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Old 05-17-2011, 02:44 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,164 posts, read 6,313,257 times
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It's not easy to go through a crisis all alone! And it's worse when someone has been through one crisis after another and repeated losses!... Some people just aren't used to asking for help. And they worry about being a burden on others...Have you ever felt like this? Do you have a support network and emotional support? Or do you end up handling problems alone most of the time? Thanks.
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Old 05-17-2011, 08:30 PM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
27,074 posts, read 11,844,907 times
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I never have had a strong network, as I do not trust easily....so deal with issues on my own, for the most part. The one time I did have a strong support was with women at a divorce support group.

Now that was amazing, we each understood EXACTLY what the rest were dealing with....5 yrs. later I am still friends with several of them.





Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
It's not easy to go through a crisis all alone! And it's worse when someone has been through one crisis after another and repeated losses!... Some people just aren't used to asking for help. And they worry about being a burden on others...Have you ever felt like this? Do you have a support network and emotional support? Or do you end up handling problems alone most of the time? Thanks.
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Old 05-18-2011, 08:23 AM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
10,172 posts, read 20,774,863 times
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I've always had to handle my challenges alone, be it big or small. On one hand it can take it's toll on you over time. On the other, you build a strength and resilience which can help you put the smaller things into perspective. When you've gone through some really horrible tragedies in life, I think it enables you to prioritize the rest of life's smaller challenges a little easier. After experiencing a tragic loss, you don't worry so much about things that most other people might lose sleep over.

All that being said, at some point it's nice to have someone who you can lean on from time to time. When you take hit after hit, you sometimes don't realize how far you're falling until you reach the bottom. Then you're faced with a new set of challenges trying to pick yourself back up.
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Old 05-18-2011, 09:24 PM
 
12,669 posts, read 20,441,574 times
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Maybe a support group would be a nice thing for you.
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Old 05-19-2011, 11:25 PM
 
14,767 posts, read 17,108,380 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
It's not easy to go through a crisis all alone! And it's worse when someone has been through one crisis after another and repeated losses!... Some people just aren't used to asking for help. And they worry about being a burden on others...Have you ever felt like this? Do you have a support network and emotional support? Or do you end up handling problems alone most of the time? Thanks.
Yes

In theory, I have a wonderful support network with a big family and a few genuine friends who deep down, I know would be there for me.

Unfortunately I have some problem with asking for help, I often bottle things up.

I do view it as being a burden on others, and often I am the one they come to with their issues -- so it feels foreign to me to acknowledge I don't have it all together all the time....(they often say in the midst of their issues "how do you keep things so together").

Something that set me back, was I did manage to confide in a person who I thought would be there for me -- but turns out they weren't necessarily the right person to confide in.....
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Old 05-20-2011, 08:43 AM
 
Location: colorado
2,788 posts, read 5,090,875 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
It's not easy to go through a crisis all alone! And it's worse when someone has been through one crisis after another and repeated losses!... Some people just aren't used to asking for help. And they worry about being a burden on others...Have you ever felt like this? Do you have a support network and emotional support? Or do you end up handling problems alone most of the time? Thanks.

Sometimes I cant do it alone..so I have to ask for help...it maybe me emotional support..
When my house burned down..My friends and family came thru I didnt aske for luxuries but things like blankets...just basic stuff..
The word got around of our situation..we lost everything in the house fire.people donated all kinds of household items to us...someone even donated a washer and dryer to us..The outpour that they community showed to us in our time of need was so amazing and loving..
I even had a lock smith guy make me a key for free for my car since..my purse was destroyed in the house fire..with my money and car keys..
People are truly beautiful...
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Old 05-22-2011, 07:21 AM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,516 posts, read 84,705,921 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
It's not easy to go through a crisis all alone! And it's worse when someone has been through one crisis after another and repeated losses!... Some people just aren't used to asking for help. And they worry about being a burden on others...Have you ever felt like this? Do you have a support network and emotional support? Or do you end up handling problems alone most of the time? Thanks.
I handle most things alone. I always feel as if asking for help with anything is shameful. I know it's not logical, but I think I should be able to handle things by myself.

I do not have a support network, emotional or otherwise. I had a mother who spent most of her life whining about how everyone did her wrong and leaning on her children for emotional support, and I won't do that to my daughter.

On the other hand, most of my friends have been people who needed ME to lean on when they had problems. I've weeded most of them out of my life now for my own mental health.

I did go to a therapist for a few years after I threw out my alkie husband. It was helpful, and because the therapist is detached and not someone who is looking for something from me, it helped me grow stronger.
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Old 05-22-2011, 04:09 PM
 
2,179 posts, read 3,403,196 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68 View Post
I've always had to handle my challenges alone, be it big or small. On one hand it can take it's toll on you over time. On the other, you build a strength and resilience which can help you put the smaller things into perspective. When you've gone through some really horrible tragedies in life, I think it enables you to prioritize the rest of life's smaller challenges a little easier. After experiencing a tragic loss, you don't worry so much about things that most other people might lose sleep over.

