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Damn... Atlguy..... I hope things are looking up for you....
I really really really hate it when people try and give me pep talks... I won't bother with such for you.....
Just get some perspective about things..... I know it's hard when you're wallowing in the muck.. trust me.... I get it... I really do...
Stand back.... see the man with no feet and then think about your ill fitting shoes.
Sorry.. I know that was verging close to a pep talk.......
Thanks Chowhound, I hadn't seen this post from you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by todd00
They must be, he hasn't been on here for a long while. He did get a job.`
Yes, I did get a job. Had to move halfway across the country for it. I'm living in a city that is really bad for dating. Took me a year, but found someone to date. It has potential, but not sure it will work out long term. Still, I feel the need to do everything possible to make it work because it may be my last shot at a family. Things are much better, but I still beat myself up for past relationship and career mistakes. I just feel like I'm 10-15 years behind and getting old. It worries me daily.
Well, update! Everything can change, just like that! I have been offerred a new job, in a new place. All positive. So, I am going to make this happen. I hate my current job, and where I live, I think that this change will make a huge difference.
So, don't feel stuck, you do have the power to create change in your life. Yes, it has taken two years to get another job..but at least it gave me hope that something could change.
We may not be able to control a lot of things in our lives, but control what you can change, the rest will fall into place!!!
Cool! like you said, things can get better, I am glad and happy for you, I currently took on a new position myself with an outstanding corporation with management that treats me like a Rock Star, I've been in the military and LE communities all my life, but this gig takes the cake, they feed me breakfast and lunch to boot. It just goes to show you, with a little patience and persistence good things can happen even later in life.
I wanted to reply to your earlier post and say, jasper, I like your style, good outlook on life.
I hate my life too, all i wanted was a family to, but i screwed up and started my life with a drug addict thinking life would change as he got older, he's 40 now and all that's changed is he openly snorts oxy in bathrooms and he's a compulsive liar. He sucks, he works but he comes home and plays video games till midnight, tv till 2a, then goes to work at 7a. He can pull off a full work day, yet be the biggest prick to his kids, he's a junkie, has absolutely no friends/social life of any kind, we don't talk we just fight cause he can't handle a civil conversation while blitzed on drugs, he lies about every stupid ****ing thing possible, steals **** from every were he goes, he's a ****in bum. I have been with this ass hole for 14years, i love him, but god dam i would rather be alone than be in my hell. Sometimes divorce is the best thing for everyone involved, if i could just find the strength to do it. My demons are the kids, yet they are also a reason to run, i am so ****ing twisted inside over it, i just wish it all would just stop sometimes. I'm so ****ing sad, i go to bed earlier all the time just get out of it, my dreams don't disappoint as bad, it's the life i can escape to. To make it worse, i was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in Nov.2011, i got his support for the diagnosis, but after that he refused to accept so much he now doesn't believe i have it, therefore i don't get any help or support of any kind. I get it, he probably self medicates to deal with his own emotions, but he is wasting whats left of his kid's childhoods by refusing to participate in their lives, he's a horrible role model, he poor parent, terrible husband, just overall a really ****ed up person. He might be in pain, but what the **** am i in, bliss?? I'm just supposed to take on this condition, and all the parenting by myself so he can cry like a ***** and snort pills in secrecy in any grose dirty ****ed up bathroom he can find? WTF?? You know what man, I LOVE YOU, i feel for you, your ***** wife took off and prob had a stupid reason for doing so, but you are so young, and men are their sexiest in their late 30's-early 50's, your in a great place in your life, your in your ****ing peak for the dating ****! Screw a few girls younger than you to get your mojo back, then figure out your goals later, eventually life will just happen, you'll find someone you click with better than the ***** who ****ed you over and crushed your heart. But if you haven't started, know that i care, i am here caring about you right now man, just get up and get the **** out the door, and get laid.
Pretty much in the same boat NOW as you were a few years ago!
Early 40's...working a dead-end job where the only benefit of that job is being able to say "I have a job"...other than that, I'm not even able to pay bills!
As for the 'relationship', I love the woman I'm with, but as of lately, I've been thinking about how much better BOTH of our lives would have been NOW had our paths NOT crossed!
So broke right now, I can't even pay attention..and that's NO JOKE!
Been hitting all the local job boards and have applied to about 30 jobs over the last 2 weeks and not one call!
As you mentioned, the only time I really feel at my best is when I'm sleeping!
I dread even thinking about having to go to this job...It's a :30 minute commute and as for this week, I'm only working 2 days for a total of 10 hours!
