Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness > Mental Health
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-25-2011, 05:55 PM
 
Location: DC-Baltimore area
265 posts, read 1,059,127 times
Reputation: 153

Advertisements

Hi there. I feel somewhat reluctant to post this given unemployment problems, but I have been slowly “losing it” working for the federal government in Washington, DC. I feel like I have to get out or literally die. I’m not posting this on the DC forum because I don’t want to hear the old DC refrain there of boosterism vs. trashing.
Can anyone relate? I’m a 57 y.o. F originally from Boston, MA; NH; and Rochester, NY. It’s come to the point where I have become very depressed (and I have had lifelong issues with depression and anxiety, although now managed) and over past 3 years my physical health has broken down. I have gone to counseling in recent years and it hasn’t helped. I go home at night and cry, and want it over. Despair and cynicism were never "me."
I came to DC on a visit 20 years ago and got a good job (later, went into the federal government, where I’ve been for 12 years, a fairly high-level professional and work hard, although "the system" is very challenging), somehow the years got away from me. I’m bone tired of all the congestion, rudeness, high cost (e.g., close to $2000/mo. for a basic 1 BR apartment), arrogance, career competitiveness, stress, racial tension, and the trapped feeling to this area. There aren’t even any straight guys around my age to date. I don't see retirement for another 10 years minimum.
Should I just quit and relocate, or is that nuts in this economy? A transfer in the government doesn’t look possible, everyone’s concerned about their budgets. At least I have a job, but… frankly I’m worried whether I’m going to survive emotionally. Do you think a high-stress area is especially hard for people with emotional illness?
At this point I feel I will never have known what it is to be relaxed and happy, and I'm worried about a heart attack, cancer, or something similar.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-25-2011, 06:07 PM
 
Location: Texas
15,893 posts, read 18,209,732 times
Reputation: 62765
Tuneful,

I'm so sorry to hear this. DC is generally a high pressure area for government employees. My agency's headquarters is in Baltimore and that is quite close enough to the Beltway.

Let's see, if you have been a federal employee for 12 years that means you are not covered under Civil Service Retirement, right? Are you FERS?

Have you thought about filing for disability? It sure wouldn't hurt to try for it.

Good luck to you. I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-25-2011, 06:22 PM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
27,074 posts, read 11,694,412 times
Reputation: 30347
Sorry to hear of your predicament. Sounds to me like a rather large change is needed in your life. We do need money but where do we draw the line...work years while miserable? Weigh the pros and cons of staying and of leaving, write it out on paper...and also think emotionally...where would you REALLY LOVE to live?

We are the same age...last yr I quit my job and gave myself 12 mths to decide where to move and to get it done. I will move next month to a lovely coastal city (by myself )...at first scary but now I am so excited and happy. BTW, I too take ADT on a consistent basis...also took this whole process very slowly, as I tend to get overwhelmed/stressed out. I KNOW stress is hard on those of us w/depression etc.

Even if you are fearful of change, moving etc., DO IT ANYWAY!
You can do whatever makes you happy! Don't let anyone convince you otherwise!

Best wishes~gbh
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-29-2011, 03:43 AM
 
977 posts, read 1,105,084 times
Reputation: 1927
I'm sorry about your situation! And I do empathise. I'm 60, F, and have fought depression all my life. Due to that, an unexpected and unwanted divorce and even more health problems, I am no longer employed---by choice. have low income, but would rather have less than stay in an intolerable situation. I no longer want to be part of the stress in the workplace, and I'd imagine you're experiencing an even higher level of stress in your job than I did. So I can surely understand wanting to get away form that!!!

One thought: if you do need to continue to work, why not at least look for another job in another area while still employed? Hard to do, I'd guess, but not impossible. Just exploring options might make you feel better. (Don't just quit if you can stick it out while looking).

And I definitely think stress affects our health in a very negative way. Life is stressful enough, period. Everyone has some degree of stress in their live, both good and bad. But I believe scientific studies have proven the biochemical repercussions of too much stress-----it ain't good! And those of us with emotional illnesses (depression) have even less resistance to the effects. When it's difficult to even LIVE, then it becomes unimaginably hard to live and function well in a stressful job!
Good luck to you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-29-2011, 04:06 AM
 
Location: in a galaxy far far away
19,104 posts, read 16,474,037 times
Reputation: 33120
I read your words and my heart breaks for you, Tuneful. With ten years left to work and in such a stressful situation, you do seem to be stuck, don't you? Your health will assuredly suffer. I know this for a fact. I retired early from my government job in 2006. I shouldn't' have done it. I only had 16 years earned and would have been so much better off, financially-speaking, had I waited. But my physical health was taking a toll, due to the stress of the job and family illness.

You have a good reason to be concerned about your health. Extreme stress does cause illness. Perhaps you can request a LOA for a short time. Enough to regroup and think about what you want to do. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Maybe a diversion would help. A sculpting class or take up learning a musical instrument or a class in international cooking. Anything to focus on something pleasurable until you can retire and know you'll be financially fit.

