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Old 05-18-2011, 02:17 AM
 
Location: Us
2 posts, read 2,821 times
Reputation: 10

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Did u do something to be punished for. Nothing ever slips thru. Take a moment and share some words with God your higher power ect.. And don't be afraid to ask but there must always be balance think of the golden rule. I promise it will get better
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Old 05-20-2011, 12:08 AM
 
Location: Tucson/Nogales
23,083 posts, read 28,809,717 times
Reputation: 32377
Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
Think positive...you have the complete freedom now to go and do whatever you want or desire....
If you're mired in depression, to "order" someone to think positive is like telling someone who's never learned another foreign language, to speak another language.

Ironically, thinking more negatively may be more beneficial, or hanging out with a person who's equally negative or depressed.

For God's sakes, don't hang around someone positive, it will only make your situation worse!
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Old 05-22-2011, 05:34 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,353 posts, read 5,770,227 times
Reputation: 6561
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lost and found33 View Post
Did u do something to be punished for. Nothing ever slips thru. Take a moment and share some words with God your higher power ect.. And don't be afraid to ask but there must always be balance think of the golden rule. I promise it will get better
I feel like God is punishing me for something. Why else would I lose a marriage and numerous jobs over the last few years. If you'd told me this is where my life would be at 42, I wouldn't be here. I would have ended my life a long time ago.
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Old 05-24-2011, 07:57 AM
 
Location: colorado
2,788 posts, read 5,078,033 times
Reputation: 3345
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
I feel like God is punishing me for something. Why else would I lose a marriage and numerous jobs over the last few years. If you'd told me this is where my life would be at 42, I wouldn't be here. I would have ended my life a long time ago.

Why do you believe God is punishing you?..Too many people want to blame God right away, men said they don't need Gods direction so they chose to do it without him..now when things go wrong they want to blame him? Satan wants you to blame God..So it makes God look bad..and keeps the blame away from Satan..The ruler of this world is Satan..Satan wants you to think it worthless..Theres nothing in this world that is so great that God wouldn't see you thru..If you truly believe in God..then pray...tell yourself you will come out of this dark mess..
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Old 06-16-2011, 06:23 PM
 
Location: FL
454 posts, read 595,315 times
Reputation: 175
Try doing something spontaneous like moving somewhere new or changing your career.
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Old 06-18-2011, 10:09 AM
 
3,733 posts, read 12,354,577 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
I feel like God is punishing me for something. Why else would I lose a marriage and numerous jobs over the last few years. If you'd told me this is where my life would be at 42, I wouldn't be here. I would have ended my life a long time ago.
Your situation could be my brother's from about 6 years ago. He lost his job, his wife and through the divorce his home. In his mind he had lost everything. I had never seen him so shaken or down. He was saying all the things you are saying. I'll tell you the same thing I told him. You have to hang on. It will get better. Its not going to happen overnight and it won't happen suddenly. It will happen in small steps. You have been hit with a lot in a very short amount of time - thats why you feel so overwhelmed by it. It will be hard but try. Just focus on one thing at a time. Even if its in the fast food industry or temp work, get back to work as soon as you can to get money coming in. As for the rest of it....it will slowly fall into place - just give it time. My brother is now married again to a lady we all adore. He will still tell you that was the worst time he has ever experienced in his whole life but that he is glad that he held on through it. Please don't give in. Take small steps & you will get through it too.
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Old 06-18-2011, 10:48 AM
 
18,837 posts, read 37,218,706 times
Reputation: 26458
When so many things are out of yoru control, focus on things you can control. Don't get overwhelmed.

The unemployment rate in Spain is over 25%. Here in the US it is currently 9%. I would not move to Spain to look for work.
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Old 06-19-2011, 11:21 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,353 posts, read 5,770,227 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Va-Cat View Post
Your situation could be my brother's from about 6 years ago. He lost his job, his wife and through the divorce his home. In his mind he had lost everything. I had never seen him so shaken or down. He was saying all the things you are saying. I'll tell you the same thing I told him. You have to hang on. It will get better. Its not going to happen overnight and it won't happen suddenly. It will happen in small steps. You have been hit with a lot in a very short amount of time - thats why you feel so overwhelmed by it. It will be hard but try. Just focus on one thing at a time. Even if its in the fast food industry or temp work, get back to work as soon as you can to get money coming in. As for the rest of it....it will slowly fall into place - just give it time. My brother is now married again to a lady we all adore. He will still tell you that was the worst time he has ever experienced in his whole life but that he is glad that he held on through it. Please don't give in. Take small steps & you will get through it too.
Thank you so much for this. That helps.

