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Old 07-02-2011, 12:16 PM
 
151 posts, read 611,830 times
Reputation: 118

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I am a 23 year old male with a full-time minimum wage job. I get depressed during the week especially when I come home in the evenings, but I become really depressed on the weekends and holidays. I don't have a social life as I don't have a car and depend on my grandfather for transportation, so it's hard for me to get out and meet people. I live on my own just outside of the city in which I live and stay at home a lot. I'm not very happy with where I am living. I think the atmosphere I'm in adds to the depression. But, that's not something I change right now as I am in a lease to live here at least another year.

On the weekends I find myself shopping online a lot. I am passionate about health and beauty products. I spend a lot of money on personal care, and find that it brings very little satisfaction to my life. Although, I think time and time again that it is the cure and will solve all my problems, but it never does.

Anyways, I am on a couple different medications for anxiety and depression. I think they're doing all they can do. I need to find a friend and someone I can reach out to. It's really hard for me to meet people, and I don't know where to go, and even if I did it would be hard for me to get there. I spend a lot of my time on dating sites, but have never found anyone who wants the same things as I do. Also, I am seeing a psychiatrist and therapist regularly.

What should I do to overcome the depressed and lonely feelings I encounter especially on the weekends and holidays? If you can, please offer your support. Thank you.
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Old 07-02-2011, 01:30 PM
 
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
2,190 posts, read 6,830,291 times
Reputation: 2076
You might consider joining some kind of support group although i know you say that transportation is a problem but probably one that can be solved in some way.
When i was in college (quite a few years ago) i was very lonely, depressed and confused and i couldn't find any people that i felt safe with, ie; that i could just relax and be myself with.
So i went to the college mental health center and found a group of people that were also having a difficult time for various reasons.
While i don't think it's good to solely identify / socialize with people who are overly wrapped up in their suffering, there is something to be said for having some people in your life who can understand what it's like to struggle with mental and emotional difficulties.
Also, i suggest that you be disciplined regarding your time on-line and limit it as much as possible.
The shopping for personal care products can become an addiction and a real financial problem for you and, as you know, is not ultimately fulfilling.
And imo, socializing on-line is giving people a pseudo sense of human connection while at the same time making it easier to avoid real human contact.
It's so abstract and ungrounding that, in my experience, while it can be a good distraction and a good time killer, it actually exacerbates depression and feelings of alienation and frustration.
So, you need to make some changes and grow into the person that you truly are.
Accepting the inner and outer limitations that you're dealing with now would be a good thing while realizing that change is inevitable and if you're committed to your own evolution you can find your way in this crazy world.
It takes time and you're still young.
Take care of your self and be kind to yourself.
Eating well and getting some daily exercise are two simple things to start with.
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Old 07-02-2011, 03:07 PM
 
151 posts, read 611,830 times
Reputation: 118
Thank you so much, jaijai! Your reply was so very real and thoughtful. I genuinely appreciate your response and I will use the advice you offered.
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Old 07-02-2011, 03:31 PM
 
Location: Military City, USA.
5,505 posts, read 6,420,536 times
Reputation: 16879
Minimum wage job. At 23, do you have enough experience doing what you are doing to find a similiar job, or a job in the same field, perhaps a step up, and get better pay, ie if you have server experience, can you move up or find another job as head server, host, assistant manager or manager, supply orderer? Same company or their competitor? Same business field, next level of business up (from cafe to big box restaurant to high end restaurant)? I hope you get my drift here in your employment.

At 23, have you made any, or even one, friend at work that you can confide in, or that you feel has the same values (good) as yourself? What about high school friends? It should be about 5 years since graduation, perhaps those you did not find friends then have matured or changed and you may find a friend or two among those you attended school with.

Transportation. OK, have you messed up and Grandfather won't let you use the vehicle, at least occassionally? Do you have a valid license? Can you pay your part of the auto insurance so he doesn't have to? Can you prove yourself a good driver to him by taking him on his errands on a weekend or your day off?

Can you bicycle to work? Being "green" is popular now, then you can stop in at a local Pub and Grill or Sports Grill for a soda or one drink after work and watch the game and take a look at the "clientele". Do this for awhile, daily or same day each week, and I'm sure you may find some others there that you could strike up a conversation with, since you will be a familiar face.

