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My parents are in their 50s and they still come from a generation when you had children by tradition not because you really wanted them. They couldn't care less.
I've left 3 math classes but like I said, it was all crap now, it won't matter in a few days.
I'm in my fifties too hun--and I always felt that I had a choice on whether to have children and several of my friends chose not to--we had birth control in those days you know. I don't believe that your folks don't care about you but I can believe that they might be clueless. If you're going to kill yourself anyway, why not go talk to them--one last talk before you go. Tell them how hard this is for you--share with them about what I said about engineering being for a very specific type of thinker. Honestly if I had tried to stick it out with engineering I'd be thinking the same thoughts you are now, so I'm really glad that I got out--the paycheck would not have been worth the misery. But go talk to them--what have you got to lose at this point? The worst that will probably happen is that mom will back you up and dad will still insist--but remember this--he can't make you do this. He can cut you off financially, but you're a man (I assume) and are smart enough to support yourself.
I have one more suggestion too: since it's all over for you, I see no point in your attending any more classes. Spend your last few days out in the woods. Either go take a camping trip by yourself, or if that's too much, just get out and hike every day. Run howling through the woods!
I'm getting everything together, the letters, my belongings, etc. And seeing how my finances are so I can leave some money for the coffin. It won't be enough, not even near but at least I'll pay for something.
I'm getting everything together, the letters, my belongings, etc. And seeing how my finances are so I can leave some money for the coffin. It won't be enough, not even near but at least I'll pay for something.
Mr. Kloten I really, really wish you wouldn't. Or at least I wish you would procrastinate on this. Go talk to your folks. I will be off the internet so I won't be able to check in for a few days so I'm not abrasively dropping you here but I don't think there's much more I can say anyway except, Please don't. Life truly is a precious gift and you'll be tearing a hole in the fabric of the universe for many more people than you realize.
I'm getting everything together, the letters, my belongings, etc. And seeing how my finances are so I can leave some money for the coffin. It won't be enough, not even near but at least I'll pay for something.
Hmm, and just why do you care so much about getting everything in order? People who commit suicide don't often do that sort of thing.
Is it because you don't want anyone to think less of you? I'm sure mourners are going to say, "It's a shame he took his own life but what a great guy to put all his affairs in order before he did it." What do you care what others think? You'll be gone. You'll have to face bigger questions about ending your life and to Someone who will really judge you.
So what if your parents had you because it was tradition and they couldn't care less about you, why should you care whether they will "go mad," as you said? Is that intent? To hurt them because you say they didn't want you? Get over it. Do you think you're the only person who had parents who didn't care about them? Oh, please! You're a grown man now. Live your life for yourself and not because you want the approval from people who can't give it. Parents are the greatest blessings and our worst nightmares, sometimes.
If you don't like school ... QUIT! No one says you have to stay in an academic program that is giving you grief. Find something that makes you happy. The fact that you are in an engineering program indicates you are an intelligent person and your "feelings" of despair might be clinical in nature. Maybe it's something as simple as being deficient in Vitamin D. A lot of people are and don't even know it. That, in and of itself, causes
clouded thinking.
The fact that you come here to declare your intent is indicative of someone who doesn't really want to die but rather wants the pain to go away. People who have made the decision to end their life don't tell others. They just do it. If you are still unsure about your decision, do something about it. With the relatively high suicide rate in this country, there are plenty of agencies and resources available. Do you want help? Or, are you just here to tell everyone how bad your life in order to garner sympathy?
You are incredibly selfish, in my opinion. People on this thread have offered you suggestions of help but you seem to brush them aside and are hell bent on coming back here to cause them concern by giving them a blow by blow of how your plans are going. Seriously? How incredibly cruel of you for doing that.
So, if you're decision has been made, don't worry about getting your affairs in order. The people left behind will take care of everything. Why put yourself through all the work to accomplish that? Your permanent solution to a temporary circumstance is ridiculous but if that's what you've decided to do, no one here has the ability to stop you. All you're doing here is making people here feel bad for you.
I get it. You're in pain. You want to cope. You don't want stress in school or in life. Well, guess what? So do a lot of us. Life doesn't work that way. It's full of ups and downs, bad times and good times. You learn to enjoy the good times while they are here because surely as the sun rises and sets, bad times are waiting in the wings.
The only reason I came back to this thread is because the system automatically subscribed to it. I am going to remove it now because I'm finished with this thread. I care about others, like you, who are in pain. But, there's only so much a person on a public forum can do. I hope you find out soon that your life has meaning and purpose and you discover that before it's too late.
After what I went through to be where I am, I couldn't just leave it, my parents would go mad. But this won't last much longer, so it doesn't mastter anymore now. There's already a date and a time, I just need one more piece of equipment to do it.
University is the main problem but not the only one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Kloten
My parents are in their 50s and they still come from a generation when you had children by tradition not because you really wanted them. They couldn't care less.
I've left 3 math classes but like I said, it was all crap now, it won't matter in a few days.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Kloten
I'm getting everything together, the letters, my belongings, etc. And seeing how my finances are so I can leave some money for the coffin. It won't be enough, not even near but at least I'll pay for something.
You sound hurt and angry at your parents, and you may have every right to be. But if you're serious about committing suicide, you are seeking a permanent solution to a temporary problem. There are less drastic means of changing your situation. You could quit school tomorrow and your university worries would be over. You could move cross country tomorrow and not tell your parents where you were going and your parental problems would be over. How old are you? There's no telling what fun, what joy, what satisfaction, waits for you just around the corner. But you'll never know if you don't get there.
Although you think it's your situation that is causing you so much misery, it's really the illness of depression. It's miserable, but it's treatable. Many people have been where you are but have been able, with treatment, to find meaning and feel joy in life. I encourage you to hang on a while. Change whatever it is that you're hating right now, but don't give up on hope or the future.
I'm getting everything together, the letters, my belongings, etc. And seeing how my finances are so I can leave some money for the coffin. It won't be enough, not even near but at least I'll pay for something.
Life is bigger and more precious than the rough moments that you are experiencing at this moment in time. There are wonderful things that are waiting for you on the other side of the "right now". You are going to look back at this period in your life and be glad that you had the strength to endure and survive. We have ALL been though something...broken hearts, trouble in school, financial issues, parent issues, spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend issues, not getting what you think you deserve in life, etc, etc. No one's life is perfection. NO ONE. The perfect mate on your arm, perfect grades, pleasing your parents, $$$...you have to recognize that achieving none of those things will give you a life of perfection. Its INSIDE OF YOU. "You" are the only thing that will make you happy...and you will. Trust "you". Have faith in "you".
You matter. No one is here on this planet strictly on accident. You are here on this earth for a specific purpose.
Wait, Mr. Kloten, you are 39 and your parents are in their fifties??
Exactly.
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You're a grown man now. Live your life for yourself and not because you want the approval from people who can't give it. Parents are the greatest blessings and our worst nightmares, sometimes.
