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Old 11-08-2011, 10:21 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,284 posts, read 12,877,433 times
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I have come to the conclusion that I am in the minority regaring my capacity and desire for emotional intimacy and emotional support.

After doing an inventory of friends and family, I definately notice that in my circle, people tend to be either self-sufficient, in terms of emtional support needs/and or on the shallow side (that is what it appears to be to me, it may be something else).

I am the kind of person who likes to talk things out, is direct, likes to vent as a way to process stuff. If something upsetting happens to me, I want to talk about it . . . but most people I know are not like this. The people I know tend to not want to talk about their problems and they sure don't want to hear about mine.

There is nothing to be done about this, but I do find it sad that I cannot get this need met . . .
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Old 11-08-2011, 11:51 PM
 
Location: Las Flores, Orange County, CA
26,338 posts, read 93,440,962 times
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How big of a problem is this? Everybody could write what you wrote for some situations in their lives but not many people would create a thread on it.
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Old 11-09-2011, 09:00 AM
 
13,513 posts, read 19,193,146 times
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I'm sorry that you can't get this need met by your family and friends imcurious......but do feel free to vent away...or tell us on cd your problems and I'm sure I, as well as others will try to help you in any way that giving advice,or lending an ear can.
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:37 AM
 
Location: earth?
7,284 posts, read 12,877,433 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Charles View Post
How big of a problem is this? Everybody could write what you wrote for some situations in their lives but not many people would create a thread on it.
It's a big need of mine and I started a thread because I realize that it is not a big deal to most other people.

P.S. Minimizing MY need is not helpful.

Everyone is different.

Thanks
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:38 AM
 
Location: earth?
7,284 posts, read 12,877,433 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
I'm sorry that you can't get this need met by your family and friends imcurious......but do feel free to vent away...or tell us on cd your problems and I'm sure I, as well as others will try to help you in any way that giving advice,or lending an ear can.
Thank you. I do use CD to blow off some steam but I don't get too personal because it is the internet!
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:49 PM
 
Location: Las Flores, Orange County, CA
26,338 posts, read 93,440,962 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post

There is nothing to be done about this,

How do you know? Has a physician told you this?
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Old 11-10-2011, 12:13 AM
 
Location: earth?
7,284 posts, read 12,877,433 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Charles View Post
How do you know? Has a physician told you this?
No need to try to pathologize me - there is nothing "wrong" with me - this is just the way I am built. It is actually sad that someone who is capable of emotional intimacy is considered "broken" and must see a physician . . .Not everyone is into allopathic medicine - I'm not a big fan and no doctor can "fix" my desire for emotional intimacy and support.

It's actually quite ludicrous that you think so . . .
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Old 11-11-2011, 09:30 PM
 
848 posts, read 1,433,746 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
I have come to the conclusion that I am in the minority regaring my capacity and desire for emotional intimacy and emotional support.

After doing an inventory of friends and family, I definately notice that in my circle, people tend to be either self-sufficient, in terms of emtional support needs/and or on the shallow side (that is what it appears to be to me, it may be something else).

I am the kind of person who likes to talk things out, is direct, likes to vent as a way to process stuff. If something upsetting happens to me, I want to talk about it . . . but most people I know are not like this. The people I know tend to not want to talk about their problems and they sure don't want to hear about mine.

There is nothing to be done about this, but I do find it sad that I cannot get this need met . . .
I'm with you. Maybe it's an age thing. I used to have people in my life when I was younger who would listen - good friends. We could talk for hours over coffee or just sitting together in a park or taking an aimless walk through the neighborhood...and even if there was no resolution, the whole process was emotionally satisfying and fulfilling. Someone was there to listen, to acknowledge me, to see me as I was. Could it be that as the people in our lives get older, they have less patience for others, less desire for intimacy, more resign?
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Old 11-11-2011, 09:51 PM
 
Location: Susquehanna River, Union Co, PA
885 posts, read 1,514,902 times
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I recommend that you look into reiki, specifically pathworking. This is a process by which you identify and cohere aspects of yourself (most usually, in the beginning, relating to your experiences and perceptions of others) and then begin to develop a vocabulary about the needs and perceptions you have. From this foundation you create a solid coherent personality.

An example is the need to be heard - need for *mother* [not an actual mother, it is the *maternal* longing that shows up in spousal relationships, also health and mental health issues]

Another is the need for redemption - need for the hero's role [we all need this from time to time to help us shed habits and types of relationships, including and especially that with ourselves, that we've outgrown]

Another is the wise old woman/man who is often described as the voice of conscience...

The point is that, in my experience and in spiritual traditions, loneliness of the sort you describe (lonely although you are actually around people both phsycally and virtually - known sociologically as 'anomie') is a result of the agencies within you being unable to communicate with one another and cohere in order to create an integrated experience of life.
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Old 11-11-2011, 10:36 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,284 posts, read 12,877,433 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by woody516 View Post
I'm with you. Maybe it's an age thing. I used to have people in my life when I was younger who would listen - good friends. We could talk for hours over coffee or just sitting together in a park or taking an aimless walk through the neighborhood...and even if there was no resolution, the whole process was emotionally satisfying and fulfilling. Someone was there to listen, to acknowledge me, to see me as I was. Could it be that as the people in our lives get older, they have less patience for others, less desire for intimacy, more resign?
It sounds so simple . . . why are so few people available to "be with" someone in that way?
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