Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness > Mental Health
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-22-2011, 07:35 PM
 
Location: Soon to change
29 posts, read 35,129 times
Reputation: 26

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Humble View Post
What kind I say? I am touched. What a beautiful, helpful, generous response. One voice like yours can restore faith, and that's simply because there are people like you. I wish I could pray. I lost that somewhere along the way. I just end up feeling like I'm talking to myself. But I do look around, and I do find others that are in worse shape than I am, and I do reach out and help them when I can. I'm still pretty good at that. I just want to thank you for this. I wish I could thank you properly, but maybe I am. Very sweet.
Thanks... The fact that you answered encouraged me, too. Most days lately it seems I am invisible. When all the needles point to empty seems like everybody disappears.

I've just been reading through all the pages of threads, thinking things like "been there, done that". The part that has been most interesting is, well, two-fold: a) that so many people have the same problems (or way worse), and b) the number of people who've read each thread, indicating that they, too, have the same problems.

It's not the problems, per se, that matter. It's that having all these issues is apparently the current norm for so many, and I feel confident in my suspicion that this is going to escalate. Not to be flippant about my, your, or anyone's terror, but I'm such an old hand at this and yet I have made it this far. If it's so normal to be desperate we might as well relax and enjoy the ride.

Sorry if that doesn't make any sense. I will be homeless at the end of the week, in essence, and I'm a little giddy after days of trying to figure out where to go. Thank God for the resources I still have, tenuous as they are.

"too late"... Those words of yours moved me to reply to your post. I'm thinking of how many times too late has come. And yet my life goes on.

It is worst when I think only of my own particular troubles... but then I browse a thread and think, "Thank God I never had to deal with that." Still, I'm not moved to chime in with words of any kind in most cases... I have too many seemingly insurmountable troubles of my own, financial, logistical, physical and emotional. Seeing this underscores for me what I knew before I read your post... Everybody is, at bottom, alone.

And yet, not...

I, personally, have some truly astounding experiences that give me the blessed certainty that God is, He hears, He answers... always and always and always. I hardly ever know it when it's happening (a few, happy occasions), it's not always the answer I wanted or like at all, and sometimes when I got what I wanted - way down the road - I realize that maybe I would have been better off if I hadn't. (My husband's paraplegia was followed by first prostate cancer, then lung cancer, and I have the debts that came with it all.)

The point is that He IS there. So talk to God. If it feels like you're talking to yourself, accept that (like, I don't know... sagging skin under my arms... I can't change it, so I go on and it just is what it is). Talk to Him anyway. Do it out loud. Fill the air, quiet or loud, with all the thoughts, fears, yearnings, needs, hopes, all of it.

It occurs to me as I write this that if, as I talk to Him, I harp on the bad stuff I'm going to feel worse... the badder the stuff the worser the feeling. ) Maybe if I make am effort to shift into a light vein I will feel better. Seems to me that this note to you has worked out to be a prayer and that I just got a valuable answer.

Thank you. Both of you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-23-2011, 08:52 AM
 
2,179 posts, read 3,403,196 times
Reputation: 2598
Katrinka, sometimes it is like a fighter on the ropes, taking one shot after another, knowing that the next one might be the one that puts you out. I don't have time to post more on this now, but will get back to it later. You and your husband will be in my thoughts today. Please hang in there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2011, 10:19 AM
 
Location: Soon to change
29 posts, read 35,129 times
Reputation: 26
Default Never out

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Humble View Post
Katrinka, sometimes it is like a fighter on the ropes, taking one shot after another, knowing that the next one might be the one that puts you out.
Truly, there have been days, many, when I think I am ready to take myself out. Then I think about the sheer wonder of the spark of life that is the difference between taking the next breath and not taking it, and I think, "Only God can give it, who am I to take it away?" And, of course, if it was the best thing for me (or, rather, for God) He would do it Himself.

There's the thing... I know that translating the Bible is not child's play, if for no reason other than they used no punctuation. (We've all seen examples of what a difference the placement of a comma can make in the meaning of a sentence.) But there are word forms that indicate intent in the meaning of the word, like past tense and future perfect (I remember the term from grammar class but not what it means!). I once listened to a Greek scholar who argued that the correct translation of one passage is not "All things work together for good for those who love God" but, rather, "All things work together for good for those who are loved of God." - meaning everybody.

That speaks to my heart and makes so much more sense in relation to God as I see Him in Nature (another word for God?). He didn't save "fearfully and wonderfully made"just for humans... it applies to flowers, bugs, rocks... heck, to atoms, sound waves, you name it.

I neglected to mention, when I spoke of getting answers to prayers that turned out maybe not so good (like my husband's repeated illness)... When I prayed about the hopelessness of the situation as the neurosurgeon at Duke was telling us there was nothing to be done, my exact prayer was, "Your will and not mine God, but I've only had this wonderful man's love for one year and I've known so little love in my life."

