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I hae been in this situation many times -- as a divorcee, as a widow, and after retiring from the formal workforce. I believe its natural to have to hit the personal re-start butting periodically. When I am in this situation, I usually read a few self-help books on how to make other people like me just as a brushup on my converational skills. And I join things, take classes, go on group-type vacations, etc. A Road Scholars trip, joining Sierra club hikes, taking some interesting adult ed classes. Even taking fitness classes. What creates friendships is constant, casual, contact with the same people. That's why people I have worked with over the years who had nothing in common were great friends over time. Going helter-skelter trying to meet people is much less effective than showing up to the same thing continuously over time. It really works.
I just saw this post and had to make my comment. I'm near 50 and I find the older I get, less friends, but I'm busy at work and being a wife.
We simply cannot afford a social lifestyle. It really sucks, but it is true. We struggle with long term employment and had to use our savings just to keep roof over our head and get food. Whenever we think things get better because we managed to both get jobs, we are exhausted with our energy level to keep up with any social commitments and trying to be frugal.
We may be better off alone. People these days can be so draining.
People don't seem to know how to have fun anymore. People I talk to out in public all seem like they are living "under the gun" and they are always moaning about something.
I really connected to this thread and it made me think a lot about my own life. I acknowledge that I'm generally introverted and a loner but professionally extroverted and socially active via charity. That professional "extrovert-ism" drains me where I prefer not to cultivate relationships personally and due to my strained relationship with family, I have no desire there.
In general, this dichotomy seems to bother me when other people bring it up or I hit life milestones. It wasn't until reading this thread where I realized I just have to get to a point of acceptance. I'm am not going to be a social butterfly in every aspect of my life and that is not a birth defect. Simultaneously, there are things I can do to improve my life's utility and reduce worry, fear and stress.
I have to accept who I am and feel comfortable with that. I'm not interested in being "fixed" but I should always be open to improving. I should be appreciative of the relationships at any level that are generally positive and not hold-on to all the things that never worked out.
I think because of the stigma of being a loner, it can infringe a feeling of loneliness and depression. Because a loner's life can be so frowned up, many of us thus feel a heighten level of loneliness and depression where in reality we are uncomfortable not being ourselves and unlike the majority. Perhaps, I may never have 500 FB or Twitter friends, or marry or be a parent but I have to accept that it does mean I cannot have a productive and happy life.
We may be better off alone. People these days can be so draining.
People don't seem to know how to have fun anymore. People I talk to out in public all seem like they are living "under the gun" and they are always moaning about something.
The original post is from 2011. Interesting that it is very similar to my first post here on C-D. I think a lot of women who have raised children end up in the similar boat. We spend years putting everything we have in raising our kids--then they become responsible and independent as we had hoped for--it leaves us a bit empty afterwards. Some days I think I am doing great and other days I wonder what my purpose is in life.
I have acquaintances but no real friends. A few months ago I went on a small trip with a co worker -- she was a good person, we have things in common--but it drained me.
I love finding these posts because it makes me realize it is normal and happens to other people.
I am really okay with being by myself.
WOW! I saw this thread come alive again! I posted in 2011 and since then I did get a job working with creative people of all ages and lot's of customers so regular interaction happens and my brain stays active. I have a few friend I see socially and get together with, elderly parents I'm now spending a lot more time with because when they hit their mid 80's their health went downhill fast, STILL have 2 boys living with me only now they are 26 and 30 and the Bay Area didn't get any more affordable over the last 6 years. It's not much really but it's enough. I can see myself moving into an active senior community in the future since it's worked out well for my parents and some older friends of mine but that's still way down the road. Or maybe I'll meet someone special. Never say never!
Oh, and I'm still posting on forums
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