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Old 07-02-2011, 11:08 PM
 
8 posts, read 10,166 times
Reputation: 15

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Just everything about them was so miserable? You try to talk to them and they are just so cold? How do you deal? I have this sis in law and she is the most miserable person I have ever known. I know she has been depressed since she lost her job but she takes her anger and frustration out on everyone else,acts like a rude *****, is a homebody, doesn't make an effort to look for work and refuses to go to therapy. How do you deal with a person like this when you always have to see them?
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Old 07-03-2011, 12:27 AM
 
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
2,190 posts, read 6,829,619 times
Reputation: 2076
Accept her for who she is, don't try and change her (that's up to her) but have very good and clear boundaries.
And make it clear to her that you will not tolerate her taking out her stuff on you.If everyone in her life takes care of themselves and doesn't allow her to dump on them, that may be motivation enough for her to change her ways.
If not, at least everyone around her is taking care of him and her self.
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Old 07-03-2011, 12:33 AM
 
Location: Las Flores, Orange County, CA
26,338 posts, read 93,427,408 times
Reputation: 17827
What do you mean by "had to deal with"? Other than your kids, there aren't too many people you "have" to deal with. Life is too short to deal with people who make you upset that you you don't "have" to deal with.
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Old 07-03-2011, 04:08 AM
 
Location: Colorado
20 posts, read 232,442 times
Reputation: 29
Default Ignor[ing] is bliss

Ignore this person as much as you can. Do not give her the time of day if you don't have to. The commenter (sorry I don't recall your username) who advised that you don't actually "have" to deal with many people has a very good point I agree with.

I understand that it may be a bit more delicate a situation for you than it seems to be for me. I now have brothers and sisters in law, but they are fantastic. Don't waste your time and bring yourself down by being around people you can't stand -- unless you're doing it "for the lulz" as the phrase goes.

Even mentally ill people can learn to change their behavior. Do not encourage her bad behavior in any way you can avoid. If you can safely suggest she get therapy why not do it? A person who is depressed and being miserable may not realize there is anything she can do to change her situation. I do not blame her for her depression, but it doesn't have to be a claim on you.
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Old 07-03-2011, 03:20 PM
 
Location: Charlotte county, Florida
4,196 posts, read 6,384,292 times
Reputation: 12287
My Grandfather was the nastiest people I have ever known.
I cant even begin to describe the **** he put us through and I did have to deal with him.

I cant say I shed a tear when he left us, but i'm not sorry I had the chance to spend the last years of his life caring for him.
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Old 07-04-2011, 01:37 AM
 
5,238 posts, read 7,951,293 times
Reputation: 11402
Have you ever tried to talk to her about the problems going on now? Depression can make one angry and produce a mound of frustration as well. She may have had a bad experience with a Psychologist or Shrink and just doesn't feel it will help now. Finding the right therapist can produce frustrations as well. It is difficult looking for another job when depressed, ones self esteem is usually low and its hard for many to fake confidence. There is really nothing wrong with being a homebody, and if she is depressed she may not feel in the mood to party and have people around she feels don't understand. If she is just a cold, nasty person by nature and you have made an effort in the past to be kind, do your best to limit the amount of time you have to be around her.
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Old 07-04-2011, 04:40 PM
 
220 posts, read 545,873 times
Reputation: 77
Does she have good insurance through her husband's job? If she is unemployed she might not have good insurance or might not be able to afford counseling. Of course that isn't an excuse for her to mistreat you...
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Old 07-04-2011, 05:54 PM
 
13,513 posts, read 19,191,561 times
Reputation: 16577
If you have to see her....just go to do what you have to do...smile, let her do the talking....just listen...finish up, and high tail it outta there.
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Old 07-05-2011, 11:24 AM
 
Location: Northern California
970 posts, read 2,203,522 times
Reputation: 1400
She will continue to stay miserable until she decides to change. You can't do anything about it and if she is being nasty to you then limit the time you spend together.
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Old 07-06-2011, 12:23 PM
 
13,513 posts, read 19,191,561 times
Reputation: 16577
The main thing is she's a homebody, so she can't be a miserable B to anyone... unless they come to her.
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