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I am 59 and married, but I have very few friends and they live in another part of my state. I don't know how old these post are but I can relate. My husband works a lot or is doing stuff in the yard...I don't work, but the few acquaintances I know from church are polite to me, but never really friendly. The few ladies I know, I can't really get close to. I think women don't really like me. I'm outgoing, I treat people well, I'm pretty normal...just don't understand. I'm average looking, average income...I do go out on my own to the library, shopping, even an occasional movie...but it sure would be nice to have a bestie to do things with..I'm lonely and bored..I wonder if it's always going to be like this.
I have struggled to maintain and keep friendships. I get so ****ing tired of always making the effort and feeling like I'm the one putting in all the energy. It gets exhausting and I'm frustrated, just so damn frustrated. At times I just get fed up with it all. I often wonder if people are more alone than they are willing to admit or lead on and that people may consider acquaintances friends, when they are generally people you just sorta, kinda know. I don't want to get on a rant but I have found the older you get the harder it is to make friends in life. I feel like I try to make friends but I also can put up walls because I don't wanna get hurt by people. I get too much inside my head and then over think **** to death. I wish I had an answer. Feel like I'm defective.
Reason: It doesn't require verbal/mental connection. So you are breaking the ice over a sweat. There is always that feeling of exhilaration after sport that opens people up. Over time (maybe right away) you can start connecting thru conversation and topics.
Sites like: meetup.com. There are meet ups (most free/some cost for food/supplies) in many activities in every city/country.
I don't see a problem with the OP's situation. I'm 47 and have one close friend from Jr. High I see a couple times a month. I have a few decent neighbors to chat with occasionally and I'm happy with that. I don't need a bunch of people hanging around and coming and going.
I don't see a problem with the OP's situation. I'm 47 and have one close friend from Jr. High I see a couple times a month. I have a few decent neighbors to chat with occasionally and I'm happy with that. I don't need a bunch of people hanging around and coming and going.
It's not a problem if that is your comfort zone, enjoying how things are. But Windsong is searching for more!
For me, it is so easy to sit back and watch life from the sidelines. But I truly think it is about getting extremely involved with your life. I am in the same boat, unfortunately it is a BIG boat- with just me in it. haha
I recently joined a book club and after the meeting, I felt lonely going home to my empty apartment. sigh... So, I am going to do something after the event. I don't know what it is yet! Got to keep trying! And it's a start! Maybe I'll met someone who wants to do something after. If not during this group, another one later! Getting out and about will put me in contact with others.
A few years ago before my dad died (age 69) he confided in me that one of his biggest regrets was not having any friends. He said his wife had friends and he got along with them but friends of his own he had none. He said that it seems that ppl these days feel that once a man is married hes not allowed to have any of his own friends but rather must have "couple friends". That was one of the promises he made me keep was to have friends of my own throughout my life.
xI do go out on my own to the library, shopping, even an occasional movie...but it sure would be nice to have a best ito do things with..I'm lonely and bored..I wonder if it's always going to be like this.
You sound like me. I tend to sit back and wonder why my friends are too busy. It is easier to look to those you always have or to give up on finding people to be friends with. But I am not giving up! Please don't either. Try to find one activity you could do, to visit with other people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rangerdude_Charlie
Feel like I'm defective.
You are not defective. It is harder to make friends as we get older. But it's been hard for me when I've sat back (as I said before) and wanted to rely on friends I already knew. I think when you (as in me) have friends who don't met the expectations, it is easy to blame yourself. Be upset and wonder why they don't like you (me again!).
But getting out, finding new activities is the way! Get involved in things you'd do if you had people to do them with! I am finally coming around to this, just beginning. I am optimist!
One thing I want to add... sometimes I just want to be home,enjoy the quiet, not have to be out in public. But I don't want to be alone! That is why I am here at the library tonight. Can't be in two places at once! Tonight I chose to come here and post. At least I have that!
Last edited by Wild Flower; 04-06-2014 at 08:30 PM..
I personally find most parts of the USA anti-social. I could definitely see myself facing this same thread issue down the line if I stayed in this country
join the club. Being retired young and not having any children makes having friends almost impossible. It hard to be social when you have no where to go. Its also hard when your used to being alone. You tend to not trust or forget how to act. I have lost all faith in friends and just stay a lonely loner! My hobbies are very different also from most people. I thought a common interest would bring people together , its just there are not a lot of people who have my common interest. Its female bodybuilding and most people hate it.
My mother is 69 and has only had one real friend in my lifetime, and they haven't done things together since the early '80s.
The thing I've noticed about my mom is that she just isn't good at being a friend. Even with me, so we never really bonded in my adult life. In the 28 years since I left home, she has never once picked up the phone and called me just to see how I'm doing. Never. There were years where she never contacted me. I found out that she would only see her own father once or twice per year at holidays, and he lived only a mile from her.
She also doesn't listen to anyone. She hijacks the conversation back to herself and her problems. And since she's never worked, or kept up on current events, or had hobbies, she has nothing interesting to talk about. So she just rambles on and on about her health issues. Nobody wants to hear that. She'll corner anyone she can in public and start talking about her health issues, or anything else that she thinks will make them feel sorry for her. And she's very difficult. If you don't agree with her on something, then she's right, you're wrong, and she gets mad. So I understand why she has never had any friends, or even a relationship with her own two children or any other relative. No one can stand to be around her. Except for my father, who's tolerated her all these years.
My dad is dying of cancer, so my mom will truly be alone soon. But my dad is happy and has always had friends. Even while doing chemo, he goes to the gym just to talk to his workout friends. He calls his brothers regulary, has a pleasant disposition, is very informed on current events, etc. If it were my mom diying, I wouldn't be worried about him at all.
So two very different personalities. One with friends, one without. I don't know what to say, but sometimes it just is people's personalities that are a put-off to others.
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