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Wow, that's so interesting! I've never been in therapy before, so I have no reference point and nothing to compare my experience with. All I know is that I feel physically awful. I seriously, seriously do. I feel like I'm on edge, like I want to run out, like I might need to throw up. Sometimes, I leave and think "this guy totally gets me", other times I think to myself "that's 50 minutes I'll never get back". I've been 8 times and he's provided me with no new coping skills. No "homework", nothing that I can use in my real world experiences to calm my anxiety. I'm terribly impatient and I need help NOW, not a month from now, or six months from now...RIGHT NOW! Seriously, I'm doomed.
I have been to therapy and it helped but I think in your case the past is just too painful and maybe you are not ready to face it. JMO. I would give therapy a a few more tries. I would tell him exactly what you just wrote above.Tell him you would like to learn new coping skills and could he suggest any. Do you take meds for anxiety?? They can be helpful. Best of luck to you.
What is the rest of your life like now, are you happy with present life for the most part? Is your mind focused on the present and future most of the time? When are you experiencing these flash backs to the past? Does anything trigger it and how long does it last at a time? I have PTSD as well and at least in my case I don't think therapy is the answer. This isn't a one size fits all thing. Some people are in therapy for years, some question how much better they are for all the time and money invested and others are helped greatly by it. If you're finding this is making the rest of your 6 days and nights worse, then maybe at least now therapy isn't right for you. Hypnotism might be another option for you to research and look into, like with therapy the quality of the Hypnotist is crucial. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), I knew someone that went through that and thought it helped. Acupuncture, Biofeedback, Yoga, Reiki, are all other possibilities you might think about. If it gets no easier going to therapy, you might want to stop for now and rethink things. You might find this article of some interest. Best of luck.
My quality of life is really in the crapper. My present, personal life, however is amazing. I just celebrated 9 years of marriage and my husband and I have been together for 14 years. I have three young children who are just the pride and joy of my life. I really love being a parent and I love being a wife.
The problem is that I am constantly bombarded with flashbacks. Some have a clear trigger, others don't. If someone could narrate my thoughts from the time I got up until the time I went to bed...it would BLOW THIER MIND! I'm sure they would wonder how I function at all. I'm on a constant adrenaline high. I'm haunted...absolutely haunted. I'm scared to be awake, and scared to go to sleep. I have a ton of anxiety when I drive, for whatever reason I think the person who pulls up next to me at a red light has a gun and they're going to pull it and shoot me through the window. At night, I hear the same person "break in" as soon as I go to bed. I'm up multiple times a night to check on the doors. I wake up with nightmares about 6 times a month, where I'm shot straight up out of a sound sleep, drenched in sweat, my heart beating so fast I can feel it in my feet. I'm on the verge of feeling like I can't do this much longer. My life has been hijacked by my own mind. The person I'm fighting against is myself. I'm not winning--not even close. I'm not taking meds. I can't bring myself to it because I fear the side effects and what if my kids need me and I can't be there for them? That is a big consideration. I'm a stay at home mom and my husband works two jobs.
I just found out yesterday that my therapist wants to do "Prolonged Exposure Therapy" on me as the treatment. Just the sound of it sounds like torture. I don't think I'm ready for this. I get that therapy has to have a goal, but I've only been 9 times. There is pretty much no way in hell that I plan to start re-living what I've been running from my whole life after 9-50 minute sessions. And if that means he can't continue with me anymore, than I'm prepared right now to walk away from all of it.
The truth is, that about 9 months ago my grandfather (who raised me while my mother was in and out of my life), passed away. That was the beginning of the end. The last straw was when I got pulled over by the police for a traffic infration. I was so trigger and traumatized my having been pulled over that I was throwing up on the side of the road while the officer was writing my ticket. I shook so badly that I couldn't even drive myself home. I still got the ticket--and that reinforced in my mind that people are cruel and heartless. I guess in many ways its a self-fullfilling prophecy, you have fear and you see and do things that reinforce it. But if perception is reality--this is my reality.
I'm under constant stress...I feel like I'm hanging on by my fingernails and a strong wind is going to make it impossible for me to hold on. After 9 months, I'm about to lose it. I'm not sure what to do. I'm lost.
I would suggest sharing some of this with your therapist; your panic, physical symptoms, etc... He/she may not know that the exposure therapy is moving faster than you can handle right now. I would be direct and ask him/her to provide you with some relaxation techniques to manage the panic you feel during therapy. Exposure therapy is the treatment of choice for PTSD, and can be very effective if done right and at a pace the client can handle.
If you don't feel satisfied after discussing these issues with your therapist, consider finding a therapist who is a PTSD specialist. Go to consult with a psychiatrist to discuss your fears about meds; get the real information regarding the risks, not just scary stories you read on the internet. Think of the risks of NOT taking meds; you can't be an effective Mom if you are about to jump out of your skin all the time with such intense anxiety. Become your own advocate; ask for what you need.
