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Thanks, but I'm sure they haven't changed for the better. Um, let's see. I have a house on the market that has been vandalized three or four times now, a sick dog (who is getting better though, yay!),I've lost the one thing I thought I had going for me in this town and tonight I was thinking "Yunno? No one really gives a damn." Tomorrow I counter on a house offer which I'm sure will mean house offer number two down the drain, the police refuse to help me (even though they could with a simple conversation), I have no job, no career, no children, etc. Plus I worry constantly about the next act of vandalism, escalating costs, becoming a stigmatized house, and on and on.I've seen better days.
So if I'm negative, maybe that's because nothing positive is going on. And then there was the Lawrence Welk potluck the other night. Oh.My.God. What did I do. Yeah, I'm over 50 but I grew up on Lawrence Welk and am not quite ready for the accordian and sing alongs on a Saturday night. You should know, however, that I do IRL keep a sense of humor when I talk about this stuff.
I'm sure all of this shows. The good news is that SOMEDAY change is inevitable and things will be different. I just don't know how.
A sense of humor will save your sanity.
Next time you go to the house take a container of salt, and light a white candle...pouring a small amount as you walk around the outside of the house until you've completed a circle, blessing the home with the strongest intent.
Do the same at your current residence.
You may feel foolish, but don't worry about what anyone thinks. Its your life and your home.
Lunar New Moon and Full Moons are important phases.
So have your mantras ready. If you don't have one, find one online.
Moon Phases, March 2012
First Quarter – March 1, 01:21
Full Moon – March 8, 09:39
Last Quarter – March 15, 01:25
New Moon – March 22, 14:37
First Quarter – March 30, 19:41
If you want a book on the Laws of Attraction, find The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne. I'll mail you my copy if you'd like.
Yes, but you see, sometimes ANTs simply become a way of life. They can become a habit. Some people become such "Sad Sacks" that they simply fail to reach for "possible" positive things.
A job becomes available. They refuse to apply for it, "Because they'll just hire someone else over me. That's the way it always happens".
You tell them to get up and go work in the yard. Pick up a couple of new, inexpensive plants. Tidy the place up, because it's great exercise and gives you a sense of accomplishment...feel good emotions. They'll tell you, "Aw...it'll probably rain and I won't be able to get out there. The plants will probably die anyway. They always do. I don't have any luck with plants. I never have."
You tell them to make a couple of new acquaintances. Find someone to spend time with and what do they say? "No, I've tried that. People only want to take advantage of you. No one really cares. Either they just come in, take what they want and leave, or I chase them away because I don't have anything they want. That's what ALWAYS happens."
Automatic Negative Thinkers live in Always & Never world. They obsess over everything that's ever happened to them or what didn't work out for them in the past. They can become so rigid in their way of thinking that, like IMCurious said, they create their own destiny. They STOP anything good from happening to them, because their negative thoughts make them paranoid. The only thing they can be positive of is that nothing good is going to happen for them. They are self-defeating thoughts that destroy you.
For those folks, I suggest carrying a pad & pen around in their pockets. Write down every negative thought they have...then, turn that page and write a positive thought to counteract it. But....what IF! "What IF I get called in for that interview? Do I have the appropriate clothes rounded up? Am I keeping myself healthy by eating right and exercising? Have I been keeping my skills honed? Have I researched ways of coming across in a positive way to the interviewer? Hmmmm better work on that!!"
I know this is a very long post...but it's important to break the habit of ANTs. There are good people out there. I still believe that. I also believe that far too many people get stuck in the rut of not being able to get away from past negative experiences. If there's something wrong with you...FIX it! Improve yourself. Don't dwell on the past and look at failed past experiences with a new set of eyes....ones that can accept responsibility or shrug off those past negative things. You can't control others....you can only control yourself. You can't fix others. You CAN however, fix yourself.
I agree with what you say, but I'm not dwelling in the past. This just happens to be my present. I have to clean myself up and get ready to go meet with the police to report the vandalism and see if more has happened. I'm afraid to walk into that house for fear of what I might find. All of this is NOW and very real and costs $ and can mean lost buyers. If enough goes wrong (and I have no control over continued vandalism and I did ask for help yesterday from the police and was told NO) it could mean big trouble for me. What if I run out of money?
