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Old 05-19-2011, 07:28 AM
 
2,682 posts, read 4,470,662 times
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I think it's starting to get the best of me.

I went to AA about 5 years ago for a few months, but I think at that time, I didn't really "get it." I get it now. My gf confronted me about it a few times and offered help. Two days ago she said something to me that made this decision final....she said that we are looking to have kids and a family in the next few years and I'll be the one to carry the baby (we are in a same sex relationship) and she has worries in her head about my ability to be a partner and a mother, especially am I able to not drink for 9 months. This hit me like a frieght train.

On top of this, I know drinking has been a negative thing for me. Anywho, I know AA, and I probably have to get myself to a meeting ASAP. I have two things that bother/scare me:

1) I'm sure it gets easier, but how does one deal with the "detox" period and the cravings that it will cause? How long can this period last? I've went through this before and I remember night sweats, paranoia, extreme anxiety and hyperactivity. What else to expect?

2) I've always had this I can do anything attitude and when it comes to my gf, I'm the one that takes over in stressful situations and solves problems. She has offered and I want to come to her for help, because obviously I will need it...how do I get over the ego part?

If anyone just wants to share their story that would be really helpful too. Thank you.
MODERATORS: I want to repost here, as I see the mental health forum doesn't have many visitors and I need to get some input. Thank you.
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Old 05-19-2011, 08:00 AM
 
Location: Las Flores, Orange County, CA
26,338 posts, read 93,537,811 times
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There are two medicines which help stop drinking: Naltrexone which sort of takes away the euphoria of alcohol and Campral which cuts down on the withdrawal.

Doesn't it feel good not to wake up with a hangover?

Here's a little game to play. Park outside a liquor store about 5PM and watch who walks in there. A lot of depressed, unhealthy looking people. You want to be like them? (People don't drink because they are depressed; they are depressed because they drink.)

AA has a certain connotation which a lot of people cannot accept and that is the idea that there is a higher power out there that is relevant to the equation. There probably is no higher power out there (just like there probably isn't a Santa Claus). Alcoholics just have different brain chemistry from non alcoholics.

Finally, at some point in your life you may be taking other medicines such as statins (Lipitor for cholesterol for example) which stress your liver. Drinking compounds this stress.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naltrexone

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Campral
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Old 05-19-2011, 08:29 AM
 
Location: southwest TN
8,568 posts, read 18,056,555 times
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Have you considered Women for Sobriety? It is a similar concept to AA but the focus is on....women. The support it offers women is slightly different.

I caution you before you start your detox: Without knowing how much you are drinking, alcohol detox is the only drug - YES DRUG - whose withdrawal can cause death. Generally, it is only when someone is a very heavy drinker are the symptoms severe enough.

Google: alcohol detox and there are abundant sites to provide you with detailed information. Here is a list of some symptoms experienced during a mild detox:
A person going through alcohol detox will experience many withdrawal symptoms. These symptoms can appear 6-48 hours after ceasing alcohol consumption. Mild withdrawal symptoms may include:
  • Shaking
  • Perspiration
  • Depression
  • Bad dreams
  • Headaches
  • Vomiting
  • Restlessness
  • Loss of appetite
  • Insomnia
I'm sure you've heard of DTs. If you have symptoms of the DTs, have your partner IMMEDIATELY get you to an emergency room.

Many times a doctor will prescribe a benzodiazepine to help with the shakes/tremors and will help you feel calmer. It can take as long as 2 weeks for your body to completely detox. Then you have the psychological withdrawal to contend with.

You mentioned an ego problem - Part of the concept of a higher power will combat just that. It's not so much an ego as it is a control issue. When you try to control everything and everyone around you, it's because you have no control over your self or over anyone/thing. Letting go of control is what will gain you control. It sounds like an oxymoron but it is not. Focus on getting healthy, mentally and physically.

Good luck to you.

