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Part of having a fantasy about an illness, is feeling of "belonging" to a group, odd as it sounds, it can develop a sense of identity, and cohesion within a person's life to add structure and identity. I know of many people who are barely visually impaired, who have completely gone over the top with joining blind groups, community groups, volunteering, and they embrace blind rehabilitation with an absolute zeal, carrying a long cane everywhere. Now, this is of course, different than someone who does not have a disability, but wants one, but I have seen this same thing happening with folks, it is almost like "Munchousen by Proxy" syndrome, and really, it does mean that there is something lacking in a person's life, that they feel the need for specialized attention, what need would having cancer fix? I don't know. But I do agree, it would be appropriate to seek therapy regarding this issue.
Just as the topic above.
What do you think of a person who envy those with a terminal illness, and wants to be in their position.
Is it normal to: -excessively self-exam you breasts hoping to find lumps, and get frustrated when finding nothing.
- Excessively smoke, drink, hoping to speed up the process.
- fantasizing about chemotherapy, renal dialysis, falling into a coma.. etc
Although NOT into self-harm, NOT having suicidal ideas.
*Background:
26 yo F, depression, on 150mg Effexor-XR
Yes, it is wrong to feel like that. If you've been on this medication for an extended period of time and you're still feeling like that....maybe it's the wrong med for you. Maybe you need more counselling. Maybe you need to spend some time volunteering with people who are fighting for their lives, suffering from those very same illnesses/conditions, so that you truly understand what they're going through. No...these feelings are anything but normal.
I think you're just very depressed and you want to die but don't want to commit suicide and you would be better off to seek help (or more help) for your depression.
I don't know that I've ever fantasized about having a life threatening illness, but I've been unhappy enough at times that I felt that if I were to get cancer I would not seek therapy but would let it run its course so I could die. Funny enough, I was married when I felt that way and thought I was happy, but after he dropped the bomb, that feeling disappeared and I honestly believe those thoughts were coming from him, not me, as it turned out he was gay. Are there people in your life who would have reason to wish you harm, w/o actually having the inclination to hurt you themselves? You might think about that. Like me, you could be picking up on others' wishes.
What do you think of a person who envy those with a terminal illness, and wants to be in their position.
Life with cancer is not something anyone should want!
I have cancer - Stage IV Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma currently in remission. I've had surgery to remove the tumor and the part of my body where the tumor was located, radiation therapy that has rendered another part of my body useless, IV chemotherapy which was cardio-toxic and has ruined my veins, and chemotherapy injected into my spinal cord requiring eighteen spinal taps that caused degenerative spinal disease resulting in several ongoing and maybe permanent problems - including emergency spinal fusion surgery last spring.
I'll have to take certain medications, risking serious side-effects and have various treatments and tests for the rest of my life and will never again be able to do some of the things I did before discovering the cancer. I cannot walk without moderate-to-severe pain in the muscles in my legs, my platelet count has still not returned to normal from all the chemotherapy and there isn't a day that goes by that the word relapse doesn't float through my mind.
In my opinion, cancer - and all the issues that come with it - is not something to be desired. I would respectfully suggest that someone who would want to experience such a negative, life-changing disease should seek professional mental health services as soon as possible.
Now for those reading this, please note that I am NOT COMPLAINING - not for a moment! I have a positive approach to it all because I've made a conscious choice to do so. I'm living my life, making new friends and "smelling the roses" as often as I can. Some folks who participate regularly in the cancer forum know that I've written and published a book about having a positive approach that is available at no cost in a variety of places where e-books are sold. I hope with all my heart that you'll never have to read it.
Yes, it is wrong. You need to seek professional counseling on that matter. I had cancer 20 years ago and its not all the fun and frolic its cracked up to be or at least you think so. While your waiting for your final reports you are busy with chemotherapy and radiation. After you realize how truly awful you are feeling and will for the next 6 months it takes big ***** to continue taking your night time medication and show up for your appointments for chemo and radiation. Some people lose their hair, others gain a lot of weight, people turn a gray color even afro americans, its all miserable. In the mean time your still waiting for your reports on chances of living or not. But that is only your chance report they have a much better idea by following you month to month for the next year. That whole year is spent with treatments, doctor appointments and other tests. Believe me when I tell you how very mistaken you are. I have no idea why you would say that but you dont want that for yourself, no one does. That entire year of my life stood still while the whole world kept moving forward leaving me behind. You really need to seek some professional help on why you feel this way, its not healthy to have those thoughts
I think Stepka is right that this is a wish to be dead without commiting suicide.
Also, when you speak of getting chemo, dialysis or being in a coma, you're thinking of being in a passive state. You'd have a medical team taking charge of everything. This may be a soothing thought, that you'd have no responsibility to anything but to be the patient. (Of course, this is ignoring the pain and discomfort of these diseases and treatments.) Maybe you're feeling overwhemed with your life.
Whatever the reason for your thoughts, you should talk to a therapist about them.
Just as the topic above.
What do you think of a person who envy those with a terminal illness, and wants to be in their position.
Is it normal to: -excessively self-exam you breasts hoping to find lumps, and get frustrated when finding nothing.
- Excessively smoke, drink, hoping to speed up the process.
- fantasizing about chemotherapy, renal dialysis, falling into a coma.. etc
Although NOT into self-harm, NOT having suicidal ideas.
*Background:
26 yo F, depression, on 150mg Effexor-XR
Seriously, cancer is nothing to fantasize about. Ask those who are suffering with it, and their family members. You should see up close what it does to people. It's a nightmare, not a fantasy.
I agree with every other poster who recommended therapy because the OP desperately needs some help.
It is very wrong and very dysfunctional to want something to be wrong with you. Real people fighting cancer would give it all up to be healthy so they can live and love their lives.
How very sad that a perfectly healthy person would want a terrible illness like cancer. It's very sick and warped.
I have a problem with the word "wrong", though, because it implies the OP is a bad person for these thoughts. She's not bad, just confused and in need of help. I know she was the one who used the word, and I'm not sure how she meant it. But I think dysfunctional is a better way to put it.
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