I've got someone intent on sabotaging the sale of my house as twice now each time I've had an offer then the vandalism happens. So the house they made the offer on has changed. So see, I'm in kind of a tough spot right now. I don't know one person who would not be depressed and upset over this. Plus I deal with depression as it is that is of the organic variety and these situational factors are just not helping.
Your message is not lost on me and, under normal circumstances, it would be much easier to implement your suggestions. Right now it's about going over to that house every day to check for damage, worrying about future damage (and I guarantee there will be more as the police are not willing to do what could stop it) and just not knowing when it's all going to end. I was driven out of that place, the thought of this happening never even crossed my mind (see, I was not being negative), yet this is what I am dealing with now and I don't know how to make it stop.
Right now it's about going over to that house every day to check for damage, worrying about future damage (and I guarantee there will be more as the police are not willing to do what could stop it) and just not knowing when it's all going to end. I was driven out of that place, the thought of this happening never even crossed my mind (see, I was not being negative), yet this is what I am dealing with now and I don't know how to make it stop.
If I had no where to be (job) and someone was vandalizing my house, you better believe I'd be sitting there like a security guard.
I agree with what you say, but I'm not dwelling in the past. This just happens to be my present. I have to clean myself up and get ready to go meet with the police to report the vandalism and see if more has happened. I'm afraid to walk into that house for fear of what I might find. All of this is NOW and very real and costs $ and can mean lost buyers. If enough goes wrong (and I have no control over continued vandalism and I did ask for help yesterday from the police and was told NO) it could mean big trouble for me. What if I run out of money?
I've got someone intent on sabotaging the sale of my house as twice now each time I've had an offer then the vandalism happens. So the house they made the offer on has changed. So see, I'm in kind of a tough spot right now. I don't know one person who would not be depressed and upset over this. Plus I deal with depression as it is that is of the organic variety and these situational factors are just not helping.
Your message is not lost on me and, under normal circumstances, it would be much easier to implement your suggestions. Right now it's about going over to that house every day to check for damage, worrying about future damage (and I guarantee there will be more as the police are not willing to do what could stop it) and just not knowing when it's all going to end. I was driven out of that place, the thought of this happening never even crossed my mind (see, I was not being negative), yet this is what I am dealing with now and I don't know how to make it stop.
I am absolutely with Virgode on this! If you can not stay there yourself, is there ANYone, you can get to stay in the house and watch it? Can you find a way of securing the funds to install a couple of security cameras on the place, so that you can see who's doing the vandalizing. Think proactive Misty...... What about Crimestoppers or some other organization? There HAS to be someone out there who is willing to help you. Busy yourself with finding those resources. There IS someone who will help you. You just haven't found them yet.
I hate that this is happening to you, but there is help out there. I know there is. You just haven't turned over the right stone yet. Okay...you know the law isn't going to plant someone on the property to help you. Clearly, that door closed. Open some other doors. There are more there you just haven't opened yet.
If I had no where to be (job) and someone was vandalizing my house, you better believe I'd be sitting there like a security guard.
Great question V! The thing of it is, if you allow yourself to become too frequent a caller with the police dept., they can start looking at you like "The Boy Who Cried Wolf". I have an elderly neighbor whom I adore. Unfortunately, she has a tendency to be a complainer and to want the police to DO SOMETHING about little things. She has a tendency to get worked up over little things and can't ever come to a calm, rational arrangement with anyone she has a "problem" with. That is mostly due to the way she approaches the problems. She doesn't ASK or make gentle requests. She loudly confronts and makes demands.
