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I'm just now seeing all these replies, so thanks everyone. Todd, I am waiting to hear about a phone interview in Portland, which should happen this week. In the meantime, calling in sick to go to an interview 90 miles away on Thursday. Also, have an interview sometime next week (still needs to be scheduled). The issue is I'm interviewing for a career I've grown to hate and feel I have no alternatives. But any job is better than the one I have now, thats for sure. So I stick it out I guess.
Lucknow, I have tried meditation and just need to be more consistent with it. My favorite is Jon Kibat- Zin (I think thats the spelling). Anyway, he's good, as is Wayne Dyer, "Getting in the Gap". I just am not consistent because I need to shut my brain off but always have an excuse for "doing" something else.
KingstonBob, I took Salsa lessons recently. Sort of gave them up, or lost enthusiasm after I took this job, which is draining the life out of me. The instructor wants me back as she says she needs more men. Maybe when I get a new job and can feel better about myself, I'll go. I know, thats a catch 22. I just have no motivation to do anything, in large part due to this job (along with missing my ex-wife and feeling very alone). But I'll keep that in mind. I actually did the lesson and party thing on a Saturday night a couple months ago. It was ok, but I was a little scared to really dance, as I am not good at leading with Salsa yet.
Donie, I know my attitude stinks and people see it because I wear my emotions. I hate that I am not a good actor. I need to practice the "Be-Do-Have" way. In other words act as if I'm happy and maybe things will change. Unhappiness seems so ingrained in me right now that I haven't been able to do that. Sad when unhappiness feels like your natural state. I hate that. I want to be happy and at peace. I've even stopped dreaming big anymore. Now I just want to do something I enjoy and meet someone I can spend my life with. But maybe that is dreaming big and maybe it won't happen. I used to dream of being rich and having all this "stuff" and being successful. I don't anymore. I just want to be comfortable and have a woman I love in my life. Thats it.
Ino, there's a lot of wisdom in what you said as well. Good points.
Thanks for your support guys, I really appreciate it at a time when I feel I have no support.
We all have our ups and downs in life. I have been married and divorced twice and I loved being married both times. I use to wonder what was wrong with me, but the problem wasn't me, I just didn't find the right person who wanted to spend the rest of their life with me. I am divorced. I have my health, and my family and friends, but most of all, I have Jesus in my life. People might let you down,but Christ will never let you down. Keep up the faith. I hope this helps you in some way.
Had I known my life would be like this, I likely would have ended it long ago. I'm educated, yet I have no career. I'm loyal and committed and wanted a family, yet my wife divorced me. Now I'm 42 and alone. I absolutely hate my life. This isn't anything like I hoped and dreamed. I feel like I've ruined it and its too late. I have nothing to look forward to and nothing going for me. The only time I'm actually happy is when I'm sleeping. This absolutely sucks. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I know I can't keep living like this. This isn't a life, I'm just existing.
Lots of people suffer depression after having some disappointments in life. One thing that will really help you is to get some good, regular exercise. Exercising releases natural endorphins (feel good hormones), which will lift your mood naturally. Another thing you can do is try tanning in a tanning salon. This too, releases both serotonin and L-dopa which are feel good chemicals too.
You have to realize that the world is absolutely full of potential you need to sit down and put together a plan for yourself. Establish some personal goals and begin working toward them. Your educated, yet have no career? You might consider going back to school for something different.
Everyone has interests that they are often too busy to pursue. But your depression might be preventing you from getting excited about them. Do you have a special hobby or activity that you have always LOVED? This is your big chance to pursue your interests. Have you always wanted to write the great American novel? Or maybe build a boat from scratch? How about learning to cook Chinese food or take up photography?
The world is your oyster, my friend. You have a wonderful, full life ahead of you, if you want it. But you have to recognize that right now you are suffering from a NATURAL depression. You might consider taking some B Vitamin supplements which is VERY important to attain a healthy outlook. There are also herbs such as St. Johns Wort and others that are specifically targeted at making a person feel better.
If you have a naturopathic practitioner, or even an herbalist in your town, I would consider scheduling a consultation. A happy life awaits. You must simply claim it.
Well glad to see you are still trying. The job situation is tight for people these days, you might not like the field you are in, grown tired of it, but maybe a new job, and a fresh place could change the outlook. I think moving would help you, I realize you have a house, but a fresh start does help. I know my problem has been that I couldnt leave my location, so the same roads traveled are now hard since I've been alone. Brand new place, no built in memory links that make you automatically think of when you were with her. Though you are feeling depressed you are trying, and getting interviews is tough with so many applicants, so consider yourself fortunate and try and present a strong positive attitude. Ok, its a front, but thats how people have to play it sometimes.
You will be rich if you find the right woman, the mega material stuff is a crock. Being comfortable so you dont have to worry how you're gonna eat and pay the bills, I understand that one. If I had a lot of money I'd give most of it away to help strays animals, thats the only reason I really wish I had a lot.
Anyway, Good luck on the job interviews.
Have you tried CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)? If it is a lasting depression you have probably gotten into some bad thinking habits and could use some help re-training yourself toward more productive and positive thinking.
Altguy39, lots of good advice offered don't think I could add much more. I too, as many of us have, have been there. What has touched me the most & I hope you see this as well, is all the caring responses from complete strangers. So the next time you're having trouble trying to think positive, or trouble just being able to get out of bed to face the next "task" think of all the responses you recieved from all who obviously care about YOU. Many blessings to you all!
Wow..I saw your profile and you are a handsome gentleman. You are not ready to met anyone yet. You still harbor too much hurt. Have you tried counseling? God has you here for purpose and reason. I can relate to a degree to how you are feeling, it sure isnt pleasant. But I pray that the horizon gets brighter for you. You are only 42, you are still young. I know that the divorce was painful but look inside of yourself and see what makes you happy. What is your passion? Go from there my friend...
Chica, thanks for the compliment! I have tried everything, including but not limited to counseling, divorce support groups (2 different ones), anti-depressants, meditation, affirmations, books on communication so I never repeat these mistakes, church, and so on. I mean, with all the work I've done on myself since the ex-wife left, you'd think I'd feel better about myself. But I actually feel worse and miss her more than ever. The career mess exacerbates it. I have no support system at home. I'm alone. I wasn't a good husband and I'm paying the price for that now in loneliness and regret. Anyway, I don't know what I'm passionate about anymore and thats a huge issue as well. I'm in the wrong career and don't know what the right one would be.
Donde, I have sort of tried CBT, but it hasn't been all that effective. Maybe its because I'm not working at it enough and accept the same old thoughts as truth. Thats probably it. But the therapist that I saw who practiced it wasn't all that good at it. Maybe worth looking into again.
I am sorry to see you are still in a flux.
You just have to become comfortable with yourself, then you will be able to forgive yourself.
Keep talking CD folks have great ears.
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39
Had I known my life would be like this, I likely would have ended it long ago. I'm educated, yet I have no career. I'm loyal and committed and wanted a family, yet my wife divorced me. Now I'm 42 and alone. I absolutely hate my life. This isn't anything like I hoped and dreamed. I feel like I've ruined it and its too late. I have nothing to look forward to and nothing going for me. The only time I'm actually happy is when I'm sleeping. This absolutely sucks. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I know I can't keep living like this. This isn't a life, I'm just existing.
An educated, single guy in his forties in ATL always has something to live for.
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Take it to the lord in prayer
