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Hello to everyone ans thank you for reading me. I write here because I have no one to talk to about this.
My family doesn't understand my need to be alone. They always reproach me for being selfish and thinking only about myself. I've always been solitary but I've become even more solitary since I spent almost one year alone because of the last lockdown.
I am going through a dark period at the moment, I think a depression, I faced the suicide of my only best friend a few months ago and I am moving forward alone. No one suspects all the dark thoughts that go through my head every night because I never complain to anyone. But I'm trying my best to move forward.
It's a period where I need to be alone more than any time before. I am a very secretive person, I want to cry when I want, to scream when I want ... Without me undergoing the gaze of others.
I live alone in a 15m2 space and my Dad asked my sister to come and spend the actual lockdown with me. This situation stresses me out a lot. If it was for a week or few days, it wouldn't have bothered me a lot, I would have taken it upon myself (she spent a week with a moth ago). But it is for an indefinite period. I don't want to worsen my state of mind and put it through others.
I know that if I oppose to it, they will blame me and call me selfish as they always do. My self-esteem is at its lowest at the moment, and I don't want to hear reproaches. I've
never asked to be understood, I just want to be forgotten and left alone. I don't Know how to make my family understand this, I don't think it's possible. I just need someone to tell me that I am not a bad person if I prefer spending most time alone. My dad stopped talking to me for two months last year because of this and it really affected me mentally. I don't want this to live this again, I don't have the strength to...
Hello to everyone ans thank you for reading me. I write here because I have no one to talk to about this.
My family doesn't understand my need to be alone. They always reproach me for being selfish and thinking only about myself. I've always been solitary but I've become even more solitary since I spent almost one year alone because of the last lockdown.
I am going through a dark period at the moment, I think a depression, I faced the suicide of my only best friend a few months ago and I am moving forward alone. No one suspects all the dark thoughts that go through my head every night because I never complain to anyone. But I'm trying my best to move forward.
It's a period where I need to be alone more than any time before. I am a very secretive person, I want to cry when I want, to scream when I want ... Without me undergoing the gaze of others.
I live alone in a 15m2 space and my Dad asked my sister to come and spend the actual lockdown with me. This situation stresses me out a lot. If it was for a week or few days, it wouldn't have bothered me a lot, I would have taken it upon myself (she spent a week with a moth ago). But it is for an indefinite period. I don't want to worsen my state of mind and put it through others.
I know that if I oppose to it, they will blame me and call me selfish as they always do. My self-esteem is at its lowest at the moment, and I don't want to hear reproaches. I've
never asked to be understood, I just want to be forgotten and left alone. I don't Know how to make my family understand this, I don't think it's possible. I just need someone to tell me that I am not a bad person if I prefer spending most time alone. My dad stopped talking to me for two months last year because of this and it really affected me mentally. I don't want this to live this again, I don't have the strength to...
Thank you for reading me
IMHO, family members who refuse to accept or appreciate someone's social inclinations are not worth the energy it takes to fight with.
While it is natural to be concerned about someone who is showing signs of major depression, that is not the same as demanding that person live in a manner that makes them even more unhappy. For many depressed people, spending some time around others who are supportive can really help them stay functional. But even that doesn't need to be constant. Everyone needs privacy. The problem is finding a balance. In your case, forcing you to share living space with another person is just making things worse.
If your family members really wanted to understand you as an individual and help you, they would be willing to discuss what works for you and at least try to understand your need for solitude. As it is, they don't care enough. They only see their point of view. There's only one way to live...theirs. Maybe much of that is cultural, but to force you is utterly selfish.
Why are you allowing them to dictate how you live? Are you dependent on them for some reason? I would do whatever it takes to fix that problem. If it means disconnecting from all of them for some amount of time, so be it. Only you can make that determination and only you can take those steps.
Last edited by Parnassia; 03-25-2021 at 02:05 PM..
You're not a bad person because your prefer spending most time alone.
There's lots of us like that...and just like you said, these people that can't/won't understand it do call you selfish...sorry to say.