Women for Sobriety, Inc.
"Women for Sobriety is not affiliated with Alcoholics Anonymous. Members of Women for Sobriety sometimes belong to AA. However, each organization has its individual purpose and should be kept separated."
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Old 05-19-2011, 08:45 AM
 
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Thanks everyone. I have heard about alcohol detox causing death. I don't think I've been drinking that much or for that long to cause this though.

What are DTs? I haven't heard of this.

I'll look into the Women for Sobriety, thanks for the link.

I kind of don't want to take drugs if I don't have to. I feel like I can do this on my own with the help of AA or similar and my gf.

I do remember the control that you talk about from past AA meetings.

I just feel that before I couldn't imagine my life without alcohol, now I see that I probably won't have one with it
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Old 05-19-2011, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Mostly in my head
19,855 posts, read 65,665,464 times
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Delirium Tremens, bad news for anyone. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001771/

I would talk to my GP first. When a family member quit, her doctor put her into the hospital for a week, to monitor her blood pressure which was high before she quit. She needed medical help at first but not long-term. Good luck! My neighbor now has more than 30 yrs sobriety.
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Old 05-20-2011, 11:23 AM
 
Location: The 719
17,930 posts, read 27,342,617 times
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I see a good round of comments here.

I would first at least take a look at A.A.s definition of the alcoholic, hard drinker, etc. It is my understanding and experience that the alcoholic has two symptoms; can't control the amount once you start... as you are drinking to fulfill a sort of internal and physiological craving, and secondly, you have the inability to stay stopped for any length of time. At some point in time, your mind tells you that you can drink two and stop... or you get the eff-its and just drink.

If you can keep yourself sober with meds, nice thoughts, group therapy, logical and rational exercises, religious conviction, love thy neighbor, etc... do it. But if none of that works for you... and you find you have both symptoms, A.A. has a program of action which is in the taking of the steps, which will/should dispell the desire to drink from you. It is spiritual in nature and it's an internal and practical exercise. It is about seeking God. But, here's where it differs from religion, which is man's quest for the Word of God... you get to invent and seek your own conception of this God. It has to make sense to you and you are called on to drop any prejudice or preconceived notions of this God. You're simply asked to be open-minded and be willing.

If you determine you're a "real" alcoholic (the A.A. book talks about real alcoholics) and you want to do something about it, aka quit for good and all, then you can make a decision, take responsibility for your sobriety, and ,if you're like me, find a sufficient substitute to booze to where you won't even want to drink booze again.

To me, A.A. is not about going to meetings and mimicking "head-nodding drooler" slogans like "Just don't drink", or "Keep coming back" or Let us love you till you kill yourself". It's a program of action and altruism.

I've not been to a meeting in over a week and have probably only been to 4 meetings in the last month. I miss meetings, even the "bad" MOTR meetings. Why? Because all in all, I like the people... sick as some of them are. I don't have to suffer fools and their sick doesn't wear off on me. I'm responsible for my recovery and I have something to offer and something to say. I'm not powerless over alcohol. Not today. I have Power. In A.A., I found Power. I do steps yearly. I do 1 through 9 from September to Thanksgiving and I spend the rest of the year in 10, 11, and 12.

Detox; I would imagine one of the best detoxes would be a three day stay in a hospital. I would stay away from treatment centers/rehabs, etc. Alcoholism is an industry and a lucrative one at that.

I disagree that alcohol is a drug and that alcoholism is an addiction... if you're an alcoholic. Alcohol is food and is fine for about 90% of our population. I've got nothing against booze. I don't like hanging out with drunks who don't want help. I love hanging with drunks who do. I've been sober for over 7 years and I say that's a miracle. I know that will offend a few, but oh well.

Sponsorship; I have a sponsor who denies that he's my sponsor. I did a set of steps with him over 7 years ago and I got sponsor-free. I've tried to sponsor people. Most people disappear on me when I say, "How's that inventory coming?"

Most people do not get sober in A.A. Most do not do the work, they go back to drinking, and some die.

If you can get sober some other way besides A.A., for God's sake, do it!

