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It's also important to realize that it's only a few minutes of your day - and you can handle just about anything for that short a period of time. And if it's more than a couple of minutes? Then you need to find polite ways to cut it off sooner.
Bottom line, she's a VERY small part of your life, and while you do have to put up with her, it's shouldn't be that difficult to do so. Just give her a minute or two, and then move on!
Honestly you don't even have to change the subject, just get involved in something else, and walk away. It may feel rude at first, but if you watch other people, you will see that people normally do exactly that all the time.
A couple of minutes, if only, would be a reprieve. What she does is make her rounds, so to speak. It may only be a few minutes each time but it's all day long...stops at one desk to the next. She also texts and emails me outside of work.
It probably will feel rude at first but change always feels awkward one way or another.
I know how you feel, I think. I live alone and enjoy it. I find constant prattling stressful.
Coolhand is right in a way: people are what they are.
But you have the right to set limits. Not sure what type of job you have but if her excess verbiage is keeping you from doing your job, tell her, nicely of course. Put it on yourself if you must: Sorry, Suzie; I'd love to hear your monologue about your ingrown toenail but I really have to focus on this report right now. or some variation.
Constant prattling....ugh, completely agree with you. I live with my DH but he's also introverted and "gets it." if I were not married I would definitely live alone. FYI, I'm an engineer.
Also, I'm introverted so after one of these in-person encounters with being talked at, I generally feel mentally wiped out. I have a fairly stressful job and feeling mentally drained at 6:30am makes for a long day. I sort of cut her off the other day and drama, on her part, ensued. She didn't cry but now is acting cold, etc. Personally I don't care but I dislike it at work as she often tries to involve our boss when someone upsets her.
She is in the wrong office. Are there others in this office that wittness these constant interruptions? IS your boss the type you could sit down as a group with him, and just tell it like it is. Maybe then he could confront her, offer her counseling, fire her. Something, because this is way too much to deal with. Then add the drama, so you are in constant stress mode. Either trying to avoid, or trying to back pedal. Not good work atmosphere, not productive at all. I feel for you.
Print out all this thread, slip it on her desk, maybe. She does sound unstable, I would be careful...next thing you know it will be you who are bothering her.
She is in the wrong office. Are there others in this office that wittness these constant interruptions? IS your boss the type you could sit down as a group with him, and just tell it like it is. Maybe then he could confront her, offer her counseling, fire her. Something, because this is way too much to deal with. Then add the drama, so you are in constant stress mode. Either trying to avoid, or trying to back pedal. Not good work atmosphere, not productive at all. I feel for you.
Print out all this thread, slip it on her desk, maybe. She does sound unstable, I would be careful...next thing you know it will be you who are bothering her.
I could tell my boss how it is and she does know but no one wants to stir the pot with this one . The co-worker has an open complaint (she filed) at her last office (same employer) for being bullied; it is still being investigated, apparently.
The atmosphere is already tense.....my boss and her own boss do not get along, people who leave the office are not replaced due to budget cutbacks, workload is extremely high, no one knows if they will still have a job by the end of this year due to projected layoffs.
I just spent a year training part-time for my current position while still doing the work of my previous position in the same office. To this day I'm still doing both. In there my middle kid enlisted in the military and is stationed across the country (we're proud of him but miss him), and my dad died unexpectedly this past October; I'm taking care of his estate matters. So I'm wiped out as it
is. In fact, I spent most of this past weekend sleeping.
Clearly I was not good with maintaining boundaries with my co-worker, and a few others I can think of. That tends to go by the wayside for me when I get stressed out. I'm going to be more vigilant about that and see what happens from there. Maybe a meeting later if things don't improve.
PurePug3 Here is what I suggest, please think of your mental and physical health, you have gone through several stressors, add to this the ongoing office nightmare.......I strongly urge you to seek out some talk therapy, counseling...whether you use your work offered counseling programs, or privately...you need some relief from this cumulative stress.
A good therapist would be able to give you some "tools" to help you protect yourself from this terrible atmosphere.
This is a strong suggestion, I speak from personal experience.... cumulative stressors, they can really do a number on us......and we are not even aware til it is too late. If I find some web info, I will DM you this week. all the best.
For those easily offended....don't read these next suggestions.......
Have you ever just did something gross while she is talking at you.....start picking your nose?...., make a "hock a luggy" sound....and run to the bathroom...cut a big one?.....gotta keep a straight face though....Most people would avoid you after that....( i might let my boss in on this )
Last edited by JanND; 01-09-2012 at 05:44 AM..
Reason: sentence
PurePug3 Here is what I suggest, please think of your mental and physical health, you have gone through several stressors, add to this the ongoing office nightmare.......I strongly urge you to seek out some talk therapy, counseling...whether you use your work offered counseling programs, or privately...you need some relief from this cumulative stress.