They can call it what they want...their loss...it's just sad that unless you're like them, they choose to ostracize you....which really reinforces to the introvert the very reason they are what they are, and why they choose to be so.
I'd rather be alone than deal with the head games some people are so fond of playing.
I don't blame you, nor see anything wrong with preferring to be alone.
OP, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be alone. What happens if you tell your sister to leave? I'm not understanding how they are arguing you would be "selfish" if she's allegedly doing it as a favor to you-- since when is it selfish to tell someone they don't have to do a favor for you?
However, I think you might benefit from talking to a counselor or similar... someone you can talk to without judgment or thinking they'll worry about you, and someone who can help you come to terms with your friend's suicide and anything else that has been rough for you.
Isabelleshali, I'm a solitary person too. An only child who only had a handful of friends total throughout my life, (except maybe back in elem school).
You're an adult, just tell your family/sister/dad NO that you preefer to live alone. Who cares what they think.
Hello to everyone ans thank you for reading me. I write here because I have no one to talk to about this.
My family doesn't understand my need to be alone. They always reproach me for being selfish and thinking only about myself. I've always been solitary but I've become even more solitary since I spent almost one year alone because of the last lockdown.
I am going through a dark period at the moment, I think a depression, I faced the suicide of my only best friend a few months ago and I am moving forward alone. No one suspects all the dark thoughts that go through my head every night because I never complain to anyone. But I'm trying my best to move forward.
It's a period where I need to be alone more than any time before. I am a very secretive person, I want to cry when I want, to scream when I want ... Without me undergoing the gaze of others.
I live alone in a 15m2 space and my Dad asked my sister to come and spend the actual lockdown with me. This situation stresses me out a lot. If it was for a week or few days, it wouldn't have bothered me a lot, I would have taken it upon myself (she spent a week with a moth ago). But it is for an indefinite period. I don't want to worsen my state of mind and put it through others.
I know that if I oppose to it, they will blame me and call me selfish as they always do. My self-esteem is at its lowest at the moment, and I don't want to hear reproaches. I've
never asked to be understood, I just want to be forgotten and left alone. I don't Know how to make my family understand this, I don't think it's possible. I just need someone to tell me that I am not a bad person if I prefer spending most time alone. My dad stopped talking to me for two months last year because of this and it really affected me mentally. I don't want this to live this again, I don't have the strength to...
Thank you for reading me
You are not selfish or bad as we are all wired and configured differently. As I get older. i am craving becoming solitary more and more, withdrawing and less inclined to socialize, except with certain individuals. Given the fact that I have had countless bad experiences with people over the course of my life, I am approaching the point of absolution where I want to be left alone, except when I initiate the social contact and with selected FEW individuals.
What's strange is when I go overseas with a small group, I am drastically different socially then when here in the states, so mine can possibly be attributed to the environment i am in now.
If your family truly valued your feelings and have an understanding of why you prefer solitude, they would at least not have a singular view about it. On a surface level I can understand the concern, but what I don't fathom is their need to negatively harbor their relentless judgement without solicitation from you.
I don't think you wanting to be alone is a problem at all. Christmas 2019, my family decided to visit my father in law and his new wife in Arizona. I've been making that trip for years and my FIL really doesn't like me so there was always a feeling of dread but I would go anyway to be supportive of my husband.
In 2019 I chose to stay home alone because I didn't want to deal with the added stress, especially during Christmas. That week and a half was the most relaxing time I can remember in decades simply because I didn't have to talk to or deal with anyone.
Time alone can be a way to recharge and your family should respect your space. You are not being selfish and should be allowed to be alone if you choose to.
Isabelleshali, I'm a solitary person too. An only child who only had a handful of friends total throughout my life, (except maybe back in elem school).
You're an adult, just tell your family/sister/dad NO that you preefer to live alone. Who cares what they think.
Couldn't agree more. You'll feel an immense relief once you do..just say NO, sorry..find another place.
They could be pissed but it'll no doubt blow over...and for your peace of mind it'll be worth it don't you think???
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