Higher Power; for you, a good starting point would be a Power greater than your spouse.
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Old 05-21-2011, 10:19 AM
 
Location: southwest TN
8,568 posts, read 18,056,555 times
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I'm glad you've found peace and sobriety from AA. Keep up the hard work and good for you for sponsoring others.

As for whether alcohol is a drug, it's a fact, not an opinion. It is a drug.

As for withdrawal/quitting, it's no different than an addiction to tobacco: there are 2 components: physical and psychological. Overcomiing both is necessary. I spent a lot of time working with women addicted to various drugs and the process is no different whether it's alcohol or heroin or smoking.

Again, good luck to both the OP and McGowdog on your journey.
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Old 05-22-2011, 12:31 PM
 
Location: The 719
17,930 posts, read 27,342,617 times
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Thank you. I have a lot of experience with alcohol and other addictions too.

Alcohol is first and foremost a food. It has caloric value and it provides the body with energy. It's stimulating to the brain and has quite a few positive aspects to it if used in moderation.

Now caffine and nicotine... those are tough to put down.

Some people say that technically, weed is not addictive. I'd say it's at very least psychologically addictive. It's hard to put down and walk away from even though, the payout is not that great. I used to smoke the stuff. The first hit was the best. Then two hours later, the effects are gone and you're left groggy. But something in you wants that initial effect, so you smoke more. But something inside of your body has changed and your body spends more time fighting off the intrusion... and you're left "stoned" with a greater come-down instead of the initial "high". Even though you know this at some psychological level, your body seeks more. Many other drugs are like this.

Booze is different for me. It works each and everytime I drink it. I seek a state of bliss and I get there... although that state may be just be for a millisecond before the next blackout. It is a progressive state for me too. Most heroin addicts get a shot of heroin and their craving goes away. Mine begins.

It's this state of consciousness that is achieved that makes the brain unable to forget. The question for me has to be, "Is there a sufficient substitute?" Of course there is, but it is drastic and paradoxical. For me, getting drunk was a spiritual journey of sorts. So there must be a spiritual solution.

A.A. was not just one of many things that was working for the drunk in its day. It was formed as the only real hope for alcoholic. Alkies have not changed. Booze has not changed. For guys like me, the solution will not change.

Oh, and btw, why would you send the OP, who's orientation is to other females, to a female run program? If anyone is safe in an A.A. environment, I'd think it would be her.
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Old 05-23-2011, 01:52 AM
 
Location: Hawaii
1,689 posts, read 4,290,289 times
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Important vitamins for withdrawal are thiamin and folic acid. They are the two main ones that are depleted while drinking. Go to the doc and have him prescribe you things for the withdrawal or the doc may insist you go to rehab. Either way you need to quit. You realize it and if you get pregnant and drink that's a crime against the child.

The heroine addicts that go on methadone to quench their cravings would be far better off beating it mentally.

Many people want to hold on to their pain. You need to let that go; the after effects of wanting are psychological and will stay as long as you want them to. Leave it ... life is better with out drugs; alcohol just happens to be a legal drug that hurts and maims our society.
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Old 05-23-2011, 05:42 AM
 
Location: SE Michigan
6,191 posts, read 18,113,143 times
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Hey katestar...another program you might look into is SMART Recovery - some people manage both AA and SMART together. In my experience it's vital to have a concrete plan of some sort in order to quit drinking or using. Simply wanting to isn't enough for most people...without a plan and support, very few people will stay sober.

SMART Recovery® | Self Help for Alcoholism & Addiction

Ditto on the B vitamins, this is quite important. It will also help with the sugar cravings

Also agree it is not a bad idea to talk to your doctor. A friend of mine - whose drinking had spiralled completely out of control - came very close to death last month. He was in hospital for two weeks, had terrible detox and DTs and liver damage. The doctors told his ex wife to be prepared that he "may not come out of this." He did, but it's nothing to mess around with.

Katestar and McGowdog and anyone else struggling with this, hugs and strength and all that.
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