Been thinking about just packing up my one back-pack and heading out on my own, as the misses isn't financially responsible FOR ANYTHING (Rent, Utilities, Etc., Etc.,), so she wouldn't be asked to pay for anything and I'm sure her oldest son wouldn't mind letting her stay in his extra bedroom for a few months until she finds something!
Am currently on Food Stamps and ran out of funds for this month about 2 days ago and the next installment doesn't kick-in until the 5th...
Have two (2) bills that are passed due and will eat up my next check, which I'll get on the 4th of next month..but then I wont' have gas money to get to work, so I'm pretty much *****ed no matter how I look at it!
Anyway...the more I try to stay positive, the more I hate my life and where I've landed at this stage in my life!
Glad at least someone else who was in my current situation found a way to better themselves...I'm still fighting to get my head above water over here...
I could have written the above post myself, Rougewarrior. I have been hit with so much endless **** over such a long period of time, with never a break in it, that I am basically emotionally totally drained and shut down. Well, one exception - no Mr or Missus here. On my own.
I wasn't going to comment, but with a end of life comment, maybe i should.
First of all your not even hurt bad like I was. That caused a total change of my life. I lost all my work, my place to live, caused a divorce, but that marriage wasn't any good anyway. She claimed it was the money. I claimed it was the 3 years of her partyin' and openly dating 3 other guys, and sometimes she brought them home. I had a son at home too.
I was some smashed up, getting crushed on the job, and AIG saw fit to cheat me of back surgery.
That still wasn't the bottom. When I left I took on work I couldn't really do, but managed to do it anyway. I was in wild pain. I did construction work on a new gambrell barn as labor and then roofed it alone. It was a really big barn too 40 x 80. I can tell you I never ever want to see another tan 3 tab shingle for so long as I live.
I got to see a few head shrinkers too, and for 2 weeks took antidepressants, which made me feel loose and very unhappy. They made a bad situation totally hollow and everything was shallow.
Well the barn job in Ct ended as like anything the jobs gets done. I moved to upstate NY where another job came to be known. There i wasn't alone anymore. The guy who hired me became a part of my crew. That was different. He hired 2 other people I didn't know a guy who couldn't read a tape, and a gal who could. The owner was mine in the day time and he could do only what he was told.
I drew the plans from the dirt up on that barn/shop/dwelling myself. In just under 10 months a 28 by 42 gambrell barn went up and 2 cabins too boot. Fell there broke my left elbow amd wrist. Fixed these myself.
That still wasn't the bottom.
I heard of a job in Md and went there. The truck broke down on the way, and for days i stayed off the road anyplace I could, and was starving. With the truck having no place to take it apart I couldn't fix it. I had somehow broken 2 lugs off the ft wheel on the passanger side, and I heard that go boom boom when they broke.
At one point I found a camp ground, and pulled in. I cut a deal with the owner for space and time in trade of fixing things, a lot of things, steps on many tree house cabins, and I cut and split fire wood hurt like Hell. A year went by and I lived there in a tee pee, of my own. In that year someone came with a better offer, just over south mountain. I moved there, but the offer was worse. I hung on another year, taking work at the camp ground as needed and anyplace else I could find any work.
That year I made a glassed in enclosuer where a fancy schamncy architect said it couldn't be done at the camp ground, and made a stagger board fence and 3 French raised bed gardens in another location in Md. I made a new friend there for the first time, and he was a big shot well connected guy, who didn't trust anyone fer nuthin. A real self made man.
First I took down 2 of the biggest trees I have ever taken down in my life for him. With one I drove a 4x4 post to china. Yes i was showing off. Next I fixed his House, a 1750's southern mansion, complete with civil war bullets embedded in the rafters up in the attic.
After that I fixed his 1947 MG-TC motor car, and next his 1936 Plymouth Torpedo Businessman's coup. About then he was trusting me with most anything, but not everything. He began to talk about opening a relics store for the Civil War Era. I was leery. I was still living in a bad place in the tee pee out of sight and away from mankind elsewhere.
A day came when he wanted me to assist a carriage driver for a Civil War Era Ball, and I was told to step down and hold the horse when guests climed aboard the carriage, and again when they got off.
Well the driver was his daughters English riding teacher, and he had never driven a horse drawn carriage in his life before.
Right after making the first run, where we had been told to turn in a lolly pop driveway, the driver came real close to flipping that carriage over. I took the reigns and told the driver I knew what I was doing and had 3.5 years of hauling tourists in the north country on big logging slieghs called pungs, and in big hay wagons.
Man, when the owner saw that I was driving he was smokin mad, till the driver told him what was up.