It's that "but" that gets us. I really believe God gives us, sometimes, the desires of our hearts. However, those were great times for my hubby... He was vigorously healthy, doing volunteer work he loved, we were financially stable, and his paralysis was the result of an insidious injury that was nearly painless, his death would have been painless and relatively quick, he had already accepted and made peace with his imminent death, and though bereft I would have been debt free at that time. Instead, God have me what I asked for... I actually directly contributed to Ray's recovery by forcing the previous hospital to locate vital x-rays they'd lost - the exact location of the constriction on his spinal cord was found, and a simple surgery restored him.

Then a teenage girl driving her boyfriend's stick-shift car for the first time rear-ended us... not really very hard, but enough to re-ignite the spinal problem. More surgery, more extensive this time, infection, more surgery. Again, Ray barely survived, and this time recovery was limited and he could no longer do the work he loved... before long he could barely use his hands - a heartbreaking thing for a mechanically trained man.

Then came prostate cancer... the fear, the complications from radiation, and a more weakened condition. I was thrilled that this man who made me feel cherished for the first time in my life was still alive, but life for him was deteriorating and the bills were piling up.

About this time I received a substantial inheritance that covered the bills with a bit left over... A God-send.

Finally, lung cancer. The cruelest cut of all for a man who had survived two bouts of TB as a teenager (the first lung surgery survivor at his sanitarium in NYC, that was 1941). He lost all his strength, was unable even to tend his beloved flowers. We didn't know why he was so weak... his doctor kept saying, "You have to expect this." When we finally got the diagnosis Ray was terrified. He died three weeks later. By now we were again deeply in debt and I was so paralyzed with not only grief but exhaustion that I blindly took the advice of self-proclaimed experts and held onto our house because the market was going up.

Guess you know where that went... the housing market crashed. By the time all my financial resources ran out and I was forced to sell there want enough to pay the bills.

My point? What if I had said, "God, Your will and not mine." and left out the "but..."?

I still pray, and I know God is doing His thing. It's a rather scary time for me. And here we are again... I've written this to encourage you not to be afraid to pray, but maybe the lesson is for me. Maybe I've beend praying "but..." prayers. I'll have to think about that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Humble View Post
You and your husband will be in my thoughts today. Please hang in there.
It would make me very happy to know I am in your prayers today. Sometimes "the next right thing, however insignificant" and "the thing you can do for the person in need near you" is pray.

I hope you have a good day, that something or somebody blesses you and reminds you that life, all by itself, is pretty cool.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-24-2011, 07:02 AM
 
Location: Soon to change
29 posts, read 35,129 times
Reputation: 26
Red face Sigh, I get it

It's the negativity. Even while trying to be positive the negativity just pours out. Even while being positive the negativity pours out.

Can somebody tell me what to do about this?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-24-2011, 12:36 PM
 
Location: Soon to change
29 posts, read 35,129 times
Reputation: 26
Unhappy Conversion not my intent

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Humble View Post
The problem is, when the strong one falls. When the one that others rely on because of temperament, age, sex, etc, after hanging out there for so long alone taking hit after hit, it doesn't occur to him to ask for help because this is what he does. Even if it does occur to him, he's too proud to reach out. And when those around him that genuinely do care for him finally notice that he's in trouble, when he's been treading water so long, so far out in the surf people begin to forget that that is not the natural state of things. When his head is the size of a pea, by the time they reach him it will be too late.
My point, though not well spoken, is that nobody's got it all figured out. And nowadays things change so fast it takes my breath away... If you feel out of your depth it's not because of a deficiency on your part, it just means you happen to be standing closer to the beach than others in the middle of a tsunami. There were others standing even closer than you, for sure. Some made it, some didn't.

Whether or not you or I make it depends on that old saw "sink or swim" (so glad at least some things don't change!). Plus a thousand other factors.

I never was a strong swimmer, but I always managed to get where I needed to go... Once I even saved someone else from drowning (in the surf, no less) when a non-swimmer under-estimated the depth of the water between the beach and a sand bar -- he was way bigger than me and panicking, so I dove down and grabbed his feet and put them on my shoulders then walked him the few remaining feet to the sand bar... Thank God the tide was going out, ' cause I sure wasn't walking him all the way back to the beach!

If the tide had been coming in it would have taken a professional life saver and maybe a sea-doo to get him back to safe ground. I've seen a therapist in the past (understatement) and taken meds (ditto). In the short term that may be your life saver, it's an option to try out. Personal experience has shown me that those are no more the ultimate answer than hiring a life guard to get you to and from the sand bar every time you go to the beach.

Meds, as a long-term thing can do some significant harm, just like any drug, just so you know. At the moment I'm using chamomile tea to good effect, plus one of the five meds for state-of-mind that I used to take (and thus no longer need the other drugs for my digestive system that the other four meds made necessary).

Why are some doing so well (or so we think) and some are fighting to stay alive? Some are farther from the deep water, some are stronger, some had a better start in life, better luck, I don't know. I just know that as I get older I seem to have to stay out of the surf. Right now I'm seeking higher ground, in more ways than one.

Don't stop yourself from asking for help if you need it -- professional life saver or friend.

Don't stop yourself from knowing that you have worth, value, strength, and sustainable ability. You did and you do. Tsunamis pass. Recovery happens. Some choose to remain by the beach, some move, some have no choice...

I take that back... There are almost always choices. We just do what we gotta do!