Sadly, in the past couple of years, there have been a few very valid problems that she has contacted the police over. They don't take her serious anymore. She gets going and rants and raves, then pulls out her "notebook" and drags them through every grievance she's ever had with anyone....for the last 10 years! She is a Negative Nellie and yes, a chronic complainer who is quite rigid in her thinking. That's sad too, because on the other side of the coin, she can be the kindest, sweetest, most loving and grateful person you'd ever meet. Just DO--NOT--PI$$--HER--OFF!!! LOL
Sadly, in the past couple of years, there have been a few very valid problems that she has contacted the police over. They don't take her serious anymore. She gets going and rants and raves, then pulls out her "notebook" and drags them through every grievance she's ever had with anyone....for the last 10 years! She is a Negative Nellie and yes, a chronic complainer who is quite rigid in her thinking. That's sad too, because on the other side of the coin, she can be the kindest, sweetest, most loving and grateful person you'd ever meet. Just DO--NOT--PI$$--HER--OFF!!! LOL
Its not a matter of whether they believe her or think shes a raving lunatic. Theres a protocal they have to follow. Inorder to make an arrest, they need proof, not heresay.
A competetant police department will make suggestions on ways she can go about catching the perpetrator, they don't take the matters into their own hands.
If the situation is ongoing and felt serious enough that her safety is in danger, they'll assign a detective to the case. All police departments have detective units.
I have come to believe that sometimes, we are simply destined to go through really difficult periods in our lives, when nothing seems to go right and the most unexpected and debilitating things happen, in succession.
I think at those times, it is like a trial . . . and we prove to the Universe that we are either a victim or a survivor. That may sound overly simplistic, but it is actually a very complicated process. We have to draw into our deepest reserves and rely on faith, trust that we are strong enough to weather anything that happens to us . . .
By thinking of one's self as a survivor, this gives us back our power.
If you believe in God or a High Power, these are the times to consider that God sometimes tears us down in order to re-build our lives in a new way.
We can't always control what occurs in our lives. We surely can't control what others choose to say to us . . . but we can control our reactions and how we process all those things.
Maybe the universe put you in the position to have that conversation, and to hear those insensitive, mean-spirited remarks so you could process that this person could NEVER have been someone you would want to see in your future.
Sometimes, the most hurtful things are blessings, b/c they give us new insight and a chance to re-think that other person's importance in our lives.
She has had problems with a strange neighbor in the past. She has tried the security cameras and moved out due to fear for herself and her pets. So her being there again really isn't possible.
I wondered about hiring a security service to patrol around every night. I'm not sure what that would cost but maybe it would not be for that long. The security guy will report to the cops anything suspicious or if for instance there is vandalism or an open door. Some of police departments do try and help in situations like this, others just see people that are having problems of this nature as a bother. Some neighborhoods have very strong crime watch groups. But since I don't recall you mentioning it before, your area must not be like that.
As far as the Automatic Negative Thinkers. If they have a history of things not working out, and suffer from depression, often people become negative about life, think back on how things got this way, and feel at the very least cautious about the future. I don't see that as one you could automatically label an ANT. If they stop trying that's a different story. I really don't like labels and everything has a label on it these days.
In Misty's case these are real world large situational problems. It's normal to worry about the what if's. To look at the real estate market and have negative feelings. To feel alone with it all and wonder how the h.ell it ended up this way. To have many unknowns up in the air with no certainly of a positive conclusion. Just being alone with large problems and depression can make one feel negative and overwhelmed. It doesn't mean you stop hoping or trying, but I can understand how many these days are at best cautiously optimistic.
It can take many forms. In my case, it was the discovery over years of a duplicitous life of someone I wanted a future with. I still have a hard time coming to terms with it. To top it off, the last time I saw this person he told me my features had changed. Well, he put me through hell (there were other things going on as well) so I guess maybe I've aged. I asked him how but he never told me. I did not take it as a compliment.
I guess my question is how do you move on? Some people DO damage you and then when they turn around and tell you it shows, it's just a slap in the face. I didn't put this in relationships as I think we all are disappointed in life by people. But I can't seem to get past those words "your features have changed."
My whole life has changed drastically in many ways and not for the better. At least not that I can see. So when life really gets you down, how do you pick yourself back up? How do you forget the insults, the setbacks, the failures, and how does one get back on track? My life resembles nothing of my former life. Nothing. And I beat myself up for that although at the time it all made sense on paper.
You make a choice to NOT allow the actions of others control how you live your life. Seek therapy if that will help get things worked out.
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