At that the owner said 'Is there anything else I dont know about you?' He was still real angery with me, but he got over it.
The next big deal for me was that same guys New Years Eve Party. I showed up as invited, and the owner was laddling out spiked punch to the ladies. The moment he noticed me he stormed over and asked who I was, and why I crashed his party! LOL I had come in a 3 piece gray suit with a tie, and my pony tail brushed out neat. He was stunned when I called him by name and stated mine. That was his first time to not see me dressed in rags.
And that wasn't the bottom either. I turned down the idea of the shop, and I regret that to this day. I moved north to see mmy son after 2 years. That became another Hell.
My x dumped him on me for the summer, and I was staying and working with an old buddy of mine in Mass. I was totaly un-fit to do dirt and shovel const. I just made the summer and when school started I was back in courts of law with my x and my son was lost to me once again.
I took up living like a wild man in the National Forest of NH and lived that way from Sept to the next. I didn't bother with mankind anymore. I made birch bark boxs all made of things the woods could offer for money, but I didn't need much money anymore.
During this time I met the next gal and had known of her a long while before, but she was married. She ended up splitting the blanket with her now x, all by herself. Well he committed the one sin most women won't stand for, he cheated on her and got caught.
With her in my life and her having no place to be she lived with me in the forest and in a while we rented a trailer from Hell. The location was what I was after. That was dead center in a ancient volcano in NH.
We spent 3.5 years living there, and I healed again finally. I can work around 6 hours a day now, but with the way laws are I can't get a hired job I don't find for myself. I can't get heath insurance either, both are dead ends with a pre-existing condition.
I sure don't worry about that any. Life is pretty good, while there is not a hint of any security.
I never knew where my next meal would from, not wild weeds and trees, I didn't know if the well below 0 temps would kill me in my sleep and at the time I didn't really care. I wasn't sure if I would get caught either, but the idea of getting busted didn't bother me. I didn't see that as any worse than where I was anyway.
These days I got a wife with meaning, nothing about my life is hollow or shallow anymore. The few people I call friends are happy to discuss How To on most any topics, and I can get paid for just talking sometimes. I do motorcycle work custom for a certain few, and the last thing I want to worry about is a carreer or money. Man I wasn't born to the worship of money. I find it shallowest of all. I don't get involved in cheap dirty work either. I either do it and get filthy, but do it right or I pass.
All I can say is you are alone in your mind, but you are not alone in the experience. Pull your boots on, get off the meds, and make something of life.
A last point: I can't understand the love of money, the desire of full time security. I have been bashed and smashed more than once, suffered more broken ribs than a man has, broken my neck, lost my spleen, broken my collar bone, left arm 3 times, and my left leg once. Then crushed my spine working.
What is it about mankind that makes him want to work his life away for mere money? The times I am most alive I am either so scared I want to shut it out, or I am so busted up that it scares me as bad. Man you are alive at times like that. I mean wide awake!
Yeah this was long huh?, too bad life isn't fair and it sure isn't pretty.
Make this day count for something. You make it count.
Wow, you've been all the way down and climbed through the other side.
This is a topic I've followed for a long time (since I started it 3 years ago). Must be the oldest thread on this board. I won't rehash all the details of my issues (they can be found somewhere on here), but the summary goes like this: I have a history of depression and low self esteem. This has greatly hindered my career and personal life. Got married kind of late in life, at 37, thinking I was doing the right thing and that it paid off to wait. I was wrong. Divorced 3 years later and unemployed when she left. The downward spiral continued for a couple of years. Dreams of a family were shattered. Finally, in late 2012, I left Atlanta for a good job in the midwest. I don't love where I live, but I like my company. My career has recovered and I'm 5 years removed from my divorce. I can finally say I don't think about her anymore and don't care what she's doing or who she's with. I got a promotion late last week and I'm now CIO of my company. I went from nearly being homeless thanks to the great recession, to having by far the best job in my career and the top of my industry. I don't really have a secret to getting here other than to not killing myself when I really wanted to. Its not perfect, especially in my personal life (dreams of a family now gone), but its something. So my advice to people at the bottom is simply not to give up, take it one day at a time, and always try to improve yourself.
Hi Atlguy39, congratulations on your promotion!! That is some achievement. I have been married 13 years to a man who suffers from depression and anxiety since his early 20s. Like you, he's smart and has an advanced degree but no career. He also has low self esteem even though he has been gainfully employed by a multinational corporation for 10 years.
A year ago, he suffered a major mental health setback and was unable to go back to work. This needless to say was a big blow to his confidence. Hopefully he can recover and one day return to work. He's a couple of years older than you and your story has given me hope.
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