Most especially, don't turn your back on therapy if you don't click with this therapist. Ask for what you need, give him/her a chance to respond, and then move on if you don't get it. Therapy is powerful stuff; your anxiety during session may actually be a clue that you're starting to get somewhere. It's not meant to be hand-holding and "tsk-tsking," it SHOULD be challenging, but not to the point of such distress that you can't handle. You need to find that happy medium.
I'm sorry, it sounds like you have a lot of strength, but people say that about me too, and I tell them, well just because it hasn't killed me yet doesn't mean it isn't draining the life out of me. I do know that hanging by a thread feeling very well and its terrible to be so on edge.
I'm not a fan of meds either, actually I've tried many kinds because I would do about anything that helped, but they just don't work on me. I do understand your reservations to trying meds, but at this point you need some pretty immediate relief. Since you are having so much anxiety along with this a doc might put you on Xanax, Klonopin, or possibly Zyprexa. Have you thought of trying hypnotism or acupuncture? Maybe that in conjunction with learning yoga and meditation would bring you more mind control and some relief. You might a join PTSD support group helpful too. I think if I were you I would back off on the more intense therapy for now. I read something regarding therapy, that said before one accelerates to a traumatic point with a client they make sure the person can apply the brakes, meaning they are able to handle it emotionally. I would encourage you to look at other treatment options, think about seeing a Psychiatrist and at least discussing medicine options. Good luck to you.
Here are a couple articles you might find helpful that address PE Therapy.
My quality of life is really in the crapper. My present, personal life, however is amazing. I just celebrated 9 years of marriage and my husband and I have been together for 14 years. I have three young children who are just the pride and joy of my life. I really love being a parent and I love being a wife.
The problem is that I am constantly bombarded with flashbacks. Some have a clear trigger, others don't. If someone could narrate my thoughts from the time I got up until the time I went to bed...it would BLOW THIER MIND! I'm sure they would wonder how I function at all. I'm on a constant adrenaline high. I'm haunted...absolutely haunted. I'm scared to be awake, and scared to go to sleep. I have a ton of anxiety when I drive, for whatever reason I think the person who pulls up next to me at a red light has a gun and they're going to pull it and shoot me through the window. At night, I hear the same person "break in" as soon as I go to bed. I'm up multiple times a night to check on the doors. I wake up with nightmares about 6 times a month, where I'm shot straight up out of a sound sleep, drenched in sweat, my heart beating so fast I can feel it in my feet. I'm on the verge of feeling like I can't do this much longer. My life has been hijacked by my own mind. The person I'm fighting against is myself. I'm not winning--not even close. I'm not taking meds. I can't bring myself to it because I fear the side effects and what if my kids need me and I can't be there for them? That is a big consideration. I'm a stay at home mom and my husband works two jobs.
I just found out yesterday that my therapist wants to do "Prolonged Exposure Therapy" on me as the treatment. Just the sound of it sounds like torture. I don't think I'm ready for this. I get that therapy has to have a goal, but I've only been 9 times. There is pretty much no way in hell that I plan to start re-living what I've been running from my whole life after 9-50 minute sessions. And if that means he can't continue with me anymore, than I'm prepared right now to walk away from all of it.
The truth is, that about 9 months ago my grandfather (who raised me while my mother was in and out of my life), passed away. That was the beginning of the end. The last straw was when I got pulled over by the police for a traffic infration. I was so trigger and traumatized my having been pulled over that I was throwing up on the side of the road while the officer was writing my ticket. I shook so badly that I couldn't even drive myself home. I still got the ticket--and that reinforced in my mind that people are cruel and heartless. I guess in many ways its a self-fullfilling prophecy, you have fear and you see and do things that reinforce it. But if perception is reality--this is my reality.
I'm under constant stress...I feel like I'm hanging on by my fingernails and a strong wind is going to make it impossible for me to hold on. After 9 months, I'm about to lose it. I'm not sure what to do. I'm lost.
And you haven't tried EFT because? It really helps with just the type of thing you are describing. You can check it out on YouTube and if you resonate with it get a personal therapist who will work with you on the phone or via Skype (you can do a few rounds of tapping to alleviate anxiety any time - night or day - I like Brad Yates, but there are also many others and if you put your particular problem into the YouTube search engine with "EFT" you will get a slew of results).
And you haven't tried EFT because? It really helps with just the type of thing you are describing. You can check it out on YouTube and if you resonate with it get a personal therapist who will work with you on the phone or via Skype (you can do a few rounds of tapping to alleviate anxiety any time - night or day - I like Brad Yates, but there are also many others and if you put your particular problem into the YouTube search engine with "EFT" you will get a slew of results).
You can
What is EFT? I'm barely into this process. If I knew what to do to help myself, don't you think I would have done it by now? You seem accusatory and annoyed by my questions and replies, and frankly, I have enough on my plate to have to deal with you asking me why I havent tried this or that? Or have to justify my thoughts or feelings about my situation. If you are suggesting I do that, fine! But asking me "And you haven't tried EFT because?". How about because I'm under the care of a shrink. Oy vey!
