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Old 05-07-2012, 02:01 AM
 
8,487 posts, read 10,167,048 times
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She's about 75. For as long as I can remember, she has claimed that demons visit her and talk to her. I remember being young, in the back of the car she was driving, and her suddenly screaming and slamming on the brakes. She turned around and said the devil was sitting in the seat next to me, and she made us abandon the vehicle.

Her whole life, she sequestered herself away from the outside world. She won't leave the house unless it's an emergency. So my grandfather basically had to do everything, shopping, working, yardwork, everything but normal house chores. They moved multiple times due to her being convinced the neighbors were trying to kill her. She wouldn't see family, we've always had to come see her. She kept all the curtains drawn at all times, doors locked at all times. People she doesn't know are not allowed in her house, meaning no maintenance people, nurses, etc.

She kept a meticulously clean house. She does nothing but clean, clean, clean, and occasionally peeks out the curtains to see if she's being spied upon. She also would lash out in anger, without reason or any prior indication of anger. Just sudden outbursts of yelling accusations. For example, she would be ill and we'd come over to take her to a doctor. That's the only time she'd leave the house. But not without a fight. She'd yell 'you are trying to kill me! They'll euthanize me! You just want my money!" But they had no money and live a meager existence. We always just kept patient with her until she calmed down. Recently I was over at their house, and she had put drapes around their entire back patio. I asked why, and she said the neighbors were spying on her. She said they had poisoned the trees along the fence, cut off branches, and broke a hole through the fence so they could spy on her and sneak into the yard to poison her. As she explains this, she's on the patio with me, just peeking out the drapes and whispering this as she points to the trees. She wouldn't leave the patio. So I walk around the yard and see no evidence of poison, or cut branches, or of holes in the fence. She also said the police were driving by at night with a device that lets them magically open peoples front doors by remote, even if bolted shut, so they can steal people's stuff in the middle of the night. She saw it happen but didn't turn them in. If youngins were visiting, she always insisted they stay inside and she'd bolt the door, set the alarm. She said the neighbors would abduct them and throw them into their basement dungeons. 'See that blonde girl? she'd say as she peek through the front curtains. 'She seems nice, but she's a snake. She'll make friends with you kids, invite you in, and her dad will duct tape your mouths shut and throw you into the dungeon!'. Oh lordy.

Recently, my grandfather was dying of lung cancer and spent his last days in their home. She refused to allow any type of hospice or end of life care. He suffered needlessly as she was certain that anybody entering her house, ie hospice nurse, was only out to kill him and rob her. The dr had some mild pain pills delivered, and she refused to allow those to be administered, despite him saying he needed it. She was convinced the pills were poison. We were over there helping him and trying our best to comfort him and provide care and dignity for him. She would randomly shout at us that we were 'murders!' and that we were ruining things and that we were destroying her life. Finally, after days of this, we were able to convince her that hospice care was needed. They delivered a special bed for him, gave him morphine, etc, everything he needed from the get go. That night, he died. His daughter, my mother, had just arrived and found him lying on the floor dead. My grandmother insisted he was fine, and made him a cup of coffee! My mother snapped and really let her have a verbal lashing. At this point, my grandmother screamed 'you killed him!' You did this!' Get out of my house you murderer!' I should mention that my aunt, who is my grandmother's daughter, but my grandfather's stepdaughter, was in on this the whole time as well, and echoed everything my grandmother said. She backed up refusing hospice care, backed up refusing meds, thought us all murderers, etc. Her daughter, my cousin, exhibits this same paranoia as well. All three have near the same delusions, outbursts, and behavior.

Anyway, it tore the family apart. She refused to accept that he died of cancer, insists that the hospice nurse killed him, and that it's our fault for insisting on hospice. I think she will soon enter dementia. My aunt, her similarly paranoid daughter, is now taking care of her. What a mess. In the end I feel so bad for my mother, his only birth daughter, who had all this thrown upon her. I don't know how my grandfather remained married to such an individual for his whole life. I wouldn't wish this drama upon my worst enemy. My grandfather and mother both had tried for years to get her to seek help, but were never able to get her to step out of her alternate-reality long enough to actually do it. This mental illness is just horrible, it destroyed not only her but her family
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Old 05-07-2012, 02:27 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,286 posts, read 18,905,648 times
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What a sad story.

I wish only the best for your family.
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Old 05-07-2012, 02:51 PM
HDL
Status: "No bailouts for the rich" (set 8 days ago)
 
Location: Seek Jesus while He can still be found!
3,174 posts, read 6,154,916 times
Reputation: 8362
I agree with the above poster. Such a sad story . Thank you for sharing it though. So many posters on City Data forum get upset when people do not know how to 'act' or what to say or do around folks with these types of mental issues. How can we help someone IRL or on this forum who does not want help or is incapable of knowing they need help ???