A good therapist would be able to give you some "tools" to help you protect yourself from this terrible atmosphere.
This is a strong suggestion, I speak from personal experience.... cumulative stressors, they can really do a number on us......and we are not even aware til it is too late. If I find some web info, I will DM you this week. all the best.
For those easily offended....don't read these next suggestions.......
Have you ever just did something gross while she is talking at you.....start picking your nose?...., make a "hock a luggy" sound....and run to the bathroom...cut a big one?.....gotta keep a straight face though....Most people would avoid you after that....( i might let my boss in on this )
Ha....yes, I have entertained thoughts like that but you know, she has a weird sense of humor and might think it was "funny." Well, it kinda would be but her laughing wouldn't be the intended result.
You know, I think she seems to have gotten the point and she's leaving me alone, oddly enough. Admittedly, I have been a little on the blunt side the last couple of times I've talked to her so maybe my point got across. Without the constant interruptions I've been able to concentrate more, which is nice.
I'm still a little concerned she's going to cause some drama with our boss but I'm not going to get overly concerned about it. Co-worker is not one to let things roll off her back. Instead, with the long weekend coming up, I turned what would have been a 4-day weekend (for me, I work 4-10's) into a 5-day weekend. Going to try and relax instead.
A couple of minutes, if only, would be a reprieve. What she does is make her rounds, so to speak. It may only be a few minutes each time but it's all day long...stops at one desk to the next. She also texts and emails me outside of work.
It probably will feel rude at first but change always feels awkward one way or another.
You are sure welcome, there are actually lots of links on the web.
I spoke to my hubby about your thread, he has such an analytical mind. He said that her job description wasn't sufficient, she has too much time on her hands. Also, w/ support staff, which is what he thought she must be, it is hard because if they are having to do things for each of you engineers, than she has lots of reasons to try to seek you out.
It must be a very difficult work environment, what w/ your boss sort of not having carte blanche because of negative relationship w/ her boss, and this chatty Cathy already involved in a "bullying" complaint w/in another dept in your company, it is a fine line you walk, very tense and problematic.
Getting your work done is essential, but being able to get it done timely and efficiently is being jeopardized.
I see her constant interruptions as truly jeopardizing both your job, and your mental health. I really feel for you, and hope it gets resolved. Let us know, yours is a very complex and valid complaint.
RE: texting /emailing you. Could you use that feature on your phone to refuse texts from her number. And, just don't open/respond to her emails unless it is during work hours. Then if they are personal, forward them to HR.
Which brings me to this, HR is also probably handling her w/ kid gloves, because of her "bullying" complaint in the other dept. It is a real difficult situation and has to be handled carefully when someone is already accusing co-workers of infractions, yet is herself a major problem. Probably the ignoring by other fed-up co-workers when she prattled them to death is what led to her "bullying" accusations that would be my guess.
Hopefully you'll get some well deserved rest, and it may help break the cycle. When you come back you have a built in excuse...Oh dear, I took some time off, so I really must catch-up, sorry no time to visit. Then turn away. Good luck.
Last edited by JanND; 01-10-2012 at 09:00 PM..
Reason: sentence structure
You are sure welcome, there are actually lots of links on the web.
I spoke to my hubby about your thread, he has such an analytical mind. He said that her job description wasn't sufficient, she has too much time on her hands. Also, w/ support staff, which is what he thought she must be, it is hard because if they are having to do things for each of you engineers, than she has lots of reasons to try to seek you out.
It must be a very difficult work environment, what w/ your boss sort of not having carte blanche because of negative relationship w/ her boss, and this chatty Cathy already involved in a "bullying" complaint w/in another dept in your company, it is a fine line you walk, very tense and problematic.
Getting your work done is essential, but being able to get it done timely and efficiently is being jeopardized.
I see her constant interruptions as truly jeopardizing both your job, and your mental health. I really feel for you, and hope it gets resolved. Let us know, yours is a very complex and valid complaint.
RE: texting /emailing you. Could you use that feature on your phone to refuse texts from her number. And, just don't open/respond to her emails unless it is during work hours. Then if they are personal, forward them to HR.
Which brings me to this, HR is also probably handling her w/ kid gloves, because of her "bullying" complaint in the other dept. It is a real difficult situation and has to be handled carefully when someone is already accusing co-workers of infractions, yet is herself a major problem. Probably the ignoring by other fed-up co-workers when she prattled them to death is what led to her "bullying" accusations that would be my guess.
Hopefully you'll get some well deserved rest, and it may help break the cycle. When you come back you have a built in excuse...Oh dear, I took some time off, so I really must catch-up, sorry no time to visit. Then turn away. Good luck.
