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I recently started a blog to transcribe my experiences but has anyone else been through existential anxiety and is willing to share their stories here? What changed for you and what was the turning point in your life if there was one?
I'm still walking with mine and for me it's a feeling of uncertainty about my future in the grand scheme of things. Like, am I moving in the right direction? How will i know beyond a doubt? Am I fulfilling my purpose? Am I giving ample meaning to my life? Am I still allowing myself to be open to life?
I trust my heart and intuition alot as even though I never got all of my expected results in the growth department, the person I am today is someone I've come to truly respect and admire. I really am growing. So maybe what it is, is that my ego is attached to the avoidance of pain and I'm always looking for ways to avoid it in The future. Maybe I'm trying to safeguard. But i also feel like trials are necessary for me i this life and that the direction I'm moving in will requires obstacles and hardships so as to continue on in my life process...
I used to have existential "issues", comparing myself with my ideal self...and not measuring up. And the reasons I have "failed" in so many very important aspects, which has negatively impacted my life. Now, I try to just live one day at a time. Focus on the moment, and not be so reflective. I do take an inventory each day, of the decisions I made during the day, and whether or not those choices were in alignment with my ultimate goals...sometimes, I make good choices, sometimes, not so good.
For me, it's feeling like I can do anything, making a decision to do something and wondering if I made the right choice for my life. For example, I chose to use my talents for healthcare, specifically nursing. I could've done psych, social work, philosophy, joined the nunnery (I'm no longer Catholic), study the magic arts, further develop my empath ability and psychic ability, dedicate my time to writing a book about my life...and I chose nursing. I love it, I find it fun, I like the challenge that comes with interacting with patients because it makes me tap further into my own inner resources. But I always wonder if I'm taking the right direction for my life. It's always a matter of wondering, "Am I on the right track to fulfilling my purpose and adding ample meaning to my life?" "Am I growing spiritually through my decisions?" And if something happens in the future (like, say, I fail the NCLEX-RN or something drastic happens in the future and I die) will I have completed my life purpose in that time? I'm very aware of my own mortality as a result because my life and my purpose is something I want to see through to the end, whichever way the wind blows. But, whenever I don't get the exact results that I had expected, it can be disheartening because I wonder if I messed up somewhere. So in a way, it's a lack of faith...
I used to have existential "issues", comparing myself with my ideal self...and not measuring up. And the reasons I have "failed" in so many very important aspects, which has negatively impacted my life. Now, I try to just live one day at a time. Focus on the moment, and not be so reflective. I do take an inventory each day, of the decisions I made during the day, and whether or not those choices were in alignment with my ultimate goals...sometimes, I make good choices, sometimes, not so good.
Thank you for sharing, jasper12. It really is valuable to be present.
Zen asks you to come out of the head and go to the basic source.... It is not that Zen is not aware of the uses of energy in the head, but if all the energy is used in the head, you will never become aware of your eternity.... You will never know as an experience what it is to be one with the whole. When the energy is just at the center, pulsating, when it is not moving anywhere, neither in the head nor in the heart, but it is at the very source from where the heart takes it, the head takes it, pulsating at the very source--that is the very meaning of Zazen. Zazen means just sitting at the very source, not moving anywhere, a tremendous force arises, a transformation of energy into light and love, into greater life, into compassion, into creativity. It can take many forms. But first you have to learn how to be at the source. Then the source will decide where your potential is. You can relax at the source, and it will take you to your very potential.
Zen asks you to come out of the head and go to the basic source.... It is not that Zen is not aware of the uses of energy in the head, but if all the energy is used in the head, you will never become aware of your eternity.... You will never know as an experience what it is to be one with the whole. When the energy is just at the center, pulsating, when it is not moving anywhere, neither in the head nor in the heart, but it is at the very source from where the heart takes it, the head takes it, pulsating at the very source--that is the very meaning of Zazen. Zazen means just sitting at the very source, not moving anywhere, a tremendous force arises, a transformation of energy into light and love, into greater life, into compassion, into creativity. It can take many forms. But first you have to learn how to be at the source. Then the source will decide where your potential is. You can relax at the source, and it will take you to your very potential.
"Dreams and nightmares
by PAULO COELHO on MAY 5, 2012
No one will realistically think that you can make a living out of literature in Brazil. I faced many difficulties. When I was young, my parents in a desperate act of love, as they cared for me, sent me to a mental institution. They thought I was mad, as I wanted to be a writer. However, I was absolutely convinced about what I wanted to be.
The fact that you know your dreams is not enough. It is not good, living with the fact that you have it in you. You have to think of measures to manifest your dreams and be brave enough to pay the price of it. In a way, I postponed my dreams, as it took me many years to write my first book — a journey book.
There are times when you do not succeed in something you believe in. That stage is what you call a nightmare.
Initially with The Alchemist, I could not find a publisher. I felt hurt.
If you are hurt about something that is meaningless to you, you can blame anybody else for it. But it is quite complicated to be hurt about something that is meaningful to you. Then you get confused, as you know the dream is there. And the dream is not going to leave you as long as you live. When you die, there is a small child within you, who will ask, why didn’t you follow me? And you have to explain. Therefore, it is better to take the risk, to be hurt, to go through some nightmare to fulfill you dreams."
I feel I might've found some encouragement right on time.
The suggestion was (is) to get out of your head.
A truly awakened state of being is beyond conceptual thinking .. beyond mental representations of reality.
Getting a handle on that as well as being centered and releasing ambitious tendencies and future (and past, for that matter) orientations tends to mitigate any mental anxiety about the "external" world although for most that will always be an issue to greater and lesser degrees.
Moving moment to moment naturally and spontaneously, despite the fact that the mind will balk and despite the fact that it's difficult to recover such a state of being, alleviates the struggle that you addressed in your original post.
Just sayin.
"A man's true life is the way in which he puts off the lie imposed by others on him. Stripped, naked, natural, he is what he is. This is a matter of being, and not of becoming. The lie cannot become the truth, the personality cannot become your soul. There is no way to make the nonessential the essential. The nonessential remains nonessential and the essential remains essential, they are not convertible. And striving towards truth is nothing but creating more confusion. The truth has not to be achieved. It cannot be achieved, it is already the case. Only the lie has to be dropped. All aims and ends and ideals and goals and ideologies, religions and systems of improvement and betterment, are lies. Beware of them. Recognize the fact that, as you are, you are a lie. Manipulated, cultivated by others. Striving after truth is a distraction and a postponement. It is the lie's way to hide. See the lie, look deep into the lie of your personality. Because to see the lie is to cease to lie. No longer to lie is to seek no more for any truth--there is no need. The moment the lie disappears, truth is there in all its beauty and radiance. In the seeing of the lie it disappears, and what is left is the truth."
-a zen master-
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