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I've only read the OP and am posting based on having read only that. The thread title was enough to draw me in, as I feel the same way. OP - 99% of your post could've been written by me. As I read it, I swear it was like something I wrote.
I feel the same way. I am not living, so much as I am just existing. For many reasons. I actually had this discussion with my close friend last week as I was having a really hard time that particular day and was venting. I am also not looking for sympathy or suggestions, as I have tried many things, with no luck.
There are days I wish I didn't wake up; most days I think "whew, one less day to live". I know what causes my feeling this way, but for me there is no way to fix it.
Could finding the right man for you help? the right career?
Could finding the right man for you help? the right career?
I wish, but finding a man is not easy. A career would be nice too, but I cannot afford to go back to school. Yet I make *that much* too much for assistance (for schooling).
For me, it's things that have happened that I cannot change, and it's hard for me to move on from them. Losing my child was heartbreaking, but losing my fertility after that made it that much more difficult. Watching my friends get married and have kids is hard for me, because I see them getting to have things that I once dreamed of but were taken from me. I have found myself pulling away from people because I cannot handle the heartbreak it brings me.
Good evening Dragonborn. Let me just start by telling you that what I'm fixing to say is not a cyberhug, not am I a fan of anti depressants. As for Jesus, I personally find that an an active faith life helps; however I will never try to preach to anyone! I also grew up in an environment with less than supportive parents, and two older siblings that were much more popular and successful than myself. Upon graduating I briefly attended college and found that it just wasnt for me. I eventually became a paramedic/fireman, and found the work highly rewarding and satisfying. Perhaps you like me are just a hands on sort of learner. It in no way means that you have a diminished intellect, you just have a different style of learning. I went through a nasty divorce just six months after my mother died from a prolonged bout of cancer. I came one day from a 12 hour shift and everything including my little girl was gone. She even took my dog. I went through a profound period of depression to say the least. I have always struggled with depression, but this was way out of control. I tried cognitive therapy, drugs (illegal and prescription), and nothing worked. I would like to tell you that a prayer, or one experience changed everything; and now its all better. The truth is I have experienced a tremendous improvement, but its a process my brother. Through continuous and daily prayer and meditation, I came to view the tragedies in my life as learning experiences. I allowed those dark times to make me smarter and stronger. As I said its a process, and its a lot of work; but well worth it. I have since fallen in love and remarried. You mentioned that you have a wife. My advice would be to love that woman with everything you got, and focus on what the two of you do have in this life. I dont know you, but I know me. If you had the presence of mind to write the kind of post you did, then I think that you are intelligent, sensitive person that is more than capable of making it in this life. Maybe you wont make it in the exact way that your brothers did, but that is what makes each of us unique. Life will continue to have ups and downs, but ride it out and make it an adventure of self discovery. Good luck brother!
Thank you for sharing this. You should be very proud of yourself for what you've accomplished, given what you've gone through. Even though you went through the horror of having your kid taken away, she most likely sees you as a hero and a great dad.
Could finding the right man for you help? the right career?
Not that simple. In my case, I am married, but if I were alone, finding a woman would not make it right, nor would it change my overall opinion of the world.
Well, I've read the entire thread, and as you don't want advice, I won't give you any.
I do want to say that, every now and then, even with all my years of reading and therapy, somebody will say something to surprise me, and the quote above did just that.
If you struggle, that means that you are actually doing it. Not me. And it is another example of my anxiety that I wouldn't even think about normally. I recognize it, on a very low level, when I notice all the people at the deli counter - and I go right past it, because the thought of talking to the deli person is just too stressful for me to deal with. I have so many other examples of anxiety that cripple me, that this is one that I just don't think about, but reading it just now made me go "whoa, somebody else struggles with this?" and I felt, if not better, at least a bit comforted that somebody else at least knows what that kind of anxiety feels like. It's not a fun way to live at all.
So thanks for coming here and writing about your feelings, even if it didn't help you, at least it helped me.
