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Old 04-06-2011, 12:12 PM
 
Location: Durham, NC
3,576 posts, read 10,622,421 times
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I went to bed last night, alone once again for more times than I can count, tossed and turned for a while, then got up. I can't remember the last time I had much more than just a few hours of sleep. I'm reaching the point now where I don't even feel much like eating anymore. First, the loss of the marriage, then giving up every asset and every possession, then, just as I start to put things back together, the loss of my job. After six months I'm losing hope that I'll ever work again. Of course, without much income, I gave up my health benefits, and consequently my counseling, and the one thing I looked forward to every week, my guitar lessons. Now, there's nothing to do, nowhere to go, and it's driving me nuts. How many times can I hope and dream of a better life only to have those dreams destroyed?
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Old 04-08-2011, 06:28 AM
 
Location: So Ca
26,636 posts, read 26,559,630 times
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Do you have any close family members who could lend you the money for the guitar lessons? With as much going on as you mention, it's important to remain engaged in a few things you like doing. You need social support. Do you like to read? Does your library have a book group? Also, some cities have free or low fee programs for adults. What about walking at the park? Exercise can help stave off depression. Good luck too you.
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Old 04-08-2011, 07:53 AM
 
Location: ...
3,925 posts, read 2,557,508 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by superk View Post
I went to bed last night, alone once again for more times than I can count, tossed and turned for a while, then got up. I can't remember the last time I had much more than just a few hours of sleep. I'm reaching the point now where I don't even feel much like eating anymore. First, the loss of the marriage, then giving up every asset and every possession, then, just as I start to put things back together, the loss of my job. After six months I'm losing hope that I'll ever work again. Of course, without much income, I gave up my health benefits, and consequently my counseling, and the one thing I looked forward to every week, my guitar lessons. Now, there's nothing to do, nowhere to go, and it's driving me nuts. How many times can I hope and dream of a better life only to have those dreams destroyed?

I am so sorry you're facing such hard times. I have been there too and it s**** Pardon my french. I am unemployed and it is so stressful.

I have just started at a mental health clinic. It is a sliding scale, community clinic. They actually had me apply to a program that provides me counseling for free (if I had income it might have a small fee.) Check with your county health dept. They may know a low-fee clinic or program you would qualify for.

I know it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when it is so dark. Remember though- we can't know what is around the corner. Don't give up- continue to persevere. I know it is hard, I wish I had wise words but know you're not alone in your struggle.
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Old 04-18-2011, 12:20 AM
 
977 posts, read 1,106,593 times
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Hi, Kevin, I have had a life-long battle with depression and know it's so hard to deal with. Plus it does sound as if you've had one bad thing after the other happen to you, and that can be overwhelming and very discouraging.
I moved across country a year ago to start over after a painful divorce. Live alone (now have wonderful little dog) and knew no one. Not something I'd recommend, BTW, when a person is already down. There have been many times I've just sat and cried.

There have been a few things that have helped........first is my faith. I believe in God. I believe in a God that cares about us all, so have been able to call out to him for help. (don't mean to be preachy---just sharing what has helped me cope). There's been many times that I've wondered where God has been in all this, have been angry with God, etc. But just having that relationship has helped so much.

Friends have supported me. I am so lucky to have some dear, dear friends back "home" and to have made some here. I have to force myself to reach out sometimes, but I've been so fortunate to have met some women I can feel close to, even tho' they haven't gone thru a similar experience. It's important to continue contact with your friends, to keep trying to make new ones. I'm not sure, but I think us women have you guys beat in that matter, because women just naturally confide in each other and share emotional support better than many men. (????)

You must not give up on yourself. Please don't say negative things about yourself in your mind, such as "I'm such a loser" or "I'll never get another job" or "No one would want someone like me", etc., etc. Think about this: you wouldn't say things like that to anyone you cared about, would you? Don't allow yourself to think that way. It takes a lot of effort to stop negative thoughts, especially if they're habitual. I know. It took me a long time to get enough control to do so. But now, when I start to think that way, I tell myself "no! That's not true" or just "stop".

To go along with that, try to think encouraging thoughts, like"I don't know how this will turn out, but I'm going to make it". Smile. Probably the last thing you feel like doing....but when we smile, something happens inside that is positive.

I'm sure you've heard this before, but take it a day at a time. When I've been so discouraged about my situation, it sometimes helped me to focus only on getting thru just that day, not even thinking about tommorrow or next week or next year.

Recognize anything positive you can. Is the sun shining? Think " well, at least it's a pretty day. Doesn't that breeze feel great" (I also thank God, but if you don't believe, that's fine). Think "there's a good show on tv tonight. I'll look forward to that." And please recognize any and all accomplishments you've done. I told my friend "hey--I cleaned the bathroom today" She kinda chuckled and said "well, that's nice....???" I told her I'd wanted to do that for weeks, and finally managed to actually do it, so it WAS a big deal for me! There were times when it was a major accomplishment to take a shower and change clothes, because what did it matter if I didn't---who cared.......but I felt so much better to realize that I had enough self respect to care.

Finally, reward yourself. Make it thru the day without crying or yelling? Great---allow yourself that ice cream bar, that micro brew, whatever. For me it's anything from chocolate to taking time to read a novel to going to the dollar store or even buying a new (not thrift store) pc. of clothing!!! have you ever noticed the L'Oreal commercials on tv? The catch-phrase is "because I'm worth it"!!!!!

Sorry to be so long (almost said "such a windbag" but caught myself---too negative) really just hope to encourage you and let you know others go thru it and make it. God bless. hang in there.

Last edited by artangel; 04-18-2011 at 12:23 AM.. Reason: punctuation/clarity
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