Serious matter (working with those with disabilities)This is very concerning. Please give me input. (vision, yoga)

[Beilua Rose]

I've never had long-term interactions with those of special-needs, especially adults with disabiliites.

After becoming interested in working with those with special needs, I applied for positions to work in a group home. When I thought about working in a group home, I assumed I'd be working with those who could walk by themselves, and do many of the tasks others would be able to do, just with more assistance, encouragement and supervision.

I was placed in a home where all but one are incapable of walking. They need their diapers changed, they need to be carried and put on the toliet, shower, or bed to be changed. There is one with a feeding tube who needs to be fed throughout the day.

I am in great stress due to the fact that I do not have a medical background, I am barely in my 20's and have never seen really any grown naked person before in person besides immediate family members (breast) and my friend several years ago.

I'm a virgin, have only seen my friend's penis when we were making out and this all happened during my teens. Without any warning, the first day of training I was exposed to a penis of a grown man's and I had no idea what to do or how to feel. Not only that, but the next day of training I was exposed to more genitals (all male). Of course, I am expected to wipe them and change their diapers and maneauver their gentials around to be better fitted for their diapers but... It's just a bit too much for me. Although, maybe I am being dramatic.

All of the women taking care of these specific people have had medical experience before, all of them have children, obviously have had sex and have seen the male organ plenty of times.

I have not gone through any of these experiences.

I feel lost and alone because I want to help my "clients" but this is SO overwhelming to me.

I spoke with the manager and she became somewhat defensive when I told her my discomfort.

Am I prude? Am I being overly dramatic? Will I get used to this? Will this affect my future sex life?


I never knew how emotional this would be. It's like entering a different world when you enter a group home, especially when the disabilities are moderate to severe...

[jasper12]

You will become less sensitive to seeing naked people. At the stage of life where you are, you view a naked body in sexual terms, probably because you have not grown up in an environment where being nude is normal. This is not going to affect your sexuality. You will become less sensitive to seeing people naked as time goes on. It is just a job, where you see people undressed. I am sorry the naked body is so shocking to you.

I once worked with a Mother, who was unwilling to clean her son's genitalia, poor baby always had infections, and a nasty smell because she would not touch her own baby's penis, and clean his foreskin. What is so wrong about touching a baby's penis? To clean it correctly?

I hope you won't be like that Mother, and because of your issues with touching another person's genitals, you don't do your job, and leave them unclean. If this is the case, I suggest you change jobs. Consider it.

[Beilua Rose]

Originally Posted by jasper12

You will become less sensitive to seeing naked people. At the stage of life where you are, you view a naked body in sexual terms, probably because you have not grown up in an environment where being nude is normal. This is not going to affect your sexuality. You will become less sensitive to seeing people naked as time goes on. It is just a job, where you see people undressed. I am sorry the naked body is so shocking to you.

I once worked with a Mother, who was unwilling to clean her son's genitalia, poor baby always had infections, and a nasty smell because she would not touch her own baby's penis, and clean his foreskin. What is so wrong about touching a baby's penis? To clean it correctly?

I hope you won't be like that Mother, and because of your issues with touching another person's genitals, you don't do your job, and leave them unclean. If this is the case, I suggest you change jobs. Consider it.

Ok. Number one, I would obviously clean my own child.

Secondly, It's my job to do this. I'm not an apathetic person and not leave them in an unhygenic state.

This all is just hard for me to cope with.

[Hemlock140]

What you described is typical of the group home setting, and employees, with medical backgrounds or not have to deal with it. I fault the employer for not asking questions about whether you would be comfortable with it, and for the obviously deficient description of the duties. If you find it that uncomfortable you really should find a different job, it really could keep you awake at night and affect your private life in the future. Not everyone is cut out for that kind of work, that's nothing to be ashamed of.

