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CArizona, you are one of those people that has a legitimate reason to be sad, stressed and at your wit's end. Just know that you are a wonderful person and mother. You will get through this and come out on the other side. Positive people are survivors.
I wish I lived closer to you, too.
You know sometimes people get so busy that they forget and often survivors are overlooked because they come across as so "together." I wonder if you should reach out to someone that you trust will be concerned and give you some support just this once?
hiknapster...Thanks for writing and caring! I am the only widow among my circle of friends so this definitely sets me apart..Over the past months I have let more people see the "real me." I've broken down and cried a few times and been honest about my fears and concerns and true feelings etc. I don't do this all the time but just talking about certain things has brought me to tears...But I think that people still have an image of the "super strong me" in their minds. And I am strong but I'm also "other things" too at times...Maybe my situation just seems too tragic and too much to "take" for a lot of people. I lost my husband last year. I lost my older son a few years back. And now my younger son has been in and out of hospitals battling life-threatening brain tumors...It's definitely a lot for me to handle and deal with and it's "my life." I can't run-away from any of it or pretend that it's not happening. I wonder if I seem like a "jinx" now or ???
lots of old people drop dead during the holidays,. here is why. its a great time when relatives u have not seen all year to come to your home and tell you what they think of you.
somehow having the same DNA makes them feel utterly entitled to do this esp on holidays.
somehow they spent all year reasoning out that even though they have a 6 figure job and are broke all the time, its bek you dont help them more and u having more with less income is a clear indicator u need to be more generous with their kids.
my favorite trick. i take painting classes and have paintings on the wall in my home. every christmas lots of snide remarks from visiting relatives about the paintings. so i hang a few high priced professional paintings (gifts from my art friends) mixed in with my own paintings. makes no difference, they sneer at them all. . i never tell them. LOL!!!
Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 12-17-2011 at 08:24 AM..
hiknapster...Thanks for writing and caring! I am the only widow among my circle of friends so this definitely sets me apart..Over the past months I have let more people see the "real me." I've broken down and cried a few times and been honest about my fears and concerns and true feelings etc. I don't do this all the time but just talking about certain things has brought me to tears...But I think that people still have an image of the "super strong me" in their minds. And I am strong but I'm also "other things" too at times...Maybe my situation just seems too tragic and too much to "take" for a lot of people. I lost my husband last year. I lost my older son a few years back. And now my younger son has been in and out of hospitals battling life-threatening brain tumors...It's definitely a lot for me to handle and deal with and it's "my life." I can't run-away from any of it or pretend that it's not happening. I wonder if I seem like a "jinx" now or ???
I don't think this is your imagination. Some people do tend to avoid people they know who are having problems--I've heard of this most recently with the unemployed getting cut off from friends and family members.
It does feel weird to be ignored and forgotten at times...I have to work hard to avoid becoming bitter. There are too many negative and bitter people in the world already and I don't want to become this way myself. But some feelings do come up at times...A few months back one of my local friends went in the hospital. She had a blood clot in her lung and the doctors said she had a mini-stroke. I called her at least once every day and went to see her. I called her husband to see how he was doing and asked if he needed help with the kids or meals etc...Her illness and "health scare" was a big deal to me and my son...Thank goodness my friend is doing better now. But she went through trauma a few weeks ago when her sister took a turn for the worse and died. I went with her to see her sister and called her everyday just to see how she was coping with all of it. Yet my friend never calls me to see how I am doing or to check on how my son is doing. It's weird. It's definitely a "one-way-street" type of relationship...It's hard for me to always be the one who calls. When people are under ongoing stress it's hard to do much of anything. I feel grateful that I remember to eat and feed my cats and put my shirt on the "right way" etc..Some friends and family members talk about me moving closer to them when my son recovers. It used to sound like a good idea but now I'm not so sure because I rarely hear from them. People say lots of things and "mean well." But there's just "no telling."
