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I would think therapists get so burned out with all the issues they hear day in and day out. Love to have their quiet times ALONE. Some company but minimal.
As I've aged, I pick and choose a lot more carefully and like myself too much to cause me strife with those who are a bore and moan too much. I can do my own moaning but keep it in check...hope I do.
That's interesting. I wouldn't expect someone in your field to not have friends. Maybe its because I like to think therapists have strong social skills. Of course, I think everyone has better social skills than I do. Its rough not having friends. All my "friends" where I live now (in Hell, basically) are more acquaintances, meaning they never initiate plans. Its always me initiating. Its not easy at all. It makes you think there's something wrong with you, but I know that's not true. I'm very likable and approachable, though I probably don't smile enough. I don't know...
Everyone wants the other person to take the initiative---myself included.
You really dont need friends. People are not worth wasting my time on. Work and the daily interactions with people in general are enough to keep me away. Those that watch the news and believe it are reason enough to not want to deal with them too.
You really dont need friends. People are not worth wasting my time on. Work and the daily interactions with people in general are enough to keep me away. Those that watch the news and believe it are reason enough to not want to deal with them too.
It truly is work, isn't it? I know we all get lonely, but there is no denying the friendships are work and sometimes not worth it.
I'm not asking for sympathy here. Just....not sure what.
I literally have no friends. I used to, in my younger days. When I was young, thin and pretty, and more social. But I took friendship for granted, and didn't work at it. Then married, had a couple of children, then ten years later got a divorce. Without going into a long detailed story, my childhood and marriage included the garden variety of challenges --parental alcoholism, personal illness, sexual abuse, abusive marriage, miscarriages. Out of the mess, I rose to my own occasion and got a college degree and raised my children. After my divorce, I literally gave all my time, money, attention, and energy to my children. I dated only once, only had one or two women friends, never went out, worked hard and went back to school. I never had parties, rarely had other kids over for my kids, talked to neighbors very little, went to very few social functions. Over time, my few friends went to the back burner. Now my kids are grown, don't need me in the same way (of course!), and I......am alone. Parents gone. Ex gone. Brother gone. Best friend gone. And old friends.....not really interested. I recently wrote three old friends a letter, hoping for reconnection. No responses. I have had 3 co-worker type friends I text, suggest dinner, etc. Not much response. I can feel when I walk in a room, a sort of cool response. I can feel when I'm with clients at work, a distance. I don't think people warm up to me. I am a strong and independent person, educated, with good empathy and am pretty interesting. I am very comfortable with people, except my peers. So here is the kicker -- I'm actually a psychotherapist. But I don't understand why I am not liked. Please no cruel remarks. I'm really trying to understand this.
I am about to become 56. At this point in my life, I pretty much understand that I will never have any truly close friends. People always to tell me to just be myself. Well, then when I am myself, people hate me, and I have yet to meet anyone who has not picked up on it when I'm just faking. My entire life has been living as a loner - even when I married and managed for so many years to build and raise a family. But then again, I turned out to be a poor mother at that as well.
It sounds like you succeeded at least in getting your degree and a career. I do hold a degree but am pretty much unemployable since my mental acuity seems to have been dumped somewhere, never to be found again. Plus, I have no money, no looks, no health.
Since the kids left and I was laid off, I have realized that I let all my friends go when I went back to work full time...now I have no job and those friends have moved on!
I tend my friends like a garden. My husband comes along for the ride. Unless OP does the work, he’s not going to keep old friends. Like anything else, you reap what you sow.
The cause of a lack of friends for some people can be external. If you're Edward Snowden, you don't trust new people you meet. They're out to get you. A well-meaning therapist might say, "The roots of your distrust are internal. It's not other people. It's you." But you smile and say, "I don't think so. It is other people. They follow me, slander me, lie, and try to entrap me. It happens every day. It happens every time I walk out the door. I don't trust them."
Absent an external issue like that, which can overwhelm all other aspects of your life, you should be able to make friends. Try harder. Best.
I already posted, but the quick fix to your problem is to reconnect with friends or relatives by Facebook or email. I already said that I tend my old friends because we share history and I care for them, but I just reconnected with a co worker from 30 years ago. We are enjoying the reconnection, because we share a lot of the same experiences.
I tend the old spies I've known, like flowers. God forbid they look in the mirror and realize who they are before they kick. A moment of clarity like that would bring them much suffering. I wouldn't want that to happen. Instead, I say, "How are you, old friend? Let's pretend that any impartial observer, let alone advocate for my interests, would not instantly identify all of your interactions with me over the past thirty years as hostile, antagonistic, and illegal. Because you smile when you lie. That makes all the difference. It shows you have empathy. I'm willing to let bygones be bygones and reestablish old ties with you, as a duck willingly places its neck in a fox's jaws. Foxes make up stuff in fables, but you don't do that. We're keeping it real, like buddies. You're so awesome." I feel myself open too, like a gentle, harmless flower.
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