You have minimal income, DO NOT shop on line, or at all! If you have enough clean under shorts and t-shirts and socks for the week (you only need to do laundry once a week if you are single, except in extreme cases) and you have the basics for work (2-3 slacks, 4-5 shirts if you make it a point to keep them clean, and you change out of them after work into your jeans) and you have 2-3 pairs of jeans and 5 shirts/tops, you shouldn't need any more until you start making more "disposable" income. Make managing your money a priority, if you don't need it, don't buy it! If you buy it (NOT ONLINE), save the receipt, then if and when you realize you don't need it, return it. Get the money back and place it in an envelope (since it was already spent, consider it gone).Do this for 12 months. You will be greatly surprised at how much you will accumulate in one year! I have done this for years, and the amount of wasted money is unreal. Refunds, rebates, bottle returns, found coins, it all goes into this envelope and adds to your "forced savings" as I call it.

I am going through a really rough time right now, and I find the Mental Health Board and the Christianity Board at City-Data are lifesavers. I also "subscribe" to other, more fun boards, but I make sure I utilize the first two daily as they really help my mental state, which is not good right now.

God Bless You, and I will follow this thread to see how you are doing.
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Old 07-02-2011, 03:53 PM
 
151 posts, read 611,830 times
Reputation: 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by Michigan Transplant View Post
Minimum wage job. At 23, do you have enough experience doing what you are doing to find a similiar job, or a job in the same field, perhaps a step up, and get better pay, ie if you have server experience, can you move up or find another job as head server, host, assistant manager or manager, supply orderer? Same company or their competitor? Same business field, next level of business up (from cafe to big box restaurant to high end restaurant)? I hope you get my drift here in your employment.

At 23, have you made any, or even one, friend at work that you can confide in, or that you feel has the same values (good) as yourself? What about high school friends? It should be about 5 years since graduation, perhaps those you did not find friends then have matured or changed and you may find a friend or two among those you attended school with.

Transportation. OK, have you messed up and Grandfather won't let you use the vehicle, at least occassionally? Do you have a valid license? Can you pay your part of the auto insurance so he doesn't have to? Can you prove yourself a good driver to him by taking him on his errands on a weekend or your day off?

Can you bicycle to work? Being "green" is popular now, then you can stop in at a local Pub and Grill or Sports Grill for a soda or one drink after work and watch the game and take a look at the "clientele". Do this for awhile, daily or same day each week, and I'm sure you may find some others there that you could strike up a conversation with, since you will be a familiar face.

You have minimal income, DO NOT shop on line, or at all! If you have enough clean under shorts and t-shirts and socks for the week (you only need to do laundry once a week if you are single, except in extreme cases) and you have the basics for work (2-3 slacks, 4-5 shirts if you make it a point to keep them clean, and you change out of them after work into your jeans) and you have 2-3 pairs of jeans and 5 shirts/tops, you shouldn't need any more until you start making more "disposable" income. Make managing your money a priority, if you don't need it, don't buy it! If you buy it (NOT ONLINE), save the receipt, then if and when you realize you don't need it, return it. Get the money back and place it in an envelope (since it was already spent, consider it gone).Do this for 12 months. You will be greatly surprised at how much you will accumulate in one year! I have done this for years, and the amount of wasted money is unreal. Refunds, rebates, bottle returns, found coins, it all goes into this envelope and adds to your "forced savings" as I call it.

I am going through a really rough time right now, and I find the Mental Health Board and the Christianity Board at City-Data are lifesavers. I also "subscribe" to other, more fun boards, but I make sure I utilize the first two daily as they really help my mental state, which is not good right now.

God Bless You, and I will follow this thread to see how you are doing.
Wow! I'm blown away by how caring and advocating your reply is! Thank you!

I am a front desk assistant for a local advertising company. I make $7.50 an hour. For the longest period of time (more than a year) I was out of work and could not find a job. I just started working for this company about a month ago. I was very lucky to get the job and I am a full-time employee with benefits, so I am not looking for anything else at this time. With that said, I do value an education and next Spring plan on attending a local college. I have not been ready for additional schooling until recently. I was so concentrated on just finding work that I didn't even consider going back to school.

