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That would creep me out, too, a coworker giving me an impromptu back rub. Icky. I already have my cross to bear with a touchy-feely person at work. It's this little "mentally challenged" mailroom guy. Whenever he sees me he comes over and stands there rocking back and forth and tells me in his high-pitched voice that I look just beautiful and that I am his best friend in the company. Then he hugs me. It is all I can do not to jam my elbow into his ribs and knock him flying. He just skeeves me no end. But, I know he means no harm and he's just not smart enough to know better, so I can deal with it.
Even if he means no harm, you shouldn't have to tolerate this. You can be very polite but firm. With my coworker (who also have some mental issues) I pulled her aside and basically said "Sue, I don't feel comfortable when you touch me. It isn't anything against you...I'm just not comfortable being touched. I would appreciate it if you would keep your hands to yourself. If you continue to touch me I will file a complaint."
The last part might not be 'polite', but I wanted it to be very clear I wasn't messing around. I would have followed through too. I think sometimes it can be hard to say 'enough'...especially for woman. We're socialized not to make waves and not to hurt people's feelings.
I also had a male coworker who worked under me who tried rubbing my back. Part of my job is evaluating the work of the agents and issuing infractions if needed. The day he rubbed my back I evaluted his work. It was a fair evaluation, but there were definite issues that had to be addressed. He never tried that again...he even came to me the next day with his form and said "But I was nice to you! I rubbed your back!" I said I cost more than a back rub to bribe.
I'll admit that was a much more passive-aggressive response, but it was a different situation. The first woman was being clueless but creepy. The guy was being skeevy and borderline harassing me. As passive-aggressive as it might have been, it was still satisfying!
I'm definitely NOT a hugger. Growing up, my family was definitely not into physical affection. My mom would actually privately mock our friends' families who were "all touchy-feely-slobbery." I totally agreed as a kid and would think the huggy-kissy families were weird.
But as an adult, I seem to encounter more and more people who give and expect hugs, at almost every greeting and goodbye. I've wondered if they were just raised that way, or if they were raised the way I was, and somehow over time hugging became more popular and "normal" for them.
I'm fine with hugging my pets, my significant other, my little nieces and nephew, and perhaps a friend who is crying about something. Something like a death, not something frivolous. But a hug with every hello? That's a little much.
Every get-together with my boyfriend's family involves hugging every single person when you arrive, and individually hugging and saying "bye" to every single person when you want to leave. Without exaggeration, we have to sometimes start the goodbye hugs 1/2 hour before we need to leave.
I noticed recently that at my own family get-togethers, some hugging has crept in. I'm like "Mom, you had no physical contact with me from the time I was potty trained until adulthood, and now that I'm 40 you're gonna start hugging me?" But she now hangs out with a bunch of women her age who all hug each other. Go figure.
The other day I was introduced to a friend of my sister for the first time, and she hugged me right away. I guess the next time we meet it'll be french kissing?
My Mom became part of a "prayer group" later in life at her Catholic church. After Mom died members of her "prayer group" helped with the food and served guests at the get-together after the funeral...Quite a few members of the group came up to me and said how much they loved my Mom's personality and her hugs..Mom was the "greeter" who stood at the door before the beginning of each meeting. Obviously she made everyone feel "welcomed" and "wanted" and gave everyone a big hug!...This made me happy and it sure made me feel proud of my Mom. It just seemed a little "different" because my Mom wasn't one to give me hugs all the time. (Just sometimes.)...The church was filled to capacity during my Mom's funeral. People were even standing in the back and along the sides of the church...Good that my Mom's personality and hugs were such a big "hit!" I always admired her too!..Maybe it was just hard for my Mom to show non-stop affection for family members. Maybe she didn't want to look "too mushy" since she was the "rock" of the family and didn't want to appear weak or vulnerable with us or ??? Good thing that I felt secure in her love even when she was a tad "aloof" at times.
no they were not when i was growing up and no I am not now. do not like people touching me. don't initiate hugs, never made much sense to me, the point for it. you can tell someone verbally what you feel just the same, if need be.... some peoples feel the need to always touch on others. bizarre.
Mom was, Dad wasn't til he got old...actually he didn't show affection at all while we were kids...
they didn't show affection to each other either,except to argue.
growing up in an Italian family, hugging was the norm with moms' sisters &
brothers...
I hug sometimes...mostly my daughter and church friends, both male and female...
very seldom hug my housemate, I feel uncomfortable when I do, now
I'm not a hugger. I don't like physical contact unless it's from an extremely close family member or a boyfriend. I trust people very little, so I don't want them touching me - even if the touch feels comforting. Experience has taught me that I can't rely on people for (much) comfort.
One of my cats ("Little T") has a way of "smothering" and "suffocating" me. He would probably step "right inside" me if he could!...He seems to "take offense" if I ask him to back-up a little bit so I can have some "elbow room" and "breathing space." He just doesn't understand why I don't let him get "up close and personal."...My other cats come near me at times and curl-up and I pet them etc...But "Little T" wants to be "right in my face." And it's just "too much" for me!...Recently I found a way to get him to back-off. He doesn't liked to be kissed. So I try to drive him crazy with non-stop kisses. And I make loud "smacking noises" with my lips!...He acts "offended." But I act "innocent!" I say: "Well you seem to enjoy being close to me 'Little T.' You want to be loved! And kisses are just part of love! You're going to have to take the good with the bad when it comes to love!" Right??
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