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It's been one week and I'm having a hard time remembering why I thought quitting smoking was a good idea. Oh yeah, the money.
But I'm wondering if the sadness and depression will ever go away or if I'm stuck feeling like this for the rest of my life. It sucks because I know ONE cigarette would make me feel so much better...but of course it would never stop at one.
Today I doubly want to smash my own head into the wall because I've lost eight pounds over the past few months and have been determined to not gain weight just because I quit smoking. Went to my mother's house, and she was bored last night and baked all kinds of cookies for Christmas, and I ate about eight of them.
So,
a. Not having the nicotine boost brings on depression.
b. If one cannot have a cigarette but one can have horrible things to eat that will make one fat, one will eat them in an attempt to feel better.
c. One will get fat and NOT feel better anyway, because one really just wants some nicotine....
Again, what was the point of quitting. Yes, I'll be broke and die early. On the other hand, the long road of hopelessness stretched ahead doesn't seem like that great of an alternative. I don't know if I have the mental energy to fight these urges for the rest of my life. And I can't think straight, either.
I wish I had some wise words that would make your quit more palatable, I just know I remember having all those feelings you expressed. When the feeling and thought comes to me that lighting up would make me feel so much better, I just start to analyze that thought and I come to the conclusion, the act seems to make me feel better for several minutes, but like with most habitual addictive substances, it only last till the next fix and the last dollar. I also start calculating where all those saved dollars could have go to a better cause. Yes, I'm pissed off I've put on more weight since quitting smoking, a year and a month ago, but I sure don't miss the awful smell and inconviences of lighting up.
Keep talking about it, keep telling yourself all the reasons why you don't want to light up. The weight thing is a big one, I know, but in the long run, I probably would have gained weight regardless, the smoking, for me, is just another excuse. Sigh
I'm sorry that your depression is causing you to not know which way to turn, I just hope you can pull through and make the best decision for your health and well being.
Thanks. I do know all those things, but I just didn't expect to feel so very very sad and alone and depressed. I suppose, when I go back 35 years, that may be one of the reasons I STARTED smoking in the first place, to feel better.
It's particularly difficult in the evenings, like right now, because I would enjoy stepping outside and having a cig on my front porch. Sometimes a neighbor would be outside smoking, too (we're in a condo complex). The cigarette was like having some kind of reason to go out, having some kind of friend. It kept me one step from becoming one of those nutcase old single women who talks to her cats. I guess that's my future.
I always equated giving up smoking as losing a loved one,kinda like never being able to see your kids ever again but they live just next door behind the counter at the convenience store..
If you've gone a week congratulations the worst part is over, if you are thinking of returning to the habit you might want to consider some of the Nicotine replacement products, i used the Nicorette Lozenges for almost 6 months when i gave up the habit, its been 2 and a half years since that last puff and at $10 a pack and smoking 2 packs a day there aint no way i could afford to go back even if i wanted to.
Keep reminding yourself of the benefits you'll derive from continued sustenance from nicotine,
You'll save close to $4000 per year just on the smokes, you'll also save much more as you wont be going to the convenience store as much so you wont be buying all that other stuff that you bought when you went to buy those cigarettes.
After a year your insurance cost may be reduced.
You wont constantly reek of the cigarette stench and neither will your car.You might even make new friends.
Add 10 years to your life.
The senses of smell and taste are vastly enhanced.
Keep up the good work things will only get better...promise
Thanks. I do know all those things, but I just didn't expect to feel so very very sad and alone and depressed. I suppose, when I go back 35 years, that may be one of the reasons I STARTED smoking in the first place, to feel better.
It's particularly difficult in the evenings, like right now, because I would enjoy stepping outside and having a cig on my front porch. Sometimes a neighbor would be outside smoking, too (we're in a condo complex). The cigarette was like having some kind of reason to go out, having some kind of friend. It kept me one step from becoming one of those nutcase old single women who talks to her cats. I guess that's my future.
I know about those evenings, I hadn't been over to one of my friends places since I quit and I'm used to being banished to the patio for my smokes, so before going over there to spend this past Thanksgiving holiday, I was envisioning not having those early morning late night, nights out on the patio to smoke. Can you imagine, I'm heading for a nice weekend visit and all I can think, is what am I going to do with my down time, now that I don't smoke.
I know about those evenings, I hadn't been over to one of my friends places since I quit and I'm used to being banished to the patio for my smokes, so before going over there to spend this past Thanksgiving holiday, I was envisioning not having those early morning late night, nights out on the patio to smoke. Can you imagine, I'm heading for a nice weekend visit and all I can think, is what am I going to do with my down time, now that I don't smoke.
On top of the sad feeling, there's also the fact that I can't think straight. It takes enormous effort to concentrate at work. My sister, who quit two years ago, called it Stupid Brain. She said Stupid Brain takes a while to go away. Great. That nicotine gave a nice jolt to the thinking abilities!
Ironically, I kept thinking I could keep my hands busy doing all that needs to be done just around the house, etc., but I have no ambition to do anything. I keep staring at the pile of mail and the pile of laundry but I cannot will myself to do anything about them.
That not being able to think thing, is called you have your CRAFT on, in other words, Can't Remember A Flippin Thing...just a little humor, hopefully next week is better....find an online quit group, About.com has one and good luck
On top of the sad feeling, there's also the fact that I can't think straight. It takes enormous effort to concentrate at work. My sister, who quit two years ago, called it Stupid Brain. She said Stupid Brain takes a while to go away. Great. That nicotine gave a nice jolt to the thinking abilities!
Ironically, I kept thinking I could keep my hands busy doing all that needs to be done just around the house, etc., but I have no ambition to do anything. I keep staring at the pile of mail and the pile of laundry but I cannot will myself to do anything about them.
MQ ~~ just a thought, but all the symptoms you've mentioned — the inability to focus, the lethargy, feeling sad — have to do with depression. You might consider thinking of the two (the quitting smoking and the depressive feelings) separately and seek some professional help with the depression.
That not being able to think thing, is called you have your CRAFT on, in other words, Can't Remember A Flippin Thing...just a little humor, hopefully next week is better....find an online quit group, About.com has one and good luck
Thanks, and CRAFT made me laugh out loud.
I went on QuitNet, which has online forums and support, but everybody's longer term and all so gung ho and making pledges not to smoke today and having a cyber bonfire and patting one another wildly on back and I just want to slap them all upside the head.
There is actually a Quitters Anonymous group out there, and they have a few live, in-person meetings and one is Tuesday nights in a church about 20 minutes from where I live. Nice neighborhood, too--wealthy area. I'm thinking about going tomorrow. During the day when I'm on my long train commute and then at work, it's easier to ignore the little voice telling me to smoke, but at night when I'm home alone it's harder.
MQ ~~ just a thought, but all the symptoms you've mentioned — the inability to focus, the lethargy, feeling sad — have to do with depression. You might consider thinking of the two (the quitting smoking and the depressive feelings) separately and seek some professional help with the depression.
Good luck,
Z
Thanks. I've suffered from depression most of my life--since I was around 6 when I thought this "dark thing" was following me (my therapist years later said this was probably a kid's perception of depression) but I didn't really know that's what was wrong with me until I was around 40. I was on meds for about 7 years, went to therapy for about 7 years, and I guess got as good as I was going to get. I weaned myself off the meds about two years ago and I've been able to maintain living more or less, but now with quitting smoking it just feels awful again.
You know, all the literature about depression says it should be treated if it lasts two weeks or more. It's been one week. If in another week I still feel this way, I'm going to look up the old madman-looking psychiatrist I used to see and ask him for something.
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things will only get better...promise