It does feel weird to be ignored and forgotten at times...I have to work hard to avoid becoming bitter. There are too many negative and bitter people in the world already and I don't want to become this way myself. But some feelings do come up at times...A few months back one of my local friends went in the hospital. She had a blood clot in her lung and the doctors said she had a mini-stroke. I called her at least once every day and went to see her. I called her husband to see how he was doing and asked if he needed help with the kids or meals etc...Her illness and "health scare" was a big deal to me and my son...Thank goodness my friend is doing better now. But she went through trauma a few weeks ago when her sister took a turn for the worse and died. I went with her to see her sister and called her everyday just to see how she was coping with all of it. Yet my friend never calls me to see how I am doing or to check on how my son is doing. It's weird. It's definitely a "one-way-street" type of relationship...It's hard for me to always be the one who calls. When people are under ongoing stress it's hard to do much of anything. I feel grateful that I remember to eat and feed my cats and put my shirt on the "right way" etc..Some friends and family members talk about me moving closer to them when my son recovers. It used to sound like a good idea but now I'm not so sure because I rarely hear from them. People say lots of things and "mean well." But there's just "no telling."
You sound like such a very caring person; I hope you continue to hold on to that kind spirit that is in you and that others bring some joy your way. I believe you deserve to be lavished with some kindness just as much as you have shown for others. Sometimes because others are so use to seeing us hold up that strong front, they don't realize how much just a few comforting words can mean. I so hope your son recovers soon and that you both see brighter days ahead.
Can't rep you again right now jasper12, but I did really LOL over that last line.
Also, I am apparently the only person on the planet who has never watched It's A Wonderful Life. Might be a good story, but Jimmy Stewart's voice just grates on me and I can't sit through it.
Mighty Queen, let's start a club for those who have never watched It's A Wonderful Life. I've never seen it - and don't plan to.
I think that by being a good friend, being kind to others in general, we get so much more out of the deal. BUT, it hurts when we have a relationship where we constantly give and get nothing in return. We all know people like that. Over the years I've extracted myself from people like that. I'm trying to do it with my mother, although she needs me more than ever. But narcissists do not respect you if you continuously give and even though she has so many health issues right now I'm finding her to be even nastier every day and I've had to back off a bit.
Anyway, I'm back to that fine line that I was talking about on another thread. We have to be careful that when we give - and we DO derive so much pleasure from that - that we are not taken advantage of. I've dropped so-called "friends," over the years, that are like that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona
It does feel weird to be ignored and forgotten at times...I have to work hard to avoid becoming bitter. There are too many negative and bitter people in the world already and I don't want to become this way myself. But some feelings do come up at times...A few months back one of my local friends went in the hospital. She had a blood clot in her lung and the doctors said she had a mini-stroke. I called her at least once every day and went to see her. I called her husband to see how he was doing and asked if he needed help with the kids or meals etc...Her illness and "health scare" was a big deal to me and my son...Thank goodness my friend is doing better now. But she went through trauma a few weeks ago when her sister took a turn for the worse and died. I went with her to see her sister and called her everyday just to see how she was coping with all of it. Yet my friend never calls me to see how I am doing or to check on how my son is doing. It's weird. It's definitely a "one-way-street" type of relationship...It's hard for me to always be the one who calls. When people are under ongoing stress it's hard to do much of anything. I feel grateful that I remember to eat and feed my cats and put my shirt on the "right way" etc..Some friends and family members talk about me moving closer to them when my son recovers. It used to sound like a good idea but now I'm not so sure because I rarely hear from them. People say lots of things and "mean well." But there's just "no telling."
I've looked into places in my area to volunteer, this year, as I've done every year, for medical reasons that I'm not going into on this thread, the locations aren't accessable to me on holidays. Not an excuse, just a fact.
I understand. Unfortunately, I have had medical problems for the past few years.
I enjoy visiting family and friends out of town for a few days, but don't like staying for more than four days at a time. Unfortunately, this trip will be nine days in total and I'm not looking forward to the length.
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I've never seen it - and don't plan to.