What is EFT? I'm barely into this process. If I knew what to do to help myself, don't you think I would have done it by now? You seem accusatory and annoyed by my questions and replies, and frankly, I have enough on my plate to have to deal with you asking me why I havent tried this or that? Or have to justify my thoughts or feelings about my situation. If you are suggesting I do that, fine! But asking me "And you haven't tried EFT because?". How about because I'm under the care of a shrink. Oy vey!
You wrote complaining of trauma associated with your therapy. Up thread I had mentioned EFT - then you wrote about what your specific reactions were and it was clear you had not tried EFT - that is why I wrote "and you haven't tried it because?"
I know for myself, when I am in pain or having a problem if someone offers a simple solution, I am going to try it - but if you are hell-bent on not trying it, so-be-it - not sure why you posted, though.
And if you are happy with your shrink and the therapy you are doing, more power to you! I thought you were asking for feedback. My apologies.
You wrote complaining of trauma associated with your therapy. Up thread I had mentioned EFT - then you wrote about what your specific reactions were and it was clear you had not tried EFT - that is why I wrote "and you haven't tried it because?"
I know for myself, when I am in pain or having a problem if someone offers a simple solution, I am going to try it - but if you are hell-bent on not trying it, so-be-it - not sure why you posted, though.
And if you are happy with your shrink and the therapy you are doing, more power to you! I thought you were asking for feedback. My apologies.
My apologies as well. I guess I was looking for others who were going though similar experieces and could relate. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in your own head and feel alone. I was feeling that and reaching out. Maybe that was where the misunderstanding came into play. I'm sure that it was more my fault than yours.
My quality of life is really in the crapper. My present, personal life, however is amazing. I just celebrated 9 years of marriage and my husband and I have been together for 14 years. I have three young children who are just the pride and joy of my life. I really love being a parent and I love being a wife.
The problem is that I am constantly bombarded with flashbacks. Some have a clear trigger, others don't. If someone could narrate my thoughts from the time I got up until the time I went to bed...it would BLOW THIER MIND! I'm sure they would wonder how I function at all. I'm on a constant adrenaline high. I'm haunted...absolutely haunted. I'm scared to be awake, and scared to go to sleep. I have a ton of anxiety when I drive, for whatever reason I think the person who pulls up next to me at a red light has a gun and they're going to pull it and shoot me through the window. At night, I hear the same person "break in" as soon as I go to bed. I'm up multiple times a night to check on the doors. I wake up with nightmares about 6 times a month, where I'm shot straight up out of a sound sleep, drenched in sweat, my heart beating so fast I can feel it in my feet. I'm on the verge of feeling like I can't do this much longer. My life has been hijacked by my own mind. The person I'm fighting against is myself. I'm not winning--not even close. I'm not taking meds. I can't bring myself to it because I fear the side effects and what if my kids need me and I can't be there for them? That is a big consideration. I'm a stay at home mom and my husband works two jobs.
I just found out yesterday that my therapist wants to do "Prolonged Exposure Therapy" on me as the treatment. Just the sound of it sounds like torture. I don't think I'm ready for this. I get that therapy has to have a goal, but I've only been 9 times. There is pretty much no way in hell that I plan to start re-living what I've been running from my whole life after 9-50 minute sessions. And if that means he can't continue with me anymore, than I'm prepared right now to walk away from all of it.
The truth is, that about 9 months ago my grandfather (who raised me while my mother was in and out of my life), passed away. That was the beginning of the end. The last straw was when I got pulled over by the police for a traffic infration. I was so trigger and traumatized my having been pulled over that I was throwing up on the side of the road while the officer was writing my ticket. I shook so badly that I couldn't even drive myself home. I still got the ticket--and that reinforced in my mind that people are cruel and heartless. I guess in many ways its a self-fullfilling prophecy, you have fear and you see and do things that reinforce it. But if perception is reality--this is my reality.
I'm under constant stress...I feel like I'm hanging on by my fingernails and a strong wind is going to make it impossible for me to hold on. After 9 months, I'm about to lose it. I'm not sure what to do. I'm lost.
Oh honey, my heart breaks for you! I am so sorry you are so raw and in such pain.
Does your husband really get how close to the edge you are? Since you seem happy in your marriage, I am hoping he is being very supportive of the theraputic process?
Try to realize, it took years to get you to this point - so relief is not going to happen overnight. I do hope you asked your therapist about the possibility of EMDR therapy as opposed to this "prolonged exposure therapy"? Though please, don't let that title scare you so badly.
Many with PTSD have gotten great relief with prolonged exposure - and it doesn't mean you will be tortured constantly with exposure to your memories okay? In the beginning of it you just start out learning how to breathe. All the anxiety and adrenalin pumping thru your body is exhausting you, and you could do with some good breathing exercises!
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