if a loved one pulled a gun on you, would you turn them in? (depression, psychological)
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Long ago my mom pulled a gun on me and my sister...she always been mean, crazy but I never expected that of her. We never told anyone, we never wanted to upset her. My sister told my dad who did nothing. We were young adults at the time, we weren't bad children, we didn't deserve that. It messed my mind up pretty bad...I no longer see them anymore, I can't...I feel betrayed. Was I wrong not to turn my mom in? Would you have? Should I get some more Theraphy since I been thinking about it often these days?
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Honey, the ways in which your mother abused you do not matter. She was not right in the head, and this is not your fault. Please get some good counseling for yourself, so you can be free of the baggage she put on you.
Thank you...I am so damaged from this, its really hurting me...I am however ok, I do think I need to go back to seeing my dr however...esp now with xmas here, I am thankful, I know it could be so much worse too...I am now in my 40s...yet time doesn't seem to make it ok and she is aging and will die soon.
So i'm imagining that the gun incident was just one of the more (or most?) dramatic manifestations of your mom's imbalance / abuse / meanness and that you and your sister were traumatized throughout your childhood and young adulthood?
Whatever the case, it would be good if you found some way to heal from a painful childhood so that you may recover / remember who you are in truth.
Abused children (myself included) always think that the bad behavior of the parent is somehow their fault.
Self image and sense of sSelf is damaged and the ideas we hold about who we are, are false and conditioned.
It's interesting (and it's typical for abused children) that you said, "we weren't bad children".
Children aren't bad and no matter how they're acting out (often because of disturbance in the home) it's never an excuse for a mother or father to be abusive.
It's also interesting that you didn't want to turn your mom because you didn't want to upset her.
Children are like dogs (in a good way ... i adore dogs).
No matter how mean their person is, they have an undying loyalty.
Yes...and thank you for your insightful post...much appreciated...my counselor was trying to get me to get angry, To cry to react...I can't...I have tried, yet I will cry at a drop of hat over minor dum things;( for a long time, I was just numb..I guess, I feel like I am starting to thaw out now...
What I have done is just stayed away...I sometimes wonder however if she would come after me, many years ago I wont talk to her, her controlling ways was too much for me, her insults and demeanor just about ruined our relationship...I just couldn't take it anymore...a friend of mine told me that she was solo mad that she was going to drive to see me, over 500 miles with a questionable relative, who was no good...that scared me...so for awhile, I just never spoke to her...after awhile we starting talking but she resorted back to being the same way, huge surprise that I just can't do it anymore...and lately now I been having nightmares of her, of that night...its just too much for me...I realize this is not often talked about, I know..I know...thanks for listening, that is all I really care to share at this point now...if others want to talk about their experiences, feel free too, I think it may help someone else out there possibly...thanks.
Yes...and thank you for your insightful post...much appreciated...my counselor was trying to get me to get angry, To cry to react...I can't...I have tried, yet I will cry at a drop of hat over minor dum things;( for a long time, I was just numb..I guess, I feel like I am starting to thaw out now...
That you can cry over minor dumb things (no such thing by the way) is really cool.
Numbness / depression is worse, in my experience, than pain.
I know that your therapist has good intentions but i think that feelings come when they come.
It's just my opinion but to try to elicit and/or force any feeling or emotion is not the best thing.
Also, if you're a gentle soul (which i sense you are) anger is not an easy emotion.
It's particularly difficult to feel or express anger toward a parent when healthy boundaries and healthy emotional interactions weren't part of the family dynamic.
And it's taboo to go against the mother and/or father and family.
There's a deep psychological prohibition that seems to be at the level of DNA.
I imagine that it goes way, way, way back in time (pre-historic) when to leave the group (family, clan, etc.) would mean death ... literally.
People often say that it's not until the death of both parents that an individual can really come into a true sense of who they are and shine.
But i don't agree.
It just takes more will and work to do it when the parent(s) is still alive especially if the parent is, on some level (even if it's only internalized in the adult child), still opposing their child.
My dad, for example, is still an opposition in my life.
He can't hurt me now (although he can still trigger me) but he projects nasty stuff onto me and is often mean because of the unresolved guilt that he still carries and which i remind him of.
Weird psychology!
What I have done is just stayed away...I sometimes wonder however if she would come after me, many years ago I wont talk to her, her controlling ways was too much for me, her insults and demeanor just about ruined our relationship...I just couldn't take it anymore...a friend of mine told me that she was solo mad that she was going to drive to see me, over 500 miles with a questionable relative, who was no good...that scared me...so for awhile, I just never spoke to her...after awhile we starting talking but she resorted back to being the same way, huge surprise that I just can't do it anymore...and lately now I been having nightmares of her, of that night...its just too much for me...I realize this is not often talked about, I know..I know...thanks for listening, that is all I really care to share at this point now...if others want to talk about their experiences, feel free too, I think it may help someone else out there possibly...thanks.
I bet you feel even more unsafe because you've shared so much and because your mom is still a threat to you or a perceived threat? (If she become a real threat to you in the future [I'm not assuming that she will], you have the right to call the police!)
Please don't fear.
You're expressing this anonymously.
But i realize that the fear is not rational.
And just voicing this if even anonymously seems like it could put you in jeopardy but it won't and the fear coming up is part of the release of it.
I appreciate that you've shared your experience and i also appreciate that you don't want to say more.
You'll be o.k..
And i think it's good that you avoid contact with your mom.
A good and wise friend of mine gave me some advice some years ago when i was contemplating whether or not to move to the same town as my dad.
He said that if being in the presence of my father triggered me in a way that would contribute to my healing (increased my awareness, etc.) that it would be a good thing.
But if he triggered me in such a way that i'd regress into that abused child and would become paralyzed with fear and unable to process anything and it would interfere with my liberation, etc. that wouldn't be good at all and that if that was the case, it would be best to avoid him.
It sounds like contact with your mom at this point triggers you in such a way that it's counterproductive to your healing and evolution.
That's just my take.
All the best.
Thanks...it does feel a bit strange, scary to talk on here...and because of people who are abusive, I have to be careful on here...but I think I shared enough to get the point out there cause your responses were so wonderfully aspiring to me, healing kind of in a way, affirmating...there is so much I see in your posts, I seen in my life...I wish I could elaborate but this is all I should and feel comfortable sharing...thank you guys...so much
We are mirrors, reminders of who people are, what they did and or didn't do...but we don't have to be who they make us to be...we don't have to wear what others want us to wear, or to be who they pic us to be...intact to do skis to allow abuse...which is terrible...thanks again
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