I'm glad that sharing this inner BS of mine has helped you and I'm glad that you can relate to it. Also, thanks for realizing that I don't need help or advice. Aside from the anxiety, I am not sick. There is no help out there....it's society in general that needs help.
It seems that we all agree to a point that society has been "degrading" to this day, but now the question is, why - or what factors - made this happen?
I mean, surely some people would say it's been evolving, right? Women are now more equal than in the past, technology allows us to fulfill more of our wishes, etc...
I've only read the OP and am posting based on having read only that. The thread title was enough to draw me in, as I feel the same way. OP - 99% of your post could've been written by me. As I read it, I swear it was like something I wrote.
I feel the same way. I am not living, so much as I am just existing. For many reasons. I actually had this discussion with my close friend last week as I was having a really hard time that particular day and was venting. I am also not looking for sympathy or suggestions, as I have tried many things, with no luck.
There are days I wish I didn't wake up; most days I think "whew, one less day to live". I know what causes my feeling this way, but for me there is no way to fix it.
I have no doubt that some people can be helped and should at least give it a shot. I am past that stage though. I spent hours sat in my car alone, contemplating this. Being surrounded by nothing but nature is a great way to clear your head and see the proverbial wood for the trees. The natural assumption of people is that someone experiencing thoughts of suicide must be not of sound mind, which is not the case. I don't experience the crushing lows or any form of irrational or delusional thinking. I simply do not like society and I'm mentally drained from "trying" and while I want no part of it all, being marginalized is a pretty miserable existence, so it's a double-edged sword.
It seems that we all agree to a point that society has been "degrading" to this day, but now the question is, why - or what factors - made this happen?
I mean, surely some people would say it's been evolving, right? Women are now more equal than in the past, technology allows us to fulfill more of our wishes, etc...
Women have always been equal.
They just bought into the patriarchal b.s. system and think that they liberated themselves 'cause they, like men, can go to work and make the cogs of a sick machine run smoothly.
And i say that as a as-far-to-the-left-as-one-can-be woman.
I'm so far to the left that i came back round to right. (not "the right" mind you).
And technology fulfills no wish of the human heart or soul.
It's empty and meaningless to the degree to which it serves neither.
It seems that we all agree to a point that society has been "degrading" to this day, but now the question is, why - or what factors - made this happen?
I mean, surely some people would say it's been evolving, right? Women are now more equal than in the past, technology allows us to fulfill more of our wishes, etc...
Yeah, sure, we've evolved from a technological perspective and at face value, there have been advancements in equality, but as human beings, we are becoming increasingly soulless, cruel and materialistic. While some groups have gained rights, other groups are being chastised and increasingly marginalized. Instead of trying to collectively come together and advance, perhaps by making a real go at space exploration, we are too busy killing one another or worrying about stupid TV shows or which god is better. I know it's probably a bad example, but the music we listen to now compared with 10 years ago is complete crap. People are becoming more and more sheep-like, just blindly following the herd, while those of us who can't keep up or simply choose not to are deemed mentally ill. Social networking, corporate BS, degrees, bad decision making and Darwinism. Yuck, yuck, yuck. I often feel like I'm the only one repulsed by what we've become.
I have no doubt that some people can be helped and should at least give it a shot. I am past that stage though. I spent hours sat in my car alone, contemplating this. Being surrounded by nothing but nature is a great way to clear your head and see the proverbial wood for the trees. The natural assumption of people is that someone experiencing thoughts of suicide must be not of sound mind, which is not the case. I don't experience the crushing lows or any form of irrational or delusional thinking. I simply do not like society and I'm mentally drained from "trying" and while I want no part of it all, being marginalized is a pretty miserable existence, so it's a double-edged sword.
It helps to live in a community where being outside of the mainstream / dominant culture isn't considered taboo.
That's why i live where i do.
Though that aforementioned culture has its tentacles everywhere, there are places in this country where one can live more or less freely without feeling marginalized ... where difference is accepted.
I'd say, speaking generally, states west of the rockies offer more communities where one can feel a bit more free to be.
And that's essentially what it's about ... freedom to be oneself.
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(not "the right" mind you).