I pray that your story helps someone else going through the same thing .

Best wishes to you and your family and my condolences on the loss of your Grandfather.
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Old 05-09-2012, 03:23 PM
 
Location: FL
1,727 posts, read 2,247,359 times
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I hope you mother can move forward from her pain.
It's sad that this is how her mother is, but some people you just can't save and you need to distance yourself from them.
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Old 05-10-2012, 04:59 AM
 
1,135 posts, read 1,901,933 times
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Yes, I think you're right. I went through extremely similar circumstances with both my Grandmother and Mother. Praise the Lord that we at least recently discovered Risperidone and I now have a pretty "normal" Mom ( after 35 years). Being exposed to that kind of trauma actually helps you to become more empathetic to ALL people. There is good to be found eventually, believe it or not.
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Old 05-11-2012, 05:30 PM
 
Location: The 719
15,184 posts, read 23,216,348 times
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What HDL says.

My oldest bro is a ps and he does hear voices. You can tell by the way he looks skyward and to the side... as if he's hearing something. But there's no way... ever... that he would verbalize this with anyone. He just sort of copes with it.

He should have long died of emphysema or lung cancer by now, but he hasn't. He can hoarf down a cigarette in about 45 seconds too... along with his Dr Pepper.

That's how my brother is. He paces the house a lot when he's home at my parent's house and glances at himself briefly in every mirror. He used to try and put his hand around your wrist, then walk off, sit down, slurp his Dr Pepper twice, then go to the garage or backyard to smoke a cigarette.

Once in a while he'd reminisce about something from way back in childhood, or a biblical quote... with a sort of demonic twist.

But physically he's as healthy as can be... and skinny as a rail.
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Old 05-11-2012, 06:41 PM
 
Location: Islip,NY
17,488 posts, read 21,919,306 times
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My grandmother was paranoid schizophrenic. She died in 1975 at age 57 of a heart attack. My mom said she was in and out of mental hospitals, she had shock treatments too. I was 4 when she died but what I do remember about her is when we would go to visit her she would be sitting in her recliner staring at the walls and never talking much. My mom said she went into states of catatonia. She was very religious and went to church 7 mornings a week. She was so paranoid that she told my mom that the parishoners were talking against her and that "god hated her". My grandfather did all the food shopping and cooking in the house when my grandmother got sicker. She did not believe in going to doctors either. My mom said at one point when I was a baby she took me with her to live at her parents house for 3 months while she helped take care of her mother who had just gotten out of a mental hospital. My grandmother never drove, she had many fears, driving, swimming, heights ect...
One time her and my mom were together at our apartment and my mom left my grandmother alone with me so she could do something in the kitchen. My grandmother yelled for my mom to come in the other room because she said she put glass in my milk bottle and that she better throw it out. My mom tried to convince her she did not put glass in the bottle, so after that my mom never felt comfortable leaving me alone with her. It was very rough on my grandfather having to take care of 3 kids, a sick wife, cook, clean, shop. But he did it all with love. My mom said it was not easy having a mom with schizophrenia and she would give anything to go back in time and have her mom not be that way.
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Old 05-11-2012, 07:42 PM
 
Location: The 719
15,184 posts, read 23,216,348 times
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When I was a little kid, my first career ambition was to be a psychiatrist so I could help my brother get well. While on that path, I gave my aunt Fern a free diagnosis and told her that she was shy. She thought that was pretty funny. This is the same woman who while drunk said, "Well if it wasn't for awholes pssys and armpits, there wouldn't be any gdmd commercials!" Aunt Fern got kicked out of a rough Southern Colorado bar for fighting.

What I'm saying is... she's not shy.

A career change was in order.
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Old 05-12-2012, 02:06 PM
 
Location: The Lakes Region
3,074 posts, read 4,211,498 times
Reputation: 2350
Quote:
Originally Posted by McGowdog View Post
When I was a little kid, my first career ambition was to be a psychiatrist so I could help my brother get well. While on that path, I gave my aunt Fern a free diagnosis and told her that she was shy. She thought that was pretty funny. This is the same woman who while drunk said, "Well if it wasn't for awholes pssys and armpits, there wouldn't be any gdmd commercials!" Aunt Fern got kicked out of a rough Southern Colorado bar for fighting.

What I'm saying is... she's not shy.

A career change was in order.
Was it your bar ?
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Old 05-12-2012, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Cincinnati tri-state area
75 posts, read 93,969 times
Reputation: 53
Aunt Fern wasn’t very good at swearing either, dogammit.
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