All that being said, at some point it's nice to have someone who you can lean on from time to time. When you take hit after hit, you sometimes don't realize how far you're falling until you reach the bottom. Then you're faced with a new set of challenges trying to pick yourself back up.
The problem is, when the strong one falls. When the one that others rely on because of temperament, age, sex, etc, after hanging out there for so long alone taking hit after hit, it doesn't occur to him to ask for help because this is what he does. Even if it does occur to him, he's too proud to reach out. And when those around him that genuinely do care for him finally notice that he's in trouble, when he's been treading water so long, so far out in the surf people begin to forget that that is not the natural state of things. When his head is the size of a pea, by the time they reach him it will be too late.
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Old 05-22-2011, 05:12 PM
 
Location: Soon to change
29 posts, read 35,129 times
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Thumbs up You're not out in the surf alone

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Humble View Post
when those around him that genuinely do care for him finally notice that he's in trouble, when he's been treading water so long, so far out in the surf people begin to forget that that is not the natural state of things. When his head is the size of a pea, by the time they reach him it will be too late.
People really hate to face it that the strong fall, too. It's crazy the resentment that blooms when you switch from being the go-to-for-a loan, shoulder, place to sleep, word of encouragement person and find yourself on the other side of the need-help coin... What's craziest is it's the ones who have the least to give yet never asked for help who are there when all the ones who took all the help they could get turn their shoulders. What's worse are the ones who have plenty, say they'll help, and then kick you for being down.

I hope you find somebody out here to hold onto.

The good news is you are who you are. That didn't change because your situation did.

I've been through way more than my share of dark situations and desperate days. One day I was thinking about some of the worst ones, and realized with some shock that in every single case when the dust settled I came out of the dark time in much better shape than I was in before the maelstrom hit.

My current hard times have lasted a very long time now... I'm not even sure I'll out-live them. But past experience tells me to just keep on doing the next right thing, however insignificant.

And pray. I could give you a number of examples where the most unlikely things happened to save the day right on the heels of a prayer. (Like when the surgeon told me my husband would be paraplegic for life and he walked out of the hospital a week later... For real, and that's just one.)

I know it feels like you are alone. Believe me, I know... my arms are tired, too. My best idea is to look around, because near you is someone more tired than you are and helping that person will take your mind off your own pain. If that person refuses your help, look for another. If you don't see someone in need, or you just can't stand to stay where you are, move on. But then look for someone else you can help. And pray.
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Old 05-22-2011, 06:46 PM
 
2,179 posts, read 3,403,196 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katrinika View Post
People really hate to face it that the strong fall, too. It's crazy the resentment that blooms when you switch from being the go-to-for-a loan, shoulder, place to sleep, word of encouragement person and find yourself on the other side of the need-help coin... What's craziest is it's the ones who have the least to give yet never asked for help who are there when all the ones who took all the help they could get turn their shoulders. What's worse are the ones who have plenty, say they'll help, and then kick you for being down.

I hope you find somebody out here to hold onto.

The good news is you are who you are. That didn't change because your situation did.

I've been through way more than my share of dark situations and desperate days. One day I was thinking about some of the worst ones, and realized with some shock that in every single case when the dust settled I came out of the dark time in much better shape than I was in before the maelstrom hit.

My current hard times have lasted a very long time now... I'm not even sure I'll out-live them. But past experience tells me to just keep on doing the next right thing, however insignificant.

And pray. I could give you a number of examples where the most unlikely things happened to save the day right on the heels of a prayer. (Like when the surgeon told me my husband would be paraplegic for life and he walked out of the hospital a week later... For real, and that's just one.)

I know it feels like you are alone. Believe me, I know... my arms are tired, too. My best idea is to look around, because near you is someone more tired than you are and helping that person will take your mind off your own pain. If that person refuses your help, look for another. If you don't see someone in need, or you just can't stand to stay where you are, move on. But then look for someone else you can help. And pray.
What can I say? I am touched. What a beautiful, helpful, generous response. One voice like yours can restore faith, and that's simply because there are people like you. I wish I could pray. I lost that somewhere along the way. I just end up feeling like I'm talking to myself. But I do look around, and I do find others that are in worse shape than I am, and I do reach out and help them when I can. I'm still pretty good at that. I just want to thank you for this. I wish I could thank you properly, but maybe I am. Very sweet.

Last edited by Mr. Humble; 05-22-2011 at 07:08 PM..
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