The whole reason why my grandfather takes me here, there and everywhere is because I never learned to drive. I waited until I felt like it was too late, and things just really reinforced themselves as I grew older. It became more difficult to get around and I still do depend on transportation from my grandfather. I know it's time to learn. I've just been rather unmotivated.

I like to shop online because it is more of an enjoyable experience and I can find better deals. I do not like to pay the retail price for anything I buy so shopping online has always been a more convenient and just easier way of finding food, clothes, personal care items, etc. at a good price. I like the envelope idea. I think that would benefit me a lot right now. I tend to spend all of my money within 3 to 4 days after receiving it and then I am left pinching for another week and a half until my next pay check. Everything I buy I feel as though I need or will use.

The mental health board has been a great resource for me too. There seem to be a lot of caring people on here who are eager to help. I appreciate your response. I hope things get better for you as well. Take care.
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Old 07-02-2011, 06:31 PM
 
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
2,190 posts, read 6,830,291 times
Reputation: 2076
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sophisticated Lifestyles View Post
Thank you so much, jaijai! Your reply was so very real and thoughtful. I genuinely appreciate your response and I will use the advice you offered.
You're welcome.
You sound like a good soul and, like i said, it takes time to find out who you are and how to fulfill your essential needs ... note: i said essential.
When you're shopping on-line, keep that in mind.
Although treating yourself to beauty and health products is a good thing to do for yourself, you might wanna try being a bit more conservative with that kind of spending.
I like Michigan Transplant's idea of riding a bike to your destinations.
If you're not ready to drive a car yet, having at least some transportation freedom might be very empowering and maybe even fun.
And being outside and getting some exercise will help with the depression.
(wear a helmet )
And remember, it's easier to go through changes when you're young.
The main trouble with aging (which you're nowhere close to although time tends to fly by faster and faster the older you get) is that people often get stuck in habitual patterns and their ideas about who they are and what they are capable of become more and more rigid and limited.
Avoid that scenario beginning now.
And no matter what you do, be good and kind and loving to and accepting of yourself.
It's taken me years to get that and practice it.
Love is the most healing "thing" there is.
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Old 07-03-2011, 12:56 PM
 
1,619 posts, read 2,034,835 times
Reputation: 693
You know what is great? Volunteering. Not only does it help other people, but it gets you into situations that you normally would not be in and you meet all of hese other people who are compassionate and caring. I am not exactly sure where you live, so don't know about the transportation issue, but once you meet and mingle, you can carpol to events.

I think that part of the spending money and being on line is boredom, so if you can fill up your day a little more and interact with others, that might help you. It makes others reliant on you and really gives you a reason to get out there. YOu would be amazed how much people think they aren't any good and no one would accept them so they don't even bother volunteering. But, let me tell you that I find people so grateful and find that they really look at the person and what they are willing to put into helping others, that the rest seems to fall to the side.

What are you interested in? Fitness and health? There are specific keywords you can highlight and they will notify you if something comes up in your area. I teach so I like to work with kdis and do kid events, but also anything to do with anything else that sounds fun. I volunteer at soup kitchens and AIDS/HIV related events and not only is it fun, but I get to do things I would not normally be invited to (becasse I am not part of those groups in a typical setting) and feel good about helping. It gets me out and interactive and you never know who you'll meet. It is a new setting, so no one really knows you and it is like starting fresh.

Also, join something like meetup.com. You can sign up for groups to join and attend events that are good for your interests. If you are already in town for work, you can do some things while you are still out. Your job is great to have, but save some money up and research some free events. Even if you go on your own, it could be fun. Sometimes, I like to just walk around the zoo or the park. If I lived closer to the zoo I would buy a year pass and go almost every night just to walk. Grandpa is already helping you, so maybe you can plan some kind of schedule and I am sure he would pick you up and drop you at some other places.

Good luck!!!
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Old 07-03-2011, 02:01 PM
HDL
 
Location: Seek Jesus while He can still be found!
3,216 posts, read 6,767,917 times
Reputation: 8662
Thumbs up Wow!!!!

Finally a thread where there are POSITIVE responses !

Amazing !!! Keep up the good work and advice please !

<just passing thru...now on my way to pass out some rep cookies >
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