Do you ever take someone else's depression personally? (depressed, medication, deal)

[mistygrl092]

I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I am. Everytime I talk to my mother she sounds down and talks about death and it's starting to both depress me (more than I am) plus I'm starting to think she just does not want to hear from me.

I've offered to visit her at least three times now in a few weeks and she keeps telling me not to - it's not a good time. So what do I do? I know intellectually it's not about me when someone is depressed, but when your mother almost sounds disappointed it's you that is calling, it's hard not to take it personally.

Anyway, I am wondering if anyone else feels this way when dealing with a depressed person. I think most people's inclination would be to just not call as much or back off, yet that is probably not the best thing to do when dealing with a depressed person. Still, I think most people are only going to make the effort so long before they do just start to back off or get demoralized themself.

I spent at least two hours last night trying to find a new drug for her to take that would work with her other medications, but what she's on looks like the only thing that will work in terms of her Medicare part D and with drug interactions. I feel so helpless and don't know what else I can do. Truth is there is probably nothing I can do. I know my brother feels the same frustration, as he invites her up to his lake place and she always says no or finds reasons not to go to his house. She also is unhappy and irritated when her grandkids visit or when they bring their children to visit. I tell her how lucky she is that she has people who want to see her and remind her of all the old lonely people in nursing homes, but it doesn't seem to make a dent.

So what do you do with family members or friends who are depressed? How do you handle it and do you start to take it personally at some point?

[haggardhouseelf]

You'll come to a point, most likely, where you'll be able to love your mom but also realize that she needs to help herself. There's nothing you can do.

Let her know in various ways that you care for her, but let her deal with her own problems. Send her flowers, leave surprise gifts at her door, write her a letter, whatever you feel like doing that she might enjoy. But let her fight her own demons, and don't allow her demons to intrude upon your life. You can listen, you can be a shoulder, but keep your opinions and thoughts and suggestions to yourself unless she directly and specifically asks you for those things or for help.

If your mother loves you, she'll want you to have a full and happy life. She won't want you worrying about her problems. Mom's - I'm a mom - just need to know their kids are happy and healthy and to feel loved by their children. We don't want our kids taking on our challenges for us. Most of us don't, anyway.

[Tallysmom]

Originally Posted by mistygrl092

I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I am. Everytime I talk to my mother she sounds down and talks about death and it's starting to both depress me (more than I am) plus I'm starting to think she just does not want to hear from me.

I've offered to visit her at least three times now in a few weeks and she keeps telling me not to - it's not a good time. So what do I do? I know intellectually it's not about me when someone is depressed, but when your mother almost sounds disappointed it's you that is calling, it's hard not to take it personally.

Anyway, I am wondering if anyone else feels this way when dealing with a depressed person. I think most people's inclination would be to just not call as much or back off, yet that is probably not the best thing to do when dealing with a depressed person. Still, I think most people are only going to make the effort so long before they do just start to back off or get demoralized themself.

I spent at least two hours last night trying to find a new drug for her to take that would work with her other medications, but what she's on looks like the only thing that will work in terms of her Medicare part D and with drug interactions. I feel so helpless and don't know what else I can do. Truth is there is probably nothing I can do. I know my brother feels the same frustration, as he invites her up to his lake place and she always says no or finds reasons not to go to his house. She also is unhappy and irritated when her grandkids visit or when they bring their children to visit. I tell her how lucky she is that she has people who want to see her and remind her of all the old lonely people in nursing homes, but it doesn't seem to make a dent.

So what do you do with family members or friends who are depressed? How do you handle it and do you start to take it personally at some point?

Misty -- years back my husband went through a depression.... and this woman's books really helped me a ton...

Depression Fallout by Anne Sheffield