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Old 04-13-2014, 06:42 PM
 
4,475 posts, read 6,656,882 times
Reputation: 6635

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Every once in awhile i start to get aggravated at the whole "married people cant have friends" belief and remembering that i saw this thread i figured id post these articles for anyones enjoyment:

Wait, Are Married People Not Supposed to Have Friends? | xoJane

Why Getting Married Kills Your Social Life
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Old 04-14-2014, 09:31 AM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,164 posts, read 27,104,380 times
Reputation: 10428
Quote:
Originally Posted by southkakkatlantan View Post
This post really stood out to me. Reminds me of my mom, except she's not married and lives alone.

I usually call my mom weekly, but sometimes it's hard because I can't get her to stop rambling. When I say I've got to go sometimes she practically pleads I stay on the phone so she can ramble about something else. This is after listening to her for 2 hours or more.,,there have been times ( I hate to admit this) where I just had to hang up on her and pretend my phone cut off. It's like everything she would normally talk about amongst friends, relatives and associates I would have to bare because she doesn't talk to anyone like that but me. I feel sad for her but it's making me pity myself too because I see a lot of her in me. I've always struggled with making and maintaining relationships. Always been socially awkward, don't like being in groups of people and at times have been too depressed to be bothered. My biggest fear in life is that when I pass I imagine less than 5 people being at my funeral. This image haunts me and makes me feel like I'm living an empty life with no real meaningful relationships to show for myself.

The only thing that makes me feel better is that I can't be the only one in the world like this. How do you think your mom will deal when she's truly alone?
I don't know. She'll either die soon after, or she'll start hoarding again really bad... I just don't know. She refuses to fly, so she'll probably never see her gandkids again (my kids) unless I spend all the money to take them to her (an 8 hour drive from our house), and since she has no room in her house for us, I'd have to pay for a hotel on top of transportation and food. Then once we got there, what's the point? She sleeps until 1 in the afternoon, can't be ready to go anywhere at a decent time. If I'm going to spen $1000 for a trip, I'd rather go somehwere to have fun. I really don't know what will happen to her.
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Old 04-16-2014, 02:21 AM
 
Location: Canada
47 posts, read 56,419 times
Reputation: 26
Online is a best medium, Get join maximum number of social sites, keep chat Regular interval of times. Throw some party, Join Some different types of clubs,join some sports.
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Old 03-29-2017, 01:50 AM
 
1 posts, read 1,414 times
Reputation: 10
I have met thousands of people in my life,having been in the lower ranks of the entertainments/music biz and I have to say most people do seem fake. I am on an recently off FB for the same reason,say one thing 2 or 3 do not like and you are ostracized and maligned as mean or hostile.
I have always been genuine,straight up,no BS but carry myself with manners and dignity. Shame a lot of other musicians cannot say that,I am so disgusted with the majority and the substance and personality problems. I do empathize with many of you above and I am 54 and had one hell of a rough ride in life,due to unreliable health,many lays offs in jobs,so ended up working temp for many years,resulting in my ending up broke and back home with parents for last two years.I do have ambition but just trying to overcome depression as a result of above and of fractured romantic relationships as I am sure I hold the world record for the man who has been cheated on,but of course if anyone replies to this the women will not as they may assume I am a loser or abuse,neither is correct,just unfortunate.I am a gentleman to women.
As regards friendships I have always been a loyal,helpful and respectful friend to no avail. SO why am I here?
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Old 03-31-2017, 12:08 PM
 
5,457 posts, read 3,336,800 times
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There is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone. You might have been trained to say it is not healthy and believe it. Do what you want or don't do.. just be. I think you are at the age that many people begin to go within instead of finding outside gratification or distractions. Being able to be alone is just about gaining wisdom and liking/loving yourself., maturing.