Going to God has given me shoulders to stand on before. I'm very much there now. Unlike me and the non-swimmer, I'm not worried about how long He can hold His breath.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-24-2011, 03:02 PM
 
Location: Soon to change
29 posts, read 35,129 times
Reputation: 26
Default Tsunamis do not discrimate

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Humble View Post
The problem is, when the strong one falls. When the one that others rely on because of temperament, age, sex, etc, after hanging out there for so long alone taking hit after hit, it doesn't occur to him to ask for help because this is what he does. Even if it does occur to him, he's too proud to reach out. And when those around him that genuinely do care for him finally notice that he's in trouble, when he's been treading water so long, so far out in the surf people begin to forget that that is not the natural state of things. When his head is the size of a pea, by the time they reach him it will be too late.
It's not that they aren't paying attention to you... it's that we're all in the same crisis. A wise therapist once suggested that I get closer to a person whose "got it all together" I envied. I did, to a degree. She was a wreck. On the outside she was all calm, inside her house all was chaos, her kids were freaked out, her husband distant. Since then I've seen it many times, lots of people look calm while all hell is going on in their lives... just like mine.

You are very, very much are NOT alone. As you said, Hang in there. Keep loving the people who don't appear to be aware of how very real your danger of drowning is... they probably need your love more than you know... more, even, than they may yet know.

I'm out of advice....

I could use a few encouraging words... anybody? Going under here. Yes.. no... maybe... seems like...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-24-2011, 11:44 PM
 
Location: Soon to change
29 posts, read 35,129 times
Reputation: 26
Default More than one way to skin a cat.. Or, what you don't know can hurt you!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Humble View Post
The problem is, when the strong one falls. When the one that others rely on because of temperament, age, sex, etc, after hanging out there for so long alone taking hit after hit, it doesn't occur to him to ask for help because this is what he does. Even if it does occur to him, he's too proud to reach out. And when those around him that genuinely do care for him finally notice that he's in trouble, when he's been treading water so long, so far out in the surf people begin to forget that that is not the natural state of things. When his head is the size of a pea, by the time they reach him it will be too late.
You might find this interesting.. I know I do.

New study finds that anxiety may originate in your gut, not in your head
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-09-2011, 10:04 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,164 posts, read 6,313,257 times
Reputation: 3564
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeepgirl27 View Post
Sometimes I cant do it alone..so I have to ask for help...it maybe me emotional support..
When my house burned down..My friends and family came thru I didnt aske for luxuries but things like blankets...just basic stuff..
The word got around of our situation..we lost everything in the house fire.people donated all kinds of household items to us...someone even donated a washer and dryer to us..The outpour that they community showed to us in our time of need was so amazing and loving..
I even had a lock smith guy make me a key for free for my car since..my purse was destroyed in the house fire..with my money and car keys..
People are truly beautiful...
I'm so sorry your house burned down. I'm glad that your family and friends came through and helped you!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-11-2011, 01:34 PM
 
Location: ...
3,948 posts, read 2,571,567 times
Reputation: 9084
Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
It's not easy to go through a crisis all alone! And it's worse when someone has been through one crisis after another and repeated losses!... Some people just aren't used to asking for help. And they worry about being a burden on others...Have you ever felt like this? Do you have a support network and emotional support? Or do you end up handling problems alone most of the time? Thanks.
I live alone and I am going through hard times. It is hard to do by yourself. I have faced many things alone. Surgery, broken leg, other things... like moving or day to day problems.

I have people I can call, but it isn't the same as having someone check up on me or be here in person. But I know I am not the only one. That does help but it is still very difficult.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-11-2011, 03:34 PM
 
5,234 posts, read 7,983,877 times
Reputation: 11402
Being alone and dealing with a sea of troubles is much more difficult. Have any of you tried other online support forums? I was on the Daily Strength forum, but found it unhelpful. The depression forum seemed to be the worst, with a lot of back biting and cliques. There are some nice people there, but it can be difficult finding the real ones. Sink or swim, or dog paddle till you feel you're drowning, that third one is me. And I'm damn tired of it. I hope things get better for the others here that need a positive change, it can sure be a long time coming, that I do know for sure.

Katrinika, my dad was on dialysis for 13 years, he was sick from the time I was 7, I know all about praying and being scared. The expect a miracle signs hung in our house, but no miracle happened. All I have had is more questions as I've grown up. When I see the world as it is, the scum basically running this world, and good people losing everything, it makes me wonder further. I've come to believe that God does nothing for us here. He may takes notes as to where we started and how we lived our lives, but I don't think he does anymore than that. That's just my opinion, everyone is welcome to their own, of course, and I'm not trying to tell anyone else what to believe. It just makes the most sense to me when I see and hear of the terrible things that happens in this world. I hope things get better for you both and he does rebound from all this. My dad was very brave about it all, he lived life one day at a time and still found humor and joy in the day. He was lucky he had my mom and I. I think if he had been alone, he would have had a far harder time coping with each new day. I will keep you both in my thoughts, best of luck. Todd

Last edited by todd00; 06-11-2011 at 03:49 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness > Mental Health
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:12 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top