I wish you the best. Take care of yourself. If you go out of the office with a toe tag, your employer will just clean out your desk and hire the next one in line. Take care, dear.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-29-2011, 05:18 AM
 
Location: On the Chesapeake
44,884 posts, read 59,869,542 times
Reputation: 60427
Same job, if possible, but transfer to elsewhere?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-30-2011, 11:37 AM
 
Location: Buffalo
323 posts, read 1,786,990 times
Reputation: 265
Tuneful,
I so hear you and my heart really feels for you and your situation. At least you have some insight about this.
I agree with the other posters. Life is far too short. The stress in and of itself is so toxic for you.
Is there any way you can transfer to another location?
Take a leave of absence?
Quit?
Move to a less stressful locale and take a simple and stress free type work?
Ultimately it is about your health and what good is having a 401k , good benefits etc if you become drastically ill or worse?
I wish you well. Each man has to decide for him or herself what the priorities are. For some people it is a good 401k, retirement, benefits etc
But for others, it is living on less and being happier with more freedom and mobility of movement.
I go back and forth with all of this but every time I review everything I come to the conclusion that I would rather have peace and happiness.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-30-2011, 06:28 PM
 
5,238 posts, read 7,950,481 times
Reputation: 11402
I wouldn't quit that will just add a new dimension to your stress and despair. You need to formulate a plan? Do you have any good friends or family that could help you with that? Just talking to someone that cares that has ideas can be helpful. What kind of work are you doing now? Where would you like to move to? What kind of work would you prefer to be doing? What are your interests? Do you have a good amount saved, in case you do decide to move and try something completely different. I understand the feelings of hating what you do, and that its driving you over the edge, but I don't think jumping without substantial thought and a logical plan of action is smart either.

Have you thought what you can do to try and defuse some of the despair and emotions you feel for how life is now? Have you tried meditation? I found it relaxing to read the Buddhist Dharma's, and you can listen to them speak on You Tube. Here is an excellent website BuddhaNet - Worldwide Buddhist Information and Education Network. If there is a Buddhist temple in your area, you might try going there for initial instruction in how to meditate. Try your best to not think of life a head or in the past. Buddhist's try and live life in the moment, they train themselves to put their minds on the task they are doing. Mindfulness they call it. Some places have retreats you can go on, I've always wanted to do that, but I have no one to watch my 4 legged kids. You might find that interesting and eye opening too. Perhaps this might help you reduce your stress level now so you can make some sound decisions about your future. Ultimately, your physical and mental health is the most important thing. People shouldn't let the job, own them or run their lives. People like that feel they are trapped, in a cage. They are alive but not living.

The first thing you must do is find some ways to reduce the despair and stress you have everyday. Exercise can also help that, but as one that has suffered with depression/anxiety/PTSD and the like, I know just how hard it can be to motivate oneself alone. Having a friend or workout partner can help as you motivate each other. I think the meditation or yoga would be helpful but I think its more helpful when you have a mentor. Buddhists see depression different than others, they tend to believe that it comes from to much thinking only of ones self, and that by thinking and doing for others a person will be better. I understand what they mean, but of course depression can have deep roots far beyond being overly concerned with oneself and caring little for anyone else. I do agree it can help to focus on someone else, in my case its stray animals, and homeless kids. When you are able you might find that a bit of volunteering can be helpful to reduce your own stress as well as give you a better picture of yourself. Of course you have to do that when ready, and it has to be something you feel passionate about. I understand just making it out of bed, getting through the day can be all one can possibly do.

You are a smart person, try your best to work to defuse some of the stress now. Maybe my ideas are of some help, if not, perhaps someone else will have another idea. Of course there are meds, and natural remedies you might find useful. Passion Flower is an herb I have used, at a low to moderate dose it can calm and reduce anxiety, at a higher dose it can help you sleep. I would recommend you investigate the herbal remedies prior to thinking of antidepressants or anti anxiety meds. Focus on finding some things to help take the edge off now. Don't over work your mind with the repeated "what am I going to do" questions. When you get in that mode, try and distract yourself, with a funny movie or calming music. Don't spend to much time alone, letting your mind work overtime on thoughts of the job and the people there. The job doesn't own you, breath deep, take a walk, listen to the birds singing. I love listening to them in the early morning and in the evening. Think of the questions I've asked about what you would really enjoy doing and where you would like to go. Ask questions on c/d if you want to know more about a place. There are some pretty nice pple on here. I believe you can work this out, you need some time and a good plan. Best wishes to you!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-01-2011, 06:14 PM
 
63 posts, read 129,423 times
Reputation: 28
I'm a young (mid 20's) federal employee and I have just over one year of service, however I'm thinking about moving to a federal contractor for a better salary (if not now, then maybe in 2 years once I have my 3 year lifetime status), even though I'm aware that some federal contractors do not offer benefits. For those who have tenure and experience in the federal government, is this a wise choice? In addition, what GS have you guys made it to during your tenure?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-02-2011, 10:47 AM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
10,162 posts, read 20,701,071 times
Reputation: 19853
It sounds as though you have enough cons about living and working in DC to warrant a change. Though I do believe you need to fix whatever is broken on the inside, it might be easier for you to pull yourself out of this depression if you eliminated some of the stressors. Living in DC seems to be a big stressor.

Have you searched USAJOBS for opportunities in other states? You may still be able to find lateral or promotion opportunities somewhere else. That way you can leave DC and still have a job.

What are you doing for yourself? Have you taken any vacations? How about taking some classes to keep you busy and work towards a goal? Do you exercise at all? What sort of social outlets do you have?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness > Mental Health

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top