder abuse and what can I do to keep this guy from taking advantage of my father?
Didn't you have a post a couple of months ago about your father being taken advantage of by a women that wanted to move into his house? This person above sounds like he's using your father too. Somehow your father is attracting these deadbeats. Are these people in the neighborhood that know his mental state and taking advantage of him or is he going to a mental health facility to get his meds and finding them there? Either way, you need to start protecting your father and his assets. You might have to go to court and become his legal guardian.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness > Mental Health

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 12:48 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top