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Old 05-07-2012, 07:35 AM
65 posts, read 40,943 times
Reputation: 38


So, I'll try to keep this as short as possible.

A year ago, when I was 28, it was one of the best years of my life. There were many factors, one of the biggest being that I got my dream job that I had been working the past three years to get. Nothing was going wrong.

I'm now 29, and it has literally been one of the worst years of my life, and I feel I've dug myself into a deep hole. I still have my job, but it requires lots of long hours and I have ended up distancing myself from a lot of my older friends. I began drinking more than usual, and eating poorly too (I've put on almost 40lbs in the past year). I now find that if I am home and have no plans during the weekend (which seem to be often), I feel absolutely horrible, miserable, and alone.

On top of that, there have been two other big things that have happened this year that I am definitely having trouble dealing with. One being that a very close relative of mine (the one you could say inspired me to get my dream job, and do the best I ever could), has been diagnosed with cancer, and probably won't make it to the end of this year.

Second, I just found out my sister is dating a guy who has been physically abusive to her (once for sure, we highly suspect more though). My parents are divorced, and my mom knows, but my father doesn't It got to the point where my sister quit speaking with my mom and my other sister because they kept urging her to leave this guy, but she won't. It's come down to me basically telling her that I don't ever want to meet this guy, but if it means keeping my mouth shut to keep a relationship with her, then I guess I will. Of course this means keeping secrets from the rest of my family and our mutual friends.

I know suicide is something I could never do, I just don't have the guts. But I will admit that on those weekends alone, I sit and wonder how much life would be easier if I simply didn't exist. I really don't feel comfortable discussing this with family or friends, but I think keeping it all bottled up inside is only making me worse.

Would a therapist be the way to go? Do you have any other advice? Sorry for such a long post.
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Old 05-07-2012, 09:09 AM
Location: Beautiful hills
248 posts, read 412,399 times
Reputation: 506
Yes, dear, a GOOD therapist would help you sort through your multiple concerns. From what you told us, you are dealing with a lot, so my advise would be to break it down into separate issues and deal with each one.

1. Your dream job
Do you still feel this is your dream job? Do you enjoy going to work?
Working long hours? Is this job worth your extra time and time away from friends?
The old saying "be careful what you wish for, you may just get it" is true.
Now that you have your dream job, is it everything you expected it to be?
Obviously, it came with a price. But does it still make you happy?

2. Your close relative's cancer diagnosis
I am very sorry that your close relative is ill and that her/his prognosis is poor.
But look at it from a different angle: the same person could've been hit by a car and died instantly, and you wouldn't have any extra time with them.
This way, there is still time to show your love, to help, to cry together if that what both of you want to do, to show her/him that you care, to say everything you ever wanted to say to this person, and be there to the end. This person is very important and dear to you, I can tell, so don't mourn their passing (to be), celebrate their life. Be grateful that you had this person in your life. Yes, you are going to miss her/him. But this person is done with their mission on Earth and it is time for them to go home. Death is not the end of everything, it is simply a beginning of another journey. You've been together before and you'll meet again... in time. We don't really die. Our physical bodies do. Our souls are immortal.
How does your relative deal with the news? Make everything about them these coming months and not about you. You'll have time to grieve later.
For now, be supportive, accommodating and patient.

3. Your sister
We never want our loved ones to get hurt, but sometimes it is out of our control to get them out of harm's way (at least without their cooperation).
Since your sister receives no support from your mother and sister, I'd suggest that you become this support. One of the reasons she maybe hanging onto this guy is because he tells her "see, nobody loves you or wants you, your own family doesn't want you". Abusive people are usually great at manipulation. Offer your sister to come visit you. Let her talk.
Do NOT judge. It will be difficult, but do your best. Let your sister do the talking. Just hearing herself out loud may help her gain and insight into her current situation. She may not want to talk about her bf the first time you meet. Give her time. Become her confidant. Keep your conversations to yourself. Gain her trust. Tell her you'll be there for her no matter what. You may just give her enough courage to leave the guy. She may also sticks with him to prove your mother wrong. So don't gang up on her with the rest of the family. You are an adult. make your own decisions. Help your sister even if it may cause some tension between other family members. Be your sister's keeper. She needs help and support right now, not judgement.

4. Depression
What you describe sounds like depression. You are probably overwhelmed dealing with demanding job and other challenges currently in your life.
You feel like giving up. It's understandable. It's the easiest.
Fighting for another day is much harder and requires an effort on your part. Everything in life is a lesson. If you don't learn your lesson, you'll have to repeat it, either in this life or in the next one.
I'll give you my opinion about suicide, and it is highly subjective of course, but I've been where you are today, so I can honestly say that I know how you feel.
I don't know if you've described everything that is going on in your life or if there is more. But from what you've shared, you seem tired and unhappy with yourself. Therefore,
Step one - stop judging yourself.
Step two - make sure you get enough rest.
Step three - accept yourself as you are today.
Love yourself as you are today. You can make changes in your diet or weight (if so desired) later, but learn to love and accept yourself today. Unconditionally. We live in a very judgmental society and we taught to judge everything and everyone. But try to break free from that. Appreciate yourself and people in your life. Make new friends if old ones drifted away.
Keep going. Even if it is just one day at a time.
Sometimes it's the best we can do. And it is ok.
Don't be too hard on yourself.

We always have all the answers inside us.
We just need to admit to ourselves that some things are working for us and some are not, and then work up the courage to change whatever it is that is not working.
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