Its been a 2 and a half year nightmare. I feel like my ex-wife is probably saying "I'm so glad I left that loser". Plus, I feel like an outcast in my own neighborhood. I'm stuck in the house (way underwater financially) and I hate it because it just reminds me of her. We used to have half the neighborhood over and entertain. Now I don't leave my house and the blinds are closed. Add to that the unemployment, and you get the picture. But its been so long already and my patience is running out, as is my hope. I hope I can hold on because right now I dread every day. My life wasn't supposed to go this way.
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Old 06-19-2011, 02:16 PM
 
Location: in a pond with the other human scum
2,361 posts, read 2,522,119 times
Reputation: 2803
I feel strongly about your situation. I was in a similar place when I was, well, around 42. My then-wife didn't leave me-- she just forged my signature to credit card applications, checks, and such, and "liberated" about, well, a six-figure sum from me, claiming that she had cancer and was afraid to tell me. She didn't have cancer, except of the morals. But it left me broke, homeless, unemployed. I limped back to the place I grew up and promised my dad and stepmother I'd only be there for six months tops. I worked harder than ever before in my life to get a job and, when that didn't appear to be working out, just doing odd work where I could. I sold off the toys of my former upper middle-class life and drove a junky old pickup truck with a clutch spring designed for Superman to the work I was able to find.

At five and a half months, I found another job-- totally different area of law from where I'd been before, but it was regular salaried work and better still, started to help me rebuild my inner life. The main reason I got it was because I had taken on a high-profile case defending a church from foreclosure, and while I am not a Christian nor religious by any means, having that place to go and do the work I was trained to do put me back on the path to healing and I am forever grateful to them and the opportunity. I didn't plan it that way. If there is a God, I think she thinks our plans are funny.

Fortune favors the bold. Get out and do something, anything, to push you further down the road. Walk away from the underwater house. It's only a business obligation, not a moral one. See if the mortgage company will take a deed in lieu and/or let you off the hook for any deficiency judgment. You won't know until you ask. When you move out of the underwater house and into an efficiency apartment, go say goodbye to the people in the neighborhood that you and your wife used to socialize with. Shake their hands, look them in the eyes, give them your new address and phone and e-mail, tell them you're looking for work, any help they can provide will be wonderfully appreciated. Time to stop being ashamed of your situation and ask people for help. People love to help as a general rule. I bet you do too when you're not beating yourself up.

Join a divorce recovery group, to meet others in similar situations to yours (and probably worse ones). The people I met there became some of my best, most supportive friends. And it'll probably help to meet people who, believe it or not, are worse off than you. Put yourself in service to those people, if only by listening to them, and if they ask for help, offer it. You are not helpless.

Candidly, I didn't read all the posts from you in this thread, but I don't think I need to. I've been in therapy more than once in my life and recognize my predisposition for depression, but in fighting it over the years, I got some really great advice from a little old lady therapist who looked and sounded like Dr. Ruth. She exhorted me to "put ze vhip down." Put the whip down. Stop beating myself.

Stop beating yourself. Take a step, then another step. If there's any religious sentiment in you, then pray daily and do good works. If you're not religious, then meditate, work on doing nothing for those five or thirty minutes every day, until your monkey mind quietens down. Get a library card and read "Man's Search for Meaning" and Camus' "Myth of Sisyphus," the first about a concentration camp survivor who was stripped of everything except the power to choose how he saw himself and his life, and the second to read a very wise answer to the question, "why NOT commit suicide?"

Just read in general. Cervantes, Dostoyevsky, Walter Isaacson's bio of Ben Franklin, any bio of Thomas Jefferson. What would you read if you were in prison and had nothing but time and books? Read the answer to that question.

Do something and stop the pity party. I can say that because I hosted my own pity party for years and know exactly how to throw one.

You've got work to do.
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Old 06-19-2011, 11:29 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
6,872 posts, read 11,186,991 times
Reputation: 10757
Smile Trying to encourage you

Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
As if I needed something else to worry about, I lost my job yesterday. I won't be eligible for unemployment insurance and I'm very worried. Why am I going through all of this? Its bad enough that I'm depressed and can't get over my ex-wife. Now the career is an even bigger issue than it already was. I feel like I'm being punished for something.
I hope things are getting better for you. I just read something last night.

Just start putting one foot in front of the other. Look yourself in the mirror and realize you won't be any younger than you are today. You have a college degree. At least, you have that.

You have climbed the mountain once. You can do it again. If I had a large firm, I'd hire you in a second.

As far as your home (I'm a mortgage broker), the Mortgage Forgiveness Act of 2007 may be something to look at if you short sell your home. If you bought your home between April 2005 and July 2007, you are eligible. You also DO NOT have to go late on your payments to do a short sale.

As far as your ex-wife, it's her loss. 42 is still young. It really is. Age is just a number.

I have good friends in Atlanta. I wish I knew of something.
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