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I'm so tired of this life. I'm tired of having to deal with a boyfriend who although loving in caring is also lazy and a mothers boy. His mother drags everyone around her down, by her unending need for money. She doesn't bother to pay her bills on time, yet she can pull out 20$ to eat out or to eat fast food three times a day. My boyfriend holds a joint bank account with her, drives a car that is owned by her, is on her car insurance policy, is on her cell phone plan, lives in a house that was willed to her (although it belongs to medicaid/the bank).
Anytime she has issues she is his go-to person. Need money, need something fixed? Go right to her son!
I've implored him to get his own bank account, to part from her cell phone plan and go for a cheaper pre-paid phone option, to find his own car insurance and most importantly to move out of this house.
I'm so tired of having to be the only one who plans, the only one who puts money back into savings. I'm tired I am so tired. My anxiety is coming back, I have Panic Disorder but haven't suffered a full on attack for near 6 years, but that's all falling apart in the 3 years I've been living with him. I've lost weight, I'm down to 100lbs now. For a period of time I had night terrors and now at times I will wake up at night feeling in a state of panic/terror. I feel out of energy, I feel cranky and unhappy with life. On top of it all I am homesick.
His mother is not going to ruin our plans to move, she is not going to ruin this. I don't care if I have to move back home without him, maybe that would be the best thing in my life.
Ok, I read the backstory. It sounds like its an ever repeating set of circumstances.
It's long overdue that you take a good hard look at your relationship with your bf. He is co-dependent with his mother, and does not appear willing to break that bond. The bond between his mother and him is far, far stronger than his relationship with you. Do you always want to be second in his life? Because that's all you'll ever be---second. You will never be the primary relationship in his life. All you are is someone to help bail the both of them out of never-ending situations.
I can't answer for you, but is this truly what you want for your life? Do you really think that you deserve this, or do you think you deserve better?
So mama has a joint account with her son...he drives HER car...is on HER phone plan....and lives in HER house....She SHOULD go to him when she needs something...he's certainly using her for his needs.....it's not his mother that is "ruining" your plans to move....it's HIM!....Your anxiety probably stems from the fact that you can't compare to mama for a mama's boy....
So mama has a joint account with her son...he drives HER car...is on HER phone plan....and lives in HER house....She SHOULD go to him when she needs something...he's certainly using her for his needs.....it's not his mother that is "ruining" your plans to move....it's HIM!....Your anxiety probably stems from the fact that you can't compare to mama for a mama's boy....
The problem is they both use each other. She calls anytime she needs help and just expects him to pay or provide in some manner. It's stressful as anytime his phone rings I wonder just what she wants this time.
I place blame on the both of them for depending on others to fix their mistakes instead of having the responsibility and foresight to handle things on their own. With him though, I would expect him to listen to me more and consider my feelings. I'm terribly stressed, losing weight and grouchy. You'd think he'd be sympathetic, but his answer is that I'm doing this to myself. He even goes as far as to say I enjoy this and I like to start "drama". Why the hell would I enjoy any of this? How can he be so callous?
How old is he? It's one thing for family to help one another out, it's another to be afraid of cutting the apron strings and pampering indefinitely.
What you need to do if find something constructive to occupy your time so that your anxiety doesn't get the best of you. With or without him, you need to take care of yourself first.
Then you need to establish some boundaries and responsibilities that each of you will adhere to with mutual goals and interests in mind. Talk it out in a civilized manner and try to reach some sort of agreement.
How old is he? It's one thing for family to help one another out, it's another to be afraid of cutting the apron strings and pampering indefinitely.
What you need to do if find something constructive to occupy your time so that your anxiety doesn't get the best of you. With or without him, you need to take care of yourself first.
Then you need to establish some boundaries and responsibilities that each of you will adhere to with mutual goals and interests in mind. Talk it out in a civilized manner and try to reach some sort of agreement.
He is 26
I've been taking time to meditate as that is supposed to work wonders for anxiety and stress. I used to take walks when my stress was bad, but after I moved to a new state I became too scared to go out by myself.
I'd say a goal we made was moving. It's the one thing I am greatly looking forward to. It will be nice to move to where the weather is more comforting and I think the separation from his mom will help us all (his mother included).
I've been taking time to meditate as that is supposed to work wonders for anxiety and stress. I used to take walks when my stress was bad, but after I moved to a new state I became too scared to go out by myself.
I'd say a goal we made was moving. It's the one thing I am greatly looking forward to. It will be nice to move to where the weather is more comforting and I think the separation from his mom will help us all (his mother included).
Meditation and mindfulness exercises are great ways to cope with stress and anxiety. Being in the moment and focusing on the present is very important. If you don't feel safe going for walks try going someplace quiet like a library or your own backyard.
It sounds like you have a plan, so between now and then live by your values and find ways to keep yourself occupied in positive ways. Don't allow your mind too much idle time to think.
Meanwhile, share your concerns with him in a non-confrontational manner. Make him stick to his word and plan on leaving with or without him in a year.
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