She is accounting support staff . She actually has what should be a very busy job but manages to avoid work at most costs and blames it on others. "If so and so wasn't doing this....or that...etc." I suspect you are spot on about HR handling her with kid gloves. We work for the government so the fear of being sued in situations like hers is a big one for the agency.
I should add that my job and hers have little to none to do with one another (I generally never ask her for any kind of help, I'm pretty self-sufficient that way) but somehow I ended up included in her daily stops around the office. Other support staff at my office are normally very busy so anything I need I tend to take care of myself.
The texts don't bother me so much yet the email does. Not losing any sleep over it but she emails stuff about candle parties, Mary Kay, craft parties, you name it. She learned of my personal email address via someone else who had it legitimately but sends out "spammy" email without hiding the recipients' email addresses . I know a lot of people might be into those parties, and that's fine, but I'm not. I work 10+ hour days and all I want to do most the time is go home. I'm going to stop being lazy about it and start filtering out her email to go direct to a designated folder.
If she wasn't a co-worker (especially one with a history of drama), I think I would have been a little more upfront with her. I have a tendency to be on the blunt side but office politics make that impossible. I don't want to hurt her feelings or otherwise be mean - not that type of blunt. If we spent time together in another environment, I would have said something long ago.
The other fed up co-workers? I'm sure I don't know the whole story but I've been told she got in trouble often for not doing her work; basically, the same thing she is doing now. I know her boss from that situation and she is not someone I think of as a nice person. She IS blunt, no two ways about it.....and her behavior is perceived by some as mean. I've dealt with her and while she's a little abrasive, I never saw any behavior I perceived as mean. But everyone is entitled to their opinion and my feelings aren't hurt very easily. I also never worked for this lady so who knows.
I'm hoping to get some rest with my upcoming time off .
I am 40yo and looking back over my life, I seem to attract self-centered people as friends. I tend to be a very good listener and polite (even when I don't feel like it) because I know what it's like to not be heard. Growing up with a mother with some degree of narcissism has a lot to do with that.
For instance, I have a co-worker who basically verbally vomits at me every morning. I hate to sound so crass but it is what it is. She clearly looks disinterested when she isn't the center of attention, with me or anyone else. It's annoying. One would never guess she's actually 32yo. If you call her out on her behavior, she cries or otherwise loses her grip. I've never called her out but have felt like it. However, others have and the results are not pretty.
Another example is email. I know a couple people who will initiate email with me and in the past I have replied. Anymore I just don't feel like it. Reason being is they will type out a long email describing a situation or wondering what to do about a problem. After I reply, nothing.....I may not write a response as long as theirs but I do respond in a normal fashion. It makes me end up feeling like my co-worker's behavior tends to, like a sounding board or just the wall...as though the person (me) doesn't matter, just that they are talking.
I'm pretty introspective and have wondered my part in this. I try to make sure I never monopolize a conversation with others. About a month ago I went out to lunch with someone and I DID monopolize the conversation and felt terrible once I realized what I was doing. The conversation was about my dad's death this past fall and I basically lost sight of how much talking I was doing. I still
feel bad about that. Under normal circumstances I would have never gone on like that.
Anyhow, I know I'm not perfect either but this self-centeredness issue irks me more and more. It's not as though I want the conversation to be about me, not at all. But it's pretty easy to spot those who don't pay attention, are always thinking of the next thing they are going to say, or are clearly bored when the spotlight's not on them.
Any ideas on how to deal with this kind of thing, especially when it's a co-worker? I don't want to alienate her as we do work together. I try to not let my expectations with others get too high but it's a sticking point with me. I don't think my coworker is a narcissist, but who knows, I'm not a psychiatrist either. But extreme self-centeredness, even if it isn't related to narcissism somehow, does seem to reek a bit. Mental health issue or just the way things are with a lot of people?
Good listeners tend to attract people who suffer from diarreah of the mouth.
I've had to learn to quite being so "easy going" because I got tired of going along to get along.
It takes a while, but you can learn to adjust your behavior to better suit your real needs.
Good listeners tend to attract people who suffer from diarreah of the mouth.
I've had to learn to quite being so "easy going" because I got tired of going along to get along.
It takes a while, but you can learn to adjust your behavior to better suit your real needs.
Oh boy, that's the truth. However, it seems I have ticked my co-worker off since all this. There's something wrong with my phone and I haven't been receiving text messages. Co-worker sent me a few texts, got no response, thinks I'm avoiding her . Oh well, whatever does the trick. I've been working on not getting caught up in others' talk marathons and it seems to be working so far .
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when someone upsets her.
Well, it kinda would be but her laughing wouldn't be the intended result.