I think you could start out by taking 7-10 day vacations to somewhere beautiful possibly with 55+ tours. It would help expand your horizons, refresh your spirit, and you can be as intimate with other vacationers as you deem comfortable. Vacationers are more likely to engage because they might not see each again. Everybody goes home eventually. You can give your address/phone number out if you want to but there are no expectations.
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Old 04-10-2017, 04:13 AM
 
Location: encino, CA
866 posts, read 625,283 times
Reputation: 1157
Cool A Recluse

Quote:
Originally Posted by Windsong44 View Post
So here is the kicker -- I'm actually a psychotherapist. But I don't understand why I am not liked. Please no cruel remarks. I'm really trying to understand this.
I did a lot of personal psychotherapy to understand my self and a lot of my relationship issues. I have never been a "people" person but can trace much of that back to my childhood as the "middle" child and not really wanted in my very messed up family. I've never been "good" with people so, now that my late wife and best friend is gone, I am totally alone in life since she was literally the only "friend" I've had for 26 years. I am in music so I do work with and meet others yet do not cultivate or attract "friends", but am rather comfortable without any. Some like me but NEVER call here and, of course, I don't call them either!
I am 79 and beginning to wonder if this is perhaps some "spiritual" or "existential" thing in which I am not suppose to be in relationships or connected to "others" in order to finally realize who/what I am other than just an animal, trudging about on a planet until it's all over. I have done a lot of "seeking" for self realization and spiritual truths so that might be why I am a "loner" and not involved in conventional or "normal" human interests and activities. Maybe I was supposed to become a Monk? I could very easily become a complete recluse! It's not that I dislike people but more that I just don't identify with what most others like, want or do and I can easily **** people off with my thoughts and "jokes". I am "different" and have always been "different".

Windsong44, perhaps that is the same for you - perhaps you are "different" and not meant to be a "normal" worldly person. Do you know who/what you are? Were you meant to be a Monastic?
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Old 04-10-2017, 07:18 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,353 posts, read 5,769,691 times
Reputation: 6561
Quote:
Originally Posted by batphinkreynolds View Post
I do have ambition but just trying to overcome depression as a result of above and of fractured romantic relationships as I am sure I hold the world record for the man who has been cheated on,but of course if anyone replies to this the women will not as they may assume I am a loser or abuse,neither is correct,just unfortunate.I am a gentleman to women.
As regards friendships I have always been a loyal,helpful and respectful friend to no avail. SO why am I here?
You are not the only one, trust me. Not that it makes you feel better, but I'm the same way and have been taken advantage of in similar ways.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kitty61 View Post
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone. You might have been trained to say it is not healthy and believe it. Do what you want or don't do.. just be. I think you are at the age that many people begin to go within instead of finding outside gratification or distractions. Being able to be alone is just about gaining wisdom and liking/loving yourself., maturing.

I think you could start out by taking 7-10 day vacations to somewhere beautiful possibly with 55+ tours. It would help expand your horizons, refresh your spirit, and you can be as intimate with other vacationers as you deem comfortable. Vacationers are more likely to engage because they might not see each again. Everybody goes home eventually. You can give your address/phone number out if you want to but there are no expectations.
Good advice. I'm starting to travel alone, which is scary to me because I like sharing experiences with people. I also get worried about being in cities I don't know and figuring out how to navigate. I know I'm very capable, but it stresses me out. I don't want to just be tied to tours. I want to get comfortable exploring on my own.
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Old 04-10-2017, 01:17 PM
 
Location: encino, CA
866 posts, read 625,283 times
Reputation: 1157
Thumbs up Separation

Quote:
Originally Posted by Windsong44 View Post
I'm actually a psychotherapist.
This might work for you.......
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmTdYSHfMcM
good luck
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Old 04-18-2017, 12:22 AM
 
473 posts, read 497,733 times
Reputation: 339
Meetup.com will get you set up pretty quickly if you have any activity groups that interest you like running, hiking, travel, entertaining, book club...Can look up old friends on Facebook.
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Old 04-20-2017, 02:12 AM
 
1,717 posts, read 1,671,918 times
Reputation: 2203
You ought to go to your high school reunion or get on facebook and chat up with your old school mates. It's amazing what happens when you reconnect.


I didn't read all the posts. If no one else suggested it - Get a dog. Then take the dog with you and visit the dog park. Visit the vet. Everywhere I go with my dog people stop and want to talk and pet or talk and visit. I've met so many neighbors while out walking our dog.


Dog people are wonderful. They have big hearts. If you haven't thought about getting a dog, do consider it! You can talk to your dog, you get an enthusiastic greeting all the time, and believe me, you won't feel lonely anymore. Getting up to feed the dog will give you purpose in the morning.


I also suggest volunteering. Go help at a dog shelter and go ask questions if you're considering a dog. Help at a school, read to the elementary kids. There are so many opportunities out there.
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