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Hi, I am from Montenegro. Thats a very poor and small 3rd world developing country in eastern Europe.
For my whole life I have had dreams about moving to some developed european country or USA and I worked a lot toward that in the past 3-4 years. I always wanted to be above average in my country and i studied a lot and learned foreign languages so I could move easier to some developed country. I never felt comfortable living in my home country and I was very frustrated with the current situation and montenegrin life style(which was so much more different than mine). I am very ambitious and goal oriented and hard working and my qualities are not of value here at all. We have some different rules here of what is appreciated.
And last year I finally found a way to come to the states and I spent wonderful 5 months working and living there legally. My english became much better and I found myself being very adapted and comfortable with myself over there.
After that, I came back to my home country with some plans how to get back to the states(to do a 1 year internship), but my plan failed and now I am trapped here. I am trying to figure out something else, but there isnt so much to do right now.
I cant stop thinking about my time over there(USA) and how my life was so good and how I enjoyed my work and life style and all the benefits I had with living in developed country. I am having a really hard time trying to minimize a gap between my life before and my current situation, which is really frustrating. Its just so hard to life this life again and not being able to use my qualities to improve my life like I had over there.
I really dont know hot to handle that, because every day I think about how it would be if I am in the states and how my life is miserable here comparing to the one I had there.
Again I feel co uncomfortable in this small and conservative society that suppress liberal and modern way of life. I feel like I am one of those free, and smart people who have a lot of potential to do a lot of things in their lives, but I am unable to do any of that because I am stuck here with very limited resources. I dont have a job(I have a degree in marketing/communication, I am 23) and I feel sick when I think of working again for like 2$ per hour, and I worked for 15.
They say that people face a culture shock when they travel abroad, but I felt that when i came back to my home country. When I came to the states I felt like I belong there, like I was supposed to be born there, not in Montenegro.
So is there anybody else who is dealing with this kind of problem? My mind is still 5500 miles away from my body. I cant focus and get myself together and find a peace of mind here.
How to deal with this? Anybody dealt with this before? I would highly appreciate every advice about this!
I am very aware about the situation over there, but still, it will always be much better than here where I live. I lived much better on my own and paid my bills and saved up. I feel like I made one step up by being able to live and work in a developed country, and 2 steps back my feeling much worse about my life here now and memories of being there and how nicer I would be living if I am there. Its just a huge gap and difference.
Oh yes ... i know how it feels to be in body in one place but with my mind and heart in another place.
It's very, very discouraging and frustrating and even disorienting.
But you need to be where you are as fully as possible so that you can discover what your next step into the future will be.
If you're not truly present it's difficult to find your way.
I know that it's easier said than done however.
So be in Montenegro for now, be patient and have faith and put all of your energy into finding a way to get back here.
Can you get back to the U.S.A.?
Is it feasible?
Thanks for your post @jaijai.
Yes, thats exactly what I was talking about, body in one, and mind and heart in another place. And my gf is also over there(shes american), and we are having a long distance relationship, for over a year, and that makes things even harder. Shes still in college so we are trying to figure out what to do, but this whole thing with me needed a visa makes things a lot complicated that they should be.
So thats one more reason why I am having troubles being fully here with my mind, I feel if I stop thinking about over there i would lose her and give up on my dream about coming there.
I was even thinking about going to the therapist and getting some professional help but here all of that is way too limited and not appropriate. I am putting a lot of energy into the Universe and keeping my faith but its exhausting, and i am here now for almost a year.
I am still trying to figure out how to get back over there, but there are no options right now and its too expensive for me to go to college there. But I do hope a lot that something will come up soon.
Oh that's interesting.
I've been in a similar situation where a relationship (and it was a long distance one for me too) and a place i desperately wanted to be in were totally intertwined and it was really difficult.
And i couldn't separate the two and i didn't have enough objectivity to see clearly whether or not i'd even want to be in that place or with that person if one existed without the other.
But i didn't want to let either go because if i did, i'd lose the other.
If he and i broke up, there would be nothing connecting me to the place that i loved and i feared that if i let the place go, not only would i lose that but i'd lose the relationship too.
It drove me nuts.
These two aspects of life (relationship and sense of place) are so essential and when they are both interrelated and also precarious it gets you at your core and it can be quite "crazy-making" and the worry and grasping is definitely exhausting.
The fear of losing both relationship and place was overwhelming for me.
I would say that you should try to create something new in your life that allows both your desire and attraction for the US and your reactions to your homeland to be acceptable and accepted.
Whether it's a business venture, some art or music, a service project.... It will help you move forward with both experiences rather than long for some time in the past and loathe the present.
This sense of displacement shows up in art, movies, and literature as well, which may help you feel less "alone." The story of Lawrence of Arabia is one that comes to mind.
I would say that you should try to create something new in your life that allows both your desire and attraction for the US and your reactions to your homeland to be acceptable and accepted.
Whether it's a business venture, some art or music, a service project.... It will help you move forward with both experiences rather than long for some time in the past and loathe the present.
This sense of displacement shows up in art, movies, and literature as well, which may help you feel less "alone." The story of Lawrence of Arabia is one that comes to mind.
Best wishes!
I am volunteering at American Corner in my city. I met some american people there who are Fullbright scholars so we do some local projects and hang out around.
I am trying to make myself more comfortable because I will be stuck here at least until summer so I hope I will be able to enjoy some things here until then and be constructive in the mean time.
Pedja, the research I did on Montenego states it's actually a hidden european gem. How much is our american dollar worth to yours over there? Is it that your heart is here in America because of a girlfriend being here? What part of the USA did you visit? Even our country isn't what it use to be.
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