[jaijai]

It's quite possible that you're in over your head and that it's too much for you.
I would not be able to do what you're doing.
It would absolutely overwhelm me.
Interesting ... i was just talking to a friend of mine a few hours ago about this very issue.
For many years he worked in various hospitals and did the "dirty work" that most cannot handle, ie; wiping people, moving there bodies in bed for greater comfort, cleaning their entire bodies which sometimes involved moving a lot of flesh around for those who were obese, etc., etc..
Now my friend is a very tough (but hugely compassionate and spiritual) guy.
Part of his spiritual "trip" is referred to as karma yoga, ie; selfless service.
He's very comfortable in his own skin, has no sexual hangups, is totally comfortable with his own bodily functions and is not at all threatened by those who are sick, disabled or extremely mentally and/or emotionally imbalanced.
And yet, even given all of that, it was extremely difficult work and it took a huge toll on him.
You need to know yourself well enough to know where your limit is. If you push yourself too far out of your comfort zone you are going to hurt yourself and that's not good.
Or you'll just become kinda hardened and that's not good either.
It's one thing to be challenged and uncomfortable but it's another to be doing work that is so difficult for you that you become way too imbalanced.
If you have to bow out of this work, you need not be ashamed or feel that you have failed.
You just have to be sufficiently aware to know whether or not you can handle this and whether or not you will, with time, become better able to do the work or whether it's just too much.

[stepka]

I'd say to give it another couple of months and see if you get used to it and if not, look for another job. I agree with Hemlock that your employer should have been more upfront about your duties there but that's neither here nor there. Not many people are cut out for this kind of work and I do some of it, but only with women and it doesn't bother me much but then I'm older and have children of my own.

[Suncc49]

You should not be working in the medical profession if you can not separate pleasure from work.

[jasper12]

I did not mean to offend you. But, from your post it seemed like ytou were having issues with seeing and diapering adults.

Some people can't do this type of work. Others can. It will get easier. You are just very sensitive because it is all so new. But, if it bothers you too much, find other work to do. Not everyone can work with people who are severely multiply impaired. It takes time to adjust. And some people can't. I have problems with changing adults, it really grosses me out. I have done it, it makes me physically ill. I have done it as part of my job duties, but it was not a primary job duty for me, if it had been, I probably would have quit.

[Dogmama50]

You're not being a prude, but there is absolutely noting sexual about what you are seeing or doing. There will be far more emotionally challenging situations to deal with in working in a group home. You should be getting support from your manager and co-workers, if they can't or won't help you adjust maybe a different job would be better. I feel that a job that stress you out and makes it difficult for you to cope will not lead to a long term commitment.

[ToucheGA]

Originally Posted by stepka

I'd say to give it another couple of months and see if you get used to it and if not, look for another job. I agree with Hemlock that your employer should have been more upfront about your duties there but that's neither here nor there. Not many people are cut out for this kind of work and I do some of it, but only with women and it doesn't bother me much but then I'm older and have children of my own.

Originally Posted by Dogmama50

You're not being a prude, but there is absolutely noting sexual about what you are seeing or doing. There will be far more emotionally challenging situations to deal with in working in a group home. You should be getting support from your manager and co-workers, if they can't or won't help you adjust maybe a different job would be better. I feel that a job that stress you out and makes it difficult for you to cope will not lead to a long term commitment.

These are good points. It sounds like your employer did not want to "scare you away" during your interviews. This is a poor excuse for not being upfront. However, now that you have been hired, it might be best to find a way to adjust.

Your co-workers have much more experience than you, but they were all in your shoes at one point. They had to learn how to do this, and I am sure that they all felt uncomfortable at first, just as you do. Working with disabled individuals is one of the most mentally stressful jobs out there. It is low paying, physically/mentally challenging, and oftentimes thankless. People who remain in this line of work get their reward knowing that they are helping others in need. However, this is often the only source of reward.

Given the lack of support from your boss, your co-workers might be a better source of support. I would not bring up specifics about the sexual thoughts you have in regards to this job, but it might be helpful to ask a few of them (in general terms) how they dealt with some of these issues. With some support and a little more experience, you might be able to settle into the job, However, if things are not getting better soon, I